Even if swept away by the waves of people, I will make it through
even if there's no shore in sight.
Leaning on my memories, I feel alone in time.
And then one day from the light streaming through the trees
I could hear your voice.
It was so warm that it was almost like air
I felt like I could smile.
Feeling that you want to cry until your tears have all dried up
is the same thing as letting yourself rely on someone.
It's the same thing, isn't it?
The endlessly steaming down
preparation of the summer touched my hair
On the tracks of my dreams that have passed me by
What is it that I want, I think to myself.
And then one day, your shadow
blurred into the dusk.
I chased your hazy voice.
I felt like my feelings would reach you.
Feeling that you want to cry until your tears have all dried up
is the same thing as letting yourself rely on someone.
It's the same thing, isn't it?
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Oh well... The past few days have been quite eventful. There was Christmas and the class Christmas party (sort of). And Boxing Day dinner at Sweetie's place.
The food's nice. Company's nice and all. Blah blah blah.
It just feels like I'm there, yet I'm not kinda feel. Sigh.
And these few weeks I've been slowly approaching hibernation mode... I keep wanting to sleep and keep not wanting to eat... At this rate, there won't be much of me left to go back to Singapore. Literally.
And well... I am told I have failed all my exams, save for ENT. 内科 is still unknown. And I don't know. I don't feel much anymore. It's like "Oh. Another failure.", "Oh. Another day", "Oh. Got internship today", "Oh. This", "Oh. That.", etc.
Hell. I can't even focus anymore. Even when I read my stories, I just skim through the words, occasionally registering a paragraph or so, enough to get the gist of the story, then move on.
Heh. If I didn't know better, I'd say I've lost my mind somewhere.
Oh yeah. My family went to Taiwan, and they're enjoying themselves and getting lost there.
And honestly, I don't know what to feel anymore.
More like, I don't want to feel anymore. If I don't feel, at least Cross can't hurt me.
But... Looks like the wounds aren't healed yet. Every time Cross messages me, or tries to talk to me, it takes everything of me to not break down and cry.
Sigh. And it feels like JC all over again. Just that instead of dance, it's over a guy now. Sigh... And he broke me down faster than my "wonderful" dance teacher too. Sigh...
And I guess... It just hurts... A lot... I mean, I never liked my dance teacher, but it's one thing to have some teacher you don't like breaking you down, it's quite another having someone you love breaking you down.
And I'm just hiding behind all my war stories. At least in those stories, it's chaotic enough for me to ignore my own emotional chaos.
Hopefully the next 3 weeks can give me a bit more strength to deal with everything once I'm back in Singapore.