Took a break from studying (Not that I could focus on those painted words) to meet a friend, let's call him Eddie, at Starbucks.

While I failed to study anything I brought there, I had a nice long talk about lots of things with Eddie. Regarding my studies and all, he has pretty much been there, done that, and was just talking about his experience.

And as I was relating mine... I guessed the stupidity of it all just crashed on me. I thought I was independent enough to take going to China. I thought of what I wanted to achieve here (which just turns out to be short-termed goals), I thought I wanted to go to China. Cross... Was an impromptu decision. And I thought I could handle it.

I thought. I thought. I thought. Guess I didn't think it through properly enough. And now it's all falling down on me.

Whatever I wanted to learn in China, I pretty much learned most of it already. And came the realisation that no, I am not as independent as I thought. I am not as strong as I thought. And I actually can't handle a long distance relationship either. I needed a physical anchor. (I don't care that the bible says God is my anchor and all. I need an earthly one too.) And I guess the painful part to learn I'm not who I thought I was.

And heck. It didn't just drag me down. It dragged Cross down too.

Eddie said my problem was, my thought process is too wrapped up in the present. And there was so many things that exploded on me, because I failed to consider so many things.

Guess I found one more thing to learn, before I leave China. I have to learn to change my thought process to think a little further than just now.

Otherwise... In the future itself... Things might just more than explode on me. So yeah... All I need, is an idea, and a direction, and just let my mind take me to wherever. Who knows? It may end up in a really interesting place.

But for now... Sigh... Getting over the present is a hard thing indeed.

Back to the present?