Oh Dear GOD. Both of us totally have issues letting go.
We were both supposed to let go, but instead, we held on. Haha! We must be crazy.
Heck, I must be crazy for letting myself fall into this. You make my heart pound real hard real fast. And it drives me crazy to know that I have feelings for you and I can't have you.
I know you can't stand goodbyes. Especially if it's me, but all things come and go. And I have to go. And I want to. I want to go to China and come back as someone better. Someone stronger. Someone who can be your pillar of support.
Though I think we will both go insane from the distance and all, but you can't give me what I need. Not yet.
And hell... I'm totally gonna miss your hugs when I'm in China. Haha!
Although you said if I found someone meant for me, you would let me go. Dude. I have yet to find someone for me. I don't think 2 years is gonna make much of a difference.
But you. You need me. I can literally feel that from your hugs. And as long as you need me, I'll stay by your side.
Ugh. I know it's a stupid decision, it's a decision that's gonna get me hurt more than ever. And I don't know, when I come back, depending on what happens, I may even lose you.
But I guess, it's the luck of the draw. Even if it hurts me, I don't want regrets. If I cut you off like that, not only will I regret it, I don't think I can forgive myself for doing that.
So I would rather live with the pain, than to live with regret. Sides, both of us. Are more alike than we care to admit.
Both of us are givers. If we care for someone, we would give up everything for them. But a relationship... Needs to give and take.
I need to work on the taking part. Haha! I still don't know what I want of you. Because I can't take too much. I can't take as much as you want to give.
It's not right. Hell, even us, it's not right! But I guess, I'm still human after all. I'm selfish. I still want that small piece of you for myself.
And even if it's a short while, thank you for showing me what it's like to be loved and needed.