PCD's latest album came out! XD And I am in love with all their songs. Hahaha!

They are just 3 pastors with amazing harmony, and they are my inspiration! I love their songs and you can hear their hearts in the songs they sing. Haha!

I first listened to them when I was in secondary school. They were my Mom's favourite. And once I listened to a couple of their songs, I fell in love with their voices. XD And their songs.

Anyway, I supposed I posted something similar before, I can't remember. Belonging. Somehow, today, I am once again reminded that I don't belong. It's that odd alien feeling you get when you realise you're not following everyone else.

I admit, I am not like most Christians. I am not talking about Him 24/7, I am not all Thou-art-Holy, I don't know much about the Bible (heck, I think some anti-Christians read the Bible more than me), and God knows, I probably done things that would make other Christians cry in horror. But I think even God can tell, He's the person I love the most in the whole universe.

But I guess being open-minded like that makes me so different from other Christians... And I don't belong. I can't belong to their small world.

And yet, because I am a Christian. Because I love God, I don't belong to the world either. And times like these, I really feel lost. Like, where do I belong? Haha! And many times, I do feel caught in the middle. Like, there's so much more to this world that you Christians are living in, why are you looking only here?!

And I am one who wears my heart on my sleeve. I don't understand, why I should pretend or hide myself, just for the comfort for other narrow-minded idiots. The model catch-phrase of the Church is "Come as you are", and yet, we are judged and prejudiced by other Christians for being ourselves.

I don't see the logic or the sense in it. The pastors, bless their hearts, are actually way more understanding and accepting than the congregation. I guess that's why they're pastors. The pastors are nicer and way friendlier than the people in church.

And I don't understand. Aren't you people supposed to have the same heartbeat? To chase after God and be like Him? Yet, why are your behaviours so far from what God is? From what I know God is?

Our God, is an open, understanding God. And I think God understands. The actions we take in our lives, the stupid stuff we do, I believe God understands. Whether He approves or not, He understands. Sigh. And I actually have to search for understanding in our church, only to find it in the non-Christians. Sigh.

Christianity is not supposed to be a chain which ties us down. Yet, I think, for many Christians, it has become just that. At least... That's the feeling I get from people around my age. The adults... Less so. They have more or less been there, done that, moved on. XD

I dunno. I guess it's just me in the end. To me, in this stage of my life, I want freedom. I want to travel the world. I want to do crazy things and not be judged. I want to push boundaries, rebel, enjoy the thrill of the chase and all that rubbish. And... Everyone else in church are just... Happy being where they are. And I dunno... I can't stand it.

Zzz. And sometimes I really do wonder, why am I so different. For a Christian, I am different. Zzz.

Oh yeah. Although my cell and church has been telling me that when I go China, I should find a nice church and a nice group of people to share with, etc, I think... When I go China, I want to isolate myself from the Christian community.

Frankly, I'm tired of being in a community of always telling me what to do, what is right, what is wrong, what is acceptable, what I should believe, what my role in life is, etc. When I go China, I want to sit down and learn what kind of Christian I am. I want to know my place.

Basically, I want to do some soul-searching. Just me and God.

I think, after all these years, I need it.

Back to the present?

PATHO IS OVER!!

God knows how happy I am. XD Though I think I will miss the lunches and dinners with Kyoya and Tamaki. XD It is really fun to "bully" Tamaki. XD Sometimes, I doubt what goes through his mind is even filtered when it comes out of his mouth. Hahaha!

And of course, Kyoya loves to twist Tamaki's words around. And the end result is always some comedy riot that sets me into laughter everytime. Hahaha! I think that was the only part about studying in school that I look forward to everyday.

I do miss the company of Spike and Hammer though. (Not really that close to the Brain, so... =/) Sigh... I miss talking to Yuki too.

Although Cross talks to me quite a bit via smses. XD I swear he's nicer when I don't meet him face-to-face. God knows, otherwise I'd punch him. Probably. XD He's less... Annoying, when we message.

I take that back. He's always annoying. UGH.

Anyway, part of me can't wait for FYP to start. Now that patho is over, I'm starting to feel the mundane life creeping upon me...

Back to the present?

The first paper is finally over! Whew! It was like JC all over again. Antagonising over details that I can't seem to remember, and being all anal retentive about marks, and... Well... Everything along those trend of thoughts.

I swear, my brain dies everytime I do that. And I left my matric card in the exam hall... Zzz. Talk about being blur. -_-

Today's paper was... I dunno. My goal was an A. Now, I'll be damn happy with a B. ;_; There were so many gaps in my memory that it isn't funny. Zzz. I swore I studied these parts JUST THIS MORNING. And when the paper came out, my brain auto-deleted everything. -_-

So yeah... The feeling for this paper is... Just frustrating I guess. Zzz. Oh well. It's over. =D And thank God for encouraging people like Sweetie. XD

Next paper, Pathology. Oh dear God. Now this is a paper I need help with...

I can't remember things by logic like Kyoya. And just because I understand things, doesn't mean I remember them... Zzz. So yeah... The content for this module is quite crazy. And I'm actually more nervous about Patho than about chinese (FOR ONCE.)

And Cross has been... A sort of entertainment, a sort of annoyance lately. Entertainment when he talks about random stuff, like busting me out of school to harass Yuki, about Yuki getting a job in SIA, and the ridiculous things he says to people (that makes him look like the scumbag he is...). Annoyance, when he starts insulting my friends. Namely, Kyoya. -_-

ARGH. And I can't murder him over the phone. So all I can do is huff and ignore him. Zzz.Oh good Lord, I sound so juvenile.

Anyway, I just got a new phone! Yay! (My old phone has been fainting on me.) Haha! So far, it's working well. It's new after all. But it also means getting a phone cover, screen protector, and the likes. And I'm too lazy to do all such things at the moment. So now, I'm stuck with some God-ugly, neon yellow phone cover. =/

Anyway, it's been a while since I last updated anyway. XD It's not much. (Being a student doesn't quite entitle much life, especially near exam times...) Haha!

The only interesting things in my life now are Kyoya and Tamaki. XD I swear, the things that comes out of Tamaki's mouth sometimes!! XD Haha!

Tamaki is actually really fun to hang around with. He's like Zack to me... OMG. Sometimes, I wish I could just HUGGG him. Although if I did that, I think he'd avoid me like I'm some plaque or something... >.> Hahaha!

Staying in hall is quite bad for my... Touchy side. It's making me crave hugs... XD Actually, after the paper, I wanted to find Sweetie for a hug. =( But I couldn't find her... =((( And I was following the guys anyway... So... Zzz.

Oh well... At least I'm home now! XD Just waiting for my brothers and my Mom to come back so that I can hug them to bits. XD Haha!

Back to the present?

Easter service came and left, and no one came. =( Haha! Oh well. There's still next year. And there's Christmas too. So I shall keep hoping. Anyway, this is one of the songs we sang, called "God Is Able". Haha! I think, out of the entire set, I love this song the most, so I decided to share it here. =^^=

God Is Able:


And today's service was, typically, on the death and resurrection of Christ.
And I dunno... As the pastor was preaching about how Christ suffered and died on the Cross for all of us and all, I was thinking about my friends.

Trust me when I say I get along better with Non-Christians than with Christians. In that case, one day, when we die, if what the Bible says is true and those who do not believe in the love of Christ cannot go to Heaven, then... I was just thinking... If we can vouch for our friends in Heaven?

It's a silly thought, I know. But, I don't want to lose my friends.(Yes, they mean that much to me.)

And I was wondering if it's possible to trade, equivalent exchange, a soul for a soul (I think I've been reading too much FMA...) Zzz... I dunno. I'll... Figure it out after I die I guess.

Anyway, onto my latest fangirling. SHERLOCK.

Whoo! The British series of Sherlock Holmes is super epic! And of course, my first impression of Sherlock is love at first sight. HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE GORGEOUS BABY BLUES~?!

Anyway, the more Sherlock opens his mouth, the more I find him absolutely amazing. He's also quite an adorable character. Haha! Always confident with his words, but not so with his social actions. XD He's like those typical "high IQ, low EQ" kinda guy, making more enemies than friends and so on so forth.

But OMG. He's just plain cute~ Hahaha! After two episodes of him, I'm pretty much over the moon about him. Haha! Ochibi says it's because I haven't met Moriarty. Hehe! =^^=

And Ochibi and I had a mini debate over who is more amazing. Her bias is John Watson while mine is Sherlock (duh.) Although this JC friend of mine and Ochibi both agree that Moriarty is damn epic.

Hm... I must Moriarty in action some time. XD

Sigh... I miss Ochibi... Couldn't talk to her for about a week (I may be exaggerating, but it just felt LOOOOOONG.) because she went to Ireland. (Lucky girl.)  And I had no one to fangirl to. Haha! Downside of having more guy friends in Uni than girls. =/ Even then... Well... I doubt I could find a girl to fangirl this to... Maybe Fluffy. XD She'd probably be thrilled over all the British accents the actors have. Hahaha!

I think I'm gonna die in China... No one to fangirl to, or talk all sorts of silly stuff to... (I tend to be rather nonsensical sometimes...) I mean... It's different with guys. At least for me, it's different.

There are some things that only girls will get it and can empathise. Kyoya would be all "get over it" and stuff. So yeah... =/ Haha! I tend to be more whine-y when I'm with other girls. Probably cause they can understand and whine back. Hahahaha!

Sigh... There are a couple of people I definitely want to try and befriend... But the bad side is... I take a while to bond with people... So yeah... =( Ah heck. I'll probably figure something out in China. I definitely want Sweetie as my accountability partner (Basically, someone to remind you of your Christian Walk and keep you on track.) among other things. The only problem is pulling her away from MR...

I have a feeling MR will be even more clingy when we go Beijing, cause there would be no boyfriends or other people to "take" the people in her clique from her... Zzz. So yeah... That issue... Have to figure it out somehow.

And I think I have found an unexpected friend in Tamaki. O.o But that one... Shall see how.

I realised I only started talking to people like Spike, Hammer and Tamaki more this sem... XD They're quite fun to talk to... I wonder what took me so long...? =P

Back to the present?

And I should learn self-control... ^^" This one is pretty much self-explanatory.

Sigh. And I'm going back hall tonight... My brothers... Will be fine by themselves. I will trust that God will be looking after them. And there is nowhere safer than under His wings.

Meanwhile... I realise there's only about 3 weeks left till the finals... I swear, Time Turners should be invented for times like these... Zzz. Chinese... should be alright this time... The teacher goes really slow... So it's not that hard to catch up with her. Exam-wise, the paper is not that tough... Though if they give me another "what's your opinion about the subject" question, I'll murder the paper...

It's Patho I'm a little worried about... The only part I can still remember from Patho is the Genetic Basis. (It's the easiest to remember). That being said, I have a feeling the questions on Genetic Basis will be a case study. Otherwise, it's kinda stupid to test on the symptoms about Genetics stuff. That... Would be too easy.

The systemic parts are a bitch to read. Zzz! I tend to get lost along the way. Lost, as in, I can't remember what I've read... Zzz.

Sigh... A part of me don't want this semester to end... I'm scared of a lot of stupid things... Scared that I won't do as well as I want to do for FYP. Scared of going to Beijing. Scared because I don't know what's going to happen there.

Basically, I'm scared of the future. Because I can't see it.

Yeah. I know I'm being stupid again. I'll just shut up now... ^^"

Back to the present?