Today I watched MIB3 with Shell. XD

It was a really nice show. Though somehow, it doesn't match up to the first one... And I suppose, it never will. That being said, the movie has its moments.

And as usual, we would end our outing by discussing my future. XD Or at least, I would tell Shell my plans for the future, and she would give me advice.

And well... She told me to just go for the license exam. (Ugh... 400 hours of hell.) For all I know, things could have improved by the time we come back from Beijing. Besides, having a medical license in TCM makes an interesting point for when I do go for interviews in the future.

Basically, it's a good contingency plan.

And well... I can't argue with her logic. Since I'm already in it for 5 years, what's a few more months? And after that, I can do whatever I want.

Though I realise the downside of being in the science stream for so long, is that you don't learn much of any other thing else, except science.

So yeah... It ain't easy. She also told me, if I want to travel, I should try working in some regional division of a company, or work in the Marketing Research area. The latter just need a basic degree and the rest is learned on the way. Hm... Sounds tempting.

But whatever I want, I have to first brush up my people skill. Since talking to people is a necessity in any kind of job, unless I wanna be a hermit, I have to learn it somehow.

Oh yeah... MR told Shell to tell me that if I want to be friends with Sweetie, I have her "go ahead". -_- I mean... Seriously. Who treats their friend like that...! It almost feel like Sweetie is some kind of plushie, to be thrown away when she's not needed. And MR dare to complain she has no close friends in class. With the way she treats her friends...

Just because they cannot be around you 24/7 and be at your beck and call doesn't mean that they are not close friends! Zzz. Like that, Kyoya and I must be enemies already. -_-

And she told Shell that she's not a possessive person nor is she a clingy person. I'm sorry. Truth is, you are. Deal with it.

She also complained that she never go out with her friends in Uni. Well, my dear, if you don't ask them out, of course they won't go out with you. They can't read your mind, nor your intentions. Zzz. Oh well. Since she doesn't seem to care that I want to befriend Sweetie, it's her loss then. In my opinion, Sweetie is a friend worth keeping too.

I mean, she and I probably won't be as close as Kyoya and I, but her friendship would be worth something to me, and I personally hope it would mean something to her too. ^^" The "feeling" I get from her is that, if I do befriend her, I would just be one of her friends. Nothing more, nothing less. There's always a part of me that always hope for more, but I guess, I'll take what I can get, and see where it goes from there.

For all I know, one day, I can be someone she can trust. XD Cross my fingers.

Haha! Oh yes! Shell told me that most of her current Uni "friends" are, more often than not, marriages of convenience. They are of "use" to her, so she befriends them. XD In this sense, I'm kinda glad I met her in secondary school. Shell may be like that now, but her loyalty can rival that of a dog. ^^" So yeah. Now, I'm kinda glad I'm friends with her now.

Our friendship is rather slow-growing. (Bear in mind, this is from my own point of view) Both of us were in the same clique in secondary school. But I can't say I'm close to her. Even in JC, she's not close to me at all. But her loyalty and friendship to me is unwavering and I suppose, now, I can truly say she's a really good friend. And I'm glad I have her.

Haha! Shell's hard-headed and doesn't open herself easily. Neither am I, for that matter. So I guess, it was better for both of us that the walls between us is slowly broken. We both needed time to grow close. XD Especially me.

Hehe. All in all, today is a good day. =)

Back to the present?

My project has yet to take off... Zzz. So here I am, finding friends to chill out with and all.

Though I tend to look forward to my nightly DOTA sessions with Spike and Hammer. Playing with them is much nicer and better than playing with my brothers. Don't get me wrong, I love my brothers, but... Usually when I play such games... I dunno. I just feel like they just patronising me. Like they can actually win the whole game by themselves and they really don't need me around.

In other words, I'm just an accessory. And I hate that feeling.

Spike and Hammer aren't that bad players actually. They're quite fun to play with. Though I absolutely suck at playing. I tend to die... An infinite amount of times. XD I kinda know my attack style. I just don't know what heroes I should use. Or as Spike calls it, my souls. XD

Basically, I'm a charger. But I need a defensive hero. And... I dunno. My bias tend to be based on what I want to be, more than what I am. I don't know if the guys noticed, but I tend to prefer heroes that are good supporters, like Razor and Jakiro (twin head dragon).

I... Also have an interest in heroes that can mass-spawn armies, like Furion and Broodmother. Except their fighting styles don't quite suit me... Or I dunno. I never really tried them.

And it's not just heroes I can't get along with. I usually have difficulty deciding what to buy. (Like all typical females) XD Reading up strategy guides is one thing. But with my own battle style, the items I should get would be rather different.

Haha! For items, my brothers love Sange and Yasha. It's like, their standard buy. Hahaha! For me, I have a fondness for any regeneration items, like Ring of Basilius. Valdmir's Offering seems really sweet to me. But... I tend to play by the book. (Which is the fastest way to die, btw.) And I need to STOP DYING.

Haha! Zack's fighting style is actually a lot of Kyoya's... (In terms of heroes they play in DOTA.) Although Zack's style is way more aggressive than Kyoya's.

Haha! If only my fighting style is as obvious as my brothers'... Sam is a straight defense guy. He hits and runs really well. Zack loves heroes that hit hard, and deal damage over time. Like Viper.

My style... Is a mix of offense and defense. At the start of any fight, I'm an offense player (unless my opponent is way more powerful than me, then I'm a defense player.) And once hit, I turn to defense straight away. So... Yeah. I swing between both defense and offense like that.

My problem is I'm an adapter. I am whatever the situation needs me to be. When I'm following Hammer in DOTA, I'm a supporter. That one is an obvious role. With Spike, the role isn't so obvious anymore. He fights like Sam. Hit and run. So when I'm fighting with Spike, I have to balance my offense and defense carefully. So it's... a little tough to switch roles like that in the middle of the game...

Doesn't help that when I'm on my own, I'm an all-out offense player. So yeah...

When I play with Zack, I'm a melee hard-hitter. To complement his fighting style. For Sam... I have no idea how to play with Sam actually. Sam is way too versatile for me to adapt to him. But generally, I would be an offense player to complement his defense style.

And yes. This much thought actually goes into the game while I'm playing. I die too much, so I have lots of time to think about such stuff. XD

Sometimes, being so adaptive is not a good thing... Even my personality now is more attuned to Kyoya's. That's why I'm his complement, as of the moment. But the more I hang out with Spike and Hammer, the more I will change. Hammer's personality is more stable than Spike's. That's why I can adjust to him better. Spike is... I dunno. Less easy to predict to me. He's an offense person, but he's more defensive than I originally thought he was.

I dunno. He's both open and closed to me... Although Kyoya says Spike's not that difficult to figure out. But well... I take time to figure people out.

Back to the present?

Well... This week has been exciting. XD Tiring, but exciting.

But first let me recall last night's... Really odd dream. Once again, featuring Kyoya. He should be honoured. =P

I don't remember much of it, except that I was brandishing some piece of paper that was supposedly important. And the next thing I remember about the dream is Kyoya hugging me. And no... It's not those romantic, sweet kind of hugs. It's more like... He was restraining me... Physically. From doing God-knows-what, I can't remember.

It was kinda odd... Kyoya was... Like some Dr. Jekyll version of himself, infused with bits of Tamaki. XD Yeah. Like I said... It was a really odd dream. I think in the dream, I was more surprised by the fact that Kyoya was voluntarily hugging someone, which happens to be me. (It seems even in my dreams, my dream self seems to know Kyoya very well too.)

And yeah. That's all I remember. And no, this is not the weirdest dream I had. The most shocking dream was when I dreamt Spike asked me out. That one... I freaked out until I woke up. ^^" (Ah... That dream occurred when I sort of had a minor crush on Spike...)

Anyway, moving on...

Yesterday, I had a wonderful time with Yuki! =^^= I finally got to see her again after oh-so-long. Haha! Anyway, we mainly went out for dinner and then we went Plaza Sing to look around. We had Mexican food for dinner. And I have to say, the burritos are DAMN NICE. XD Haha! And Yuki is just so damn cute! XD She thinks liking Tom Hiddleston (Loki) is akin to cheating on her boyfriend. Haha!

That dear girl. She amuses me to no end. Anyway, after dinner we went to PS, and she dragged me to all the figurine stores... Now, although Yuki and I have similar personalities, our interests are nowhere near similar. She likes cars, motorbikes, figurines, sci-fi stuff and games. Me? I prefer sleeping, solving a puzzle, reading fanfictions and the like.

Anyway, she was dragging me to all those figurine stores and ohh-ing and ahh-ing over the different figurines of various comics and games. Then she dragged me to a game store and went ohh-ing and ahh-ing over games she wants to get but can't. And of course, by this point, I can't decide to be amused or exasperated at her.

Haha! Of course, there is no way our simple outing could go without me teasing and bothering Yuki endlessly. Yes, "bullying" Yuki is my part-time hobby. "Bullying" my dad is my full time one. ^^"

Sigh. And I am missing her already...

Oh! And USS with Sunshine is the BEST! Thank God it didn't rain! As it did on Monday... Hehe! The part is that the sky didn't even darken until our stipulated time of departure. =^^= It's as if God was holding the rain back for us. And although it was hot, it's not sunburning kind of hot, like most of the heat in Singapore. ^^ So thank you God! Haha! We tried all the rides, some twice even. Haha! I think one of my favourite is the Revenge of the Mummy. It's not quite scary but quite exciting. Especially when the rollercoaster decided to move backwards instead of forward. XD

Another ride I love is Transformers: the Ride. Technically, the route is very simple. But the graphics and all the works are amazing! Haha! There was one part where Bumblebee saves us, and the whole car cheered! XD I couldn't help but laugh.

Oh! And Shrek 4D is quite a nice short movie too! And Battleship Galactica is one hell of a ride. XD We tried both the red and blue lines. Haha! I have to say blue is way more thrilling than red. But that's my opinion. And Sunshine's too. XD

And we walked down the fake streets of NY. Haha! And I was half-tempted to learn swing dancing and swing-dance down the streets, like those kind of scenes you see in Broadway. Haha!

And after a whole day's worth of chaos, I had a relatively quieter dinner with Kyoya. Hehe! Now all I need to do is find time to meet up with Sexy and Shell and my life is complete!

Oh yeah. And figure out when my prof wants me to start FYP. He's not replying my emails (well... Granted. He's busy.) So... Although I'm supposed to start next week. I have no idea which day or when or what time do I report in and stuff... And I don't like not knowing...

Sigh. And actually, part of me is kinda excited for FYP still. Though that excitement is fast turning to worry, especially when I have no idea how I am gonna complete everything on time. Sigh...

Oh well... I'll take things as they come.

Back to the present?

Sigh. Exams are over, HOORAY!!! But now... I can feel boredom creeping in like a shadow... Actually it's more of, it's already here. And I'm already bored to death. But I want to rest before doing more crazy things. Anyway, the past week left me with lots of time and boredom and lots of words I wish to say to people who are no longer here.

So I decided to compile some letters to people who will never receive it:

Harsha,
Hey girl. I miss you. After all these years, those 4 years spent with you are still the most memorable ones of my life. Haha! Remember all the crazy things we did, from soccer to climbing trees and sliding down hills. Not to mention all those chatrooms we visited out of curiosity and that first smutty story you lent me. Haha! Thanks to you, I never quite believed I was all that innocent. Haha! But thanks to you, I also learnt a lot about things no one talks about.

Now that you've all grown up and out, there are times I wish I could see you again. Just to see the paths we took. I know, from asking around, that although both of us travelled a similar path once, now, our paths couldn't be more different.

I'm still a silly girl studying in a relatively good university with very interesting friends, morally upright, and probably a little too strict with myself at times. You, on the other hand, took up smoking and I heard you dropped out or something. You became wild and uncontrollable, and I have no doubts you tried things you shouldn't and all those jazz. And yet, I believe if I do ever see you again, I will still see that girl I know behind your eyes.

It was you who opened my eyes. And I never quite saw the world the same way again.

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Matthew,
Yo! How's life down under in Aus? Ever since that day, I've never seen or heard you again. I suppose it's partially my fault. I changed my email during my last year in JC. That there went my only mode of contact with several of you guys.

Haha! Often, I would think about on those 2 weeks and the next thing I know, I'm imagining what happens when you and the others come over to Singapore. And I find myself grinning like an idiot because of it.

A lot of things have happened since I last saw you. I'm now in university. I'm also friends with more crazy people. Haha! Sigh. I missed having you around to "bully". Haha! You made my stay in Aus very memorable. But I suppose I was too blind to have seen it then. I was too focused on myself, and having fun. But now, as I look back, I suppose I should have done other things instead.

I was jealous, you know. When you befriended those other two girls. I suppose that was the possessive side of me, but I didn't want to share you with others. =P Yeah. And now, looking back, I should smash my head against the wall at how childish I was. And still am.

One day, I hope to see you again. I'm sure, we have lots of stories to trade.

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Carmen,
Hey girl! How are you? Have you visited Singapore since we last met? I wonder how you are. I have so much to tell you. Haha! I've been listening to TVXQ's songs. They were your favourite I remember. You even wrote them on your air-brushed tattoo. Haha! I had missed you. You, Jonatham and Matt. The three of you meant something to me when I was in Aus. Haha!

Jonathan, less so. Both of us hardly talked, but we watched each other a lot. ^^" Sounds odd, but both of us bonded that way. Hahaha! But I missed him too. He's always soo... Aloof. And by himself. Haha! Before I left Aus, I have grown quite fond of him. We used to send each other emails, until I changed my email... UGH. I AM SUCH AN IDIOT!!!

Haha! And now, the email is extinct. Sigh... What won't I give to see and talk to you guys again... Haha! Are you still dating Daniel? How is he? There is this lady in my church that plays the piano really well. She reminds me of you a lot. And everytime I see her play, sometimes, I wish it were you.

Have you graduated from Aus yet? I'm studying Hell in my university. And I still have 2 more years to go. XD I wonder, what would you plan to study? I doubt it's anything science-related. Haha! After all, when I met you, you were from the Arts side. Haha!

One more time, I wish to see you, Jon and Matt. Once more. Sigh. Although... I doubt I would be able to.

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I am such a nostalgic fool. Here I am in the present, dreaming of the past instead of wishing for the future.

 And of course here's a last letter to the me of the past (like primary school kind of past):

Hey you,
I am the you of the future. And there's a lot of things I would like to say to you. First of all, don't be so scared of the lack of friends you have. You're just damn picky. -_- But don't worry. You will find the friends you're looking for. Your criteria is hard, but not impossible to find.

And just go wild. The things you remember best are whatever stupid and crazy things you did. Don't keep being so safe. It's ok. You will make lots of mistakes. And learn lots of bad influence. FYI, Harsha is actually not that good an influence. But you'll learn a lot from her. Like how I'm learning other weird stuffs from the friends I have made. So relax a little. And don't keep beating yourself up for every mistake you make.

Build up your world. It's your only place of refuge. Just don't get lost in it. There are many exciting things to experience here in reality. But one day, that world of yours will be the only place you can retreat to. And don't be so emo-ish about life. Reality, with the right company, can be as nice or even better than that world of yours.

Sort yourself out. You'd probably take a while to come to terms with the realisation that yes, you have emotions. You will question it, puzzle over it, and slowly open yourself to it. It's ok. It's... Not a pleasant experience. But it's not that bad either.

Last of all, the God that you fell in love with. He never changed. He has always been there, He will always be there. Take courage from His presence, chase Him. You won't be disappointed. The love you have, even until now, it never changed. So go. Leave your nest. And fly.

Back to the present?

Written by P, from PCD. XD

His songs are usually very beautiful. Pensive and gentle, and comforting. I love it.




It's a very healing kind of song. I dunno. I have a feeling, I'll need this song in the future. It's rather encouraging to me. And it's a beautiful song. A song to remind people with past hurts, that it's ok, that it's going to be alright, and to move on.

And... Probably since I've re-read Samurai X, I'm particularly attached to this feeling. The feelings that Kenshin had. Haha! I tend to "dedicate" songs to certain anime/manga. Like how I dedicated Rie Tanaka's "Fields of Hope" as L's requiem for Death Note. XD

And I dunno. This song sounds like it's for Kenshin. Haha! And anyone else who would listen.

Back to the present?