Sigh... Another... "I have no idea what to feel anymore" kind of day...

There's so many things running through my mind that I don't even know how to sort them out... Doesn't help that my emotions are also all over the place... And I just wanna play my games and not think about it... Or at least until they have settled by themselves then I sort them out...

Sigh...

Been feeling just out, I guess... It's most likely a pile-up from so many things, that I don't know where one starts and another begins anymore.

First of all, there's me missing home. And my parents have been trying to call me. But they always call so late, I'm usually asleep by then. And somehow, every time it's like this, I just really want to give up and go home.

Then there's Cross. And him shackling himself from being touchy and me being on touch withdrawal and feeling like it's close to the end of the world when I heard it. Sigh... And that idiot still thinks that he's a sub for Kyoya and that I don't actually want him... Ugh. You IDIOT. I actually want you so much that I myself am afraid of my own feelings. So much that I don't even trust myself when it comes to you anymore.

And just feeling completely lost here. Hell, it has gotten to the point where self-talking doesn't even work anymore. And just anything can be a trigger to some emotional avalanche.

Heck, I think the only thing that still keeping me afloat is God. Sigh... And a part of me just want to drown already. Like, I came into this course cause I had a feeling God had something planned for me here. At first, I could see it. But now... As all the fog and doubt sets in, I don't know anymore. Everyone tells me to trust and wait... But... Sigh.

Back to the present?