Really really struggling with my feelings...
Honestly, when Yuki (of all people) tried to talk to me about Cross, at that moment, I really wanted to just fuck everything and not be bothered anymore.
I'm sorry. But I am not in the mood for the "love conquers all" speech, because I think it's stupidly idealistic. Especially when you think you know my side of the story but you don't. Hell, I think after that whole conversation with Yuki, I have decided that I made the right choice in breaking-up.
The only thing worth considering, to me, is whether I should maintain a friendship with him. And that is because our whole fall-out is due to a whole bunch of misunderstandings and miscommunication. And even then, I am going to bid my time and wait until I recover emotionally from the whole thing before even thinking about it.
Sorry. But the Gemini in me is strongly against the relationship because of the miscommunication more than anything else. I thrive on communication. (Despite being an introvert myself) But there is something about reciprocation when communicating with others that I get a particular high from.
That's why I am exceedingly fond of Sweetie now. Because she gives, I return, and vice versa. And the best part, the exchange is done on the same, if not similar, levels.
Cross and I... Are on completely different levels of communication. Hell, after all these months, Yuki and I are already on different levels of communication. And believe me, I am not done changing and growing yet.
Not that it's any of your fault. I don't think as most typical Singaporean girls do. And I can't talk to most people either. Life's like that, so I learned to deal with it.
I am, unfortunately, not as amazing as Sweetie to be able to communicate on various levels with various people. Heh. That's probably why I always has issues with friends. So far, Kyoya and Shell are the only ones I can still communicate with relative ease after so many years. (Many years for Shell.) Of course, my brothers always people I can talk to. Haha!
I think it's also because I kept talking to my brothers all these years that they learned to be more mature than most guys at their age, since I'm 2 years older, and I tend to refuse lowering myself to talk to people. (Bad habit of mine... Need to learn...) That and they have to put up with me and my dad in the same household, and God knows, that's more than enough to mature a person's character.
Anyway, I think... For the matter of friendship with Cross... I will just take my time. God knows, I need the time...
P.S. To Yuki and Cross, a forewarning. I will be particularly bitchy and selfish towards people who want a second chance because I'll be on self-protection mode. So in case you want to talk to me, I'm just gonna warn you that you might be seeing a rather different side of me.