Ugh. This project is supposedly easy! So why the hell am I getting so much problems?!?!

First of all, the entire miscommunication and misunderstanding between my mentor and I is so huge, it ain't funny. And my damn tests are not showing any freaking results!!! And I'm already using 1:200 concentration (which is damn high...) And all I'm seeing is faint brown-ish things... And by now, I'm seriously doubting those papers that said they can get their results with 1:1000 concentration... Because I'M NOT GETTING SHIT.

Zzz... For now, I only have 2 options... Either I reduce the cooking time (cause I don't know if the faint brown is because I overcooked the tissues or because the concentration isn't high enough.) or I increase the concentration... But I only have... (if I'm lucky) about 20 microL of antibodies left. And I have yet to test on human tissues... So... Ya... This is so freaking crazy, I have no idea how to deal with it.

There is something wrong somewhere, or those damn articles are lying... Zzz! The best part, none of those articles have actual proper methodology for me to follow as some guidelines... Zzz. But one thing I give those articles, as least none of them are as "wonderful" as my mentor to suggest I use mouse antibodies on mouse tissues. They use rabbit antibodies.

So yeah... When I was using the first procedure (which was rabbit antibodies on mouse tissues using a different antibody) I got my results easily. Like, within the day, first try. I just have quite a bit of background. BUT I HAVE RESULTS.

And now, when I transfer over to this dumb kit, for mouse antibodies on mouse tissues, I AM GETTING NOTHING. FOR ONE WEEK.

And for one week, I've been doing stuff wrongly and my brilliant mentor only decided to tell me what I'm doing wrong at the end of the week itself... So that is... 5 days worth of wasted antibodies... (Yes, I am panicking over the amount of antibodies.)

Zzz. If you know that I'm doing something wrong AND I DON'T, TELL ME. And it didn't help I was doing stuff wrong because of the miscommunication between my mentor and I. Especially when the way she says stuff and calculated things misled me. UGH. Was I supposed to know when you calculate the amount of antibodies, you're NOT supposed to add them in?

And she told me I'm not reading the labels on the bottle. Hello. The label only said "Mouse. Negative Control". Was I suppose to infer there are antibodies in the mixture itself already? =/

UGH. So great. I'm stuck. With no results. And I have to present my findings to the prof by Wed. And I have yet to do anything on human tissues. Because since she only has limited number of tissues, she refused to let us try on human tissues until we get the mouse tissue right. Doesn't matter both of them are different procedures. -_-

The first procedure is very simple. One blocking agent, one antibody, one secondary antibody. DONE.

The freaking procedure I'm doing has 3 different blocking agents, plus some cocktail of antibody, bio reagent and more blocking agents, and then the secondary antibody. UGH.

And even Kitty is getting results! (Although her results seem to be deteriorating as she does the experiments) BUT SHE'S GETTING SOMETHING. ALL I HAVE ARE SLIDES THAT SHOW BLUE AND NO BROWN!!!

And the only article with a procedure I can use as a guide also use about 1:200 concentration. And that's with frozen samples. Zzz. And best, by the way, that 20 microL of antibodies have to last me through my damn mouse experiment (WHICH IS NOT WORKING) and for human tissues and for Western Blotting. ... Safe to say, I don't have enough. And the mentor says it's no point ordering the antibody because it'll take 2 weeks to a month to arrive. So... I don't have much of a choice, do I? =/

Ugh. I am seriously praying that Monday's experiment will be a success... If not, I'm gonna scream at my mentor. Especially if she decides to give me that "please re-evaluate yourself and think whether have you been putting in the effort, because you're not getting your results and others are" speech. Because no one is doing my freaking procedure. They're all doing the easier one. And God so help me, I AM TRYING.

Zzz. And my sudden addiction to GA is not helping matters. Me and the lack of sleep tend to make me jittery... (Which caused my wonderful accident on Friday where I broke the glass slides of my samples... So... There goes my experiment.)

Sigh. Overall, it's been one hell of a week. And I am somewhat envious of Kyoya now, cause he's doing well in his experiments. (At least someone is doing well...) And I think Kitty and I are both frustrated at the results, or lack thereof, that we're getting.

And our mentor was telling me that she actually helped us a lot, since we're on a tight schedule, she helped us cut those slides that we need, (actually, that's all she did...Aside from giving us the protocol for our experiment) and she didn't do such things for the NUS High students there, and blah blah blah. We should be grateful and all, blah blah blah.

-_- If cutting slides is so troublesome for you, I can do it... It only takes at most half an hour, with a noob like me using the damn microtome. And the protocol can be found online. It's damn standard. Heck, there's even a machine that does everything. But since we are students and all, we're doing everything by hand.

So yes, I suppose I should be damn grateful that I'm allowed to occupy your space, and use your resources. And no, you are no help in troubleshooting either. Since, if I didn't open my mouth to ask about how odd some of the stuffs and calculations are, I probably would be left doing everything wrongly until eternity.

Ughhh... I wanna die by Wednesday. Dear God, can the world end by Wednesday?!

Back to the present?

Ugh. Ok. "Pissed off somewhat" does not describe what I'm feeling. More like, "super pissed off".

First of all, my experiment failed. AGAIN. And I can't quite figure what's wrong. And since you are supposed to be our mentor, I thought I could ask for your opinion or advice. Turns out, not much of what you said makes sense.

First of all, you said that I didn't prepare my antibody mixture earlier. Hello. You're the one that told me that the antibody degrades very quickly. Next, you want me to prepare the antibody mixture one hour before adding it to the slides. And now, you scold me for preparing it 5-10 minutes before adding it to the slides, because I didn't see the point of preparing it so damn early for it to degrade so quickly. So what? Am I supposed to apologise for not brainlessly following orders? And by right, since I prepared it later, shouldn't the staining of the antibody be stronger? =/

Next, you accuse me of extending the timings that I shouldn't be extending. Oi. The only timings I increased is leaving my damn tissues in the buffer solution. Which you're the one that told us it should not affect the results, because the function of the buffer is to wash away excess reagents and to keep the cells from being dry.

If you're going to accuse me of screwing up the procedure, at least give me some reason why what I was doing was wrong.

Ugh. You are no help at all.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

And thanks to my mentor's "wonderful" help, I decided to go home and figure out what went wrong myself. I think I would be more productive.

And I was right.

Anyway, my first mistake was probably adding the blocking agent to the antibody mixture first. =/ After reading through the protocol again, I realised that the blocking agent was meant to block out excess Ig reagent... Which the primary antibody was supposed to bind to... So... If I block everything, there won't be any expression. =/ I feel like such a genius.

And my second mistake... Let's just say that the journal articles I've been reading just keep saying it's found in the brain, it's found in the brain. And only now I realise that when the articles said "brain", they mean "cerebellum". I've been testing the hemisphere for the protein. Whoo.

I really am a freaking genius. =/ No wonder I can't get anything.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh ya! I just had this most epic conversation with Tamaki today. XD He has taken to calling his apartment in Beijing his Pimp House. XD Apparently, he plans to pimp out all the guys in the apartment while he collects entrance fees. XD

Haha! He wanted Spike to be his poster boy for the house. Haha! I suggested Hammer instead. =P Best of all, Kitty agreed to sell out her boyfriend provided Tamaki gives her 80% of the earnings. XD Hahaha! And of course, in exchange, Kitty has to "bring in" the only other guy in class that Tamaki likes and is not in his apartment. (*coughacertaintalldudesittingatthebackrowcough*) The conversation is epic funny!

And of course, Tamaki has great plans for the selling of Kyoya himself. XD Haha! So watch out Kyoya! XD

And now, Tamaki is all hyped up to go China. I don't wonder why. XD

P.S. I helped with his ideas too. XD It was too amusing not to.

Back to the present?

Ok. First of all, happy birthday to me~

Haha! I'm kinda happy with all the birthday wishes. XD From certain people in particular. XD and the other ones I would just ignore them. =P

It's not like I'm trying to be mean or anything. But there are people I'm closer to and I'm glad for their wishes. While there are others which I'm not ask close to, and I don't know. To some, I'm probably another FB friend. =/ So yeah...

Anyway, the whole purging business is really REALLY bad. I drank that drink too fast, and the next thing I know, I was throwing up instead of shitting everything out... Zzz.

And now I can't finish my drink because my stomach is especially sensitive to the drink now... Zzz. And that throwing up experience was horrible. I hate throwing up.

Sigh... And now, thanks to the drink, I'm shitting water... It feels like I'm pissing... Except it's the wrong place... XD

Sigh. I seriously hope to never go through this again... Though, knowing my family history, I'd say it's unlikely.

Oh! And today's medical check-up was not bad. I got to meet up with all my classmates again. XD Though I definitely miss Tamaki. XD He changed his timing due to a certain lab partner of his. XD Sometimes, I really think he's too nice.

Haha! But it was definitely nice to see Kyoya again. XD And Jules too! Haha! I don't talk much to her, but her presence has been missed since I last saw her. =^^=

And the Brain turned up in shorts! For a moment, I stared! XD I am totally not used to seeing him in something so casual. Haha! I have always seen him in his jeans! Hahaha!

And I presume Hammer was going out with Kitty after the check-up, if Kitty's dress-up is any indication. XD Haha! Hammer's version of dressing up is actually pretty normal. XD Oh well. He's a guy. I shall not say anything. =P

Haha! But somehow, seeing everyone again is quite fun! Haha!

I definitely don't miss Chinese. But I do miss our class. XD Though I didn't really realise it until I saw everyone again. The only person I'm conscious of missing is Kyoya. =/

Oh!! AND OCHIBI HAS TOUCHED DOWN IN SINGAPORE!!! WHOO!!! Hahaha! Every girl needs another girl to fangirl to. XD And Ochibi is my gal yo!

I definitely missed her when she's gone. =( And it doesn't help that every now and then, when I take the MRT, I tend to catch myself staring out at KBG station. And a reckless part of me just want to alight and crash her house, like I used to before she flew... Hahaha!

And nowadays when I tell people stuff, I have to bear in mind they're not Kyoya. And they can't react the way I expect them to react... ^^" Haha! I think I've grown too used to Kyoya. Like there are times when I say certain things, I would pre-empt the response. And when the response isn't what I expected it to be, I realise that I'm expecting them to react like Kyoya.

Sigh. I need new friends. XD So far, befriending Sweetie seems to be going well. XD I hope. Kyoya is right. She does remind me of a delicate little daisy. XD I have to learn to be more sensitive to her. It won't do to treat her like the way I treat most of the guys...

Back to the present?

Zzz! I have a feeling I made Kitty upset yesterday. At least, I think I did... Cause yesterday, she just walked out of lab once it ended, without waiting for me or saying goodbye... So... It's either she's in a rush, or she's upset at me, or both. Zzz.

I am totally bad at dealing with girls, now that I think about it... I am not a very sensitive person... And girls tend to be a bit too sensitive for me... =P Heck, Yuki is a tomboy, and is about as sensitive as Tamaki.

And Shell has no qualms about telling me straight to my face that I'm an idiot when I offend her in any way.

But yeah... I never quite realise my... Lack of sensitivity until Kitty and Sweetie. Personally, at that moment, I don't see what I did wrong. It's only later when I think about the events of the day and I go "Oh GOD. Why did I say THAT?!?!"

For Kitty, I suppose it's because of lab... It's not like in snatching anything. It's just... Well... As my mentor says it, I do it. And I don't like idling around or watching people do stuff. I want to be the one doing them. Selfish of me, I know.

And Kitty was really tired yesterday too. So I thought I could let her rest a bit, while I do the stuff... Then I could type out the procedure for her and let her do it the next time round. But... I suppose I didn't see it from her point of view that she's being ignored in lab and me snatching all the work...

Zzz! Doesn't help that when I go into work mode, I tend to forget other people exist and that Kitty is also learning this with me...

So yeah... Work-wise, all is well. But God help me, I seriously NEED to work on my people skills... Sigh. I am such an idiot...

Hopefully, today will be a better day... Zzz!

Back to the present?

Oh wow. Lab has been exciting so far.

Tiring, but exciting. Haha! I realised I have a fondness of anything involving DNA. Probably because it's so easy. XD Anyway, I dissected 2 mice today! Whoo!

Haha! I literally beheaded them, as I needed their brains for IHC. XD The first mouse, I was so scared I would cut the brain and all, and well... Let's just say I made a mess of everything, though I did get my brain. XD It's so soft and squishy. Like jelly. ^^"

The second mouse was much better. I just sniped the skull apart and ripped it open and carefully pried out the brain. XD Haha! That's... The most exciting I did today. ^^"

And yesterday, I just did more embedding. And waxing of cells. XD I'm not excellent at it though. I'm too slow. The embedding technique is actually quite simple. But I need to be really fast and efficient. And for a second-timer, I'm not too bad. But still not fast enough. Zzz. Haha! My mentor isn't all that good at it either, but my other mentor (the most senior one) is amazing.

Ooo! And the day before, we saw the prof and mentors cutting up sleeve tissues. Basically, when a superbly obsese person wants to go for surgery for stomach reduction, the stomach that is cut out is known as sleeve. And yeah, they were cutting it up for research and experimentation purposes, and God-knows-what-else. It was so cool!

A little bloody, but cool! XD I think Kitty thinks I'm really weird and probably off my rockers. ^^"

Oh well... My weekend is gonna be a really long LONG one. XD I have some check-up to go to tomorrow. Hopefully, some specialist can figure out the source of the pain in my side when my meal becomes irregular. And it's not constantly irregular. Like, if I just eat brunch one day, instead of my usual breakfast, lunch and dinner, I'd be in agonising pain... So yeah... It may just be gastric. It may be something worse. I don't know. Hence, the check-up.

Oh! And I realise that my BJ trip medical check-up is on my birthday. XD  Maybe I can "celebrate:" my birthday with lunch with the guys. XD

Back to the present?

Was helping my brother spring-clean his room. (Because I didn't want to start researching on my articles... Even though I'm supposed to...) Anyway, I found my Summer Camp T-shirt from Melbourne! Haha! The shirt is full of well-wishes and signatures from the people in Aus. Haha!

It was really quite nostalgic to read these messages again. XD I really went wild there, it seems. Hahaha! I.. Should not be that wild in China... Too many restrictions. XD Haha! But it was really nice reading all those messages again. =^^= I thought I had lost that T-shirt for good!

Then! Then! I found my Dancer hoodie!! XD The only thing I love from dance in JC. That hoodie is like, the most comfortable thing I ever wore!! Next, to my GAP hoodie.

Haha! I remembered lending it to my Sam as a prop for one of his films. Needless to say, I never saw it again. Until now. ^^ Haha! So yeah! I was really happy to pack Zack's room. ^^" Don't ask me how my hoodie ended up there. There are wonders in my family that I will never understand or figure out.

And... My project starts tomorrow... And... I dunno what to feel actually. Part of me is excited to learn about IHC, HANDS-ON! And other part is worried about the time, about the thesis, about a whole bunch of useless stuff that's not worth worrying about...

Sigh. And Cross is being all cryptic again. I'm sorry you asshole. I can't understand the mind of a guy all that well. So, no, I do not understand what's your problem. UGH.

Sometimes I wonder if it's an "Ivan" thing to be all cryptic and indirect and expecting an idiot like me to suddenly have this oh-holy light above my head, like I knew what was going on all along... -_-

Well. Here's a warning in advance: Me = stupid. It's ok to let me know things directly. I promise I won't bite your head off, nor would I suddenly kowtow to you like you're some God, and anything else in between. Zzz!

Back to the present?