Ugh. Mid Term. Ugh. And I haven't quite finish studying for it yet... And it's this week... And I don't think I have enough time!!! ARGH!!!
There's a lot of things on my mind, so I'm gonna try to sort them out, together with all the random emotions involved.
First off, there's a part of me that is actually very reluctant to go to China... I mean, I will be leaving so many people behind... People like Sexy and Yuki, especially Yuki... Even though there's that CNY one month break, but... Yuki is never free during that period... So it means... I literally won't see her for 2 whole years! OMFG!!! Zzz!!!
So yeah... I suppose it's just me, but when I have to make certain decisions or do certain things in the future, I would try to envision the entire scenario playing out, as well as my reaction towards it. So far... My reaction towards leaving Yuki is... something I couldn't imagine without tears.
Sexy... Is still ok. After all, he'll be joining us in China after a year. So I'm not too bothered about him. It's Yuki that I'm more upset over... Sigh...
Letting go sure isn't easy...
Doesn't help that after 2 years there, when I return, things would have changed a lot. For one, all the people that I know in my church cell are all going their separate ways... Meaning I have to start socialising all over again... And a part of me is not looking forward to that.
And I have to figure out what I want to do when I graduate... Do I want to continue studying post-grad, preferably in Patho? Or what am I going to do? The only thing I know of my future is that I don't want to work in a clinic...
Then again, about 3 years ago, I was adamant that I do not want to learn chinese anymore and guess where I ended up... So... What I'll do in the future is... Still really uncertain... Since I tend to go where the wind blows... Zzz.
Next on my mind is FYP. Yes, I want to do a project in patho... No I don't have the professor's email. I fail to copy it down. I am scared to email the prof actually... It's this... fear of talking or mailing people I don't really know and I usually procrastinate such stuff because I really don't want to do it, but in the end, I know I have to... So... UGHHH...
Ochibi would understand... Since she pretty much suffers similar fears as me. And I'm really nervous because I have no idea what to ask the professor and how to ask the professor actually... Zzz! I should have asked him 2 weeks ago, when he was still in class!!! Zzz.
Too late for regrets. Move on.
Sigh. So back to the emails then... Zzz! Personally, I rather talk to the prof face-to-face... But... UGHHHHHH. Ok. I shall deal with my fear one step at a time. Sigh. *breathe in* *breathe out*
And lastly, it's just a hunch... So I'm not too sure how accurate is it... Or if it's even true or not... But... I think I absorb people's emotions way too easily through touch... Zzz. The best part is... I have no idea if it's just me, or if it's the other person... Or if it's just coincidental. Emotions are still something I'm trying to get the hang of... Especially extreme ones.
UGH. What a bunch of crap that keeps running through my mind... Most are senseless worries. (Meaning I'm just worrying for the sake of worrying. And it would eventually resolve itself, but still.)
UGH.