If your body is gonna be a house to the Lord of all Creation, what kind of house would you be?
And I know all those lovely idealistic Christians would want to be something like a castle, a mansion, some huge grand building for God.
(And as much as I love my two brothers, somehow I can't help but wonder... Are they too idealistic? Or am I too much of a realist? ... Or I have lousy communcation skills... Zzz.)
Personally... I rather be a little crooked house, with a little crooked road, or so the nursery rhyme goes. It's a lot like me, especially in my Christian walk. A little broken, yet not that broken. A little messy, a little ugly, a little of everything.
It's better for me, I suppose, than pretending to live in some atas area, when you're actually part of the slum.
Not that it's bad and all to want to be grand... But... Somehow, I prefer the honesty in the fact that we're all a little broken on the inside, somewhere. Sure, all of us wonderful Christians are taught that we are saved by the blood of the Lamb, and that we are given His grace, mercy, love, blah blah blah.
That does not erase the wounds in us though and healing takes time. And I personally don't believe in people being emotionally healed so quickly, and everything is all rainbows and unicorns the next day. I actually find it quite fake... If you're sad, cry. If you're angry, scream. Don't just bury everything under some happy facade and pretend everything is going to be alright.
That being said... It's what most Christians do anyway... Zzz. Sometimes, I wonder if being honest to myself and my own feelings is considered a curse.
I can't pretend for nuts. So I cannot be what you want me to be. And it doesn't help my emotional side is also developing faster than I can control it. So gone are those days when I can be impartial and not judge and give relatively unbiased opinions and have amazingly high tolerance for idiots, because my stupid emotions will get involved now.
Part of me miss it, the other part embrace it. At least now, I can differentiate myself from some robot clone. Still... I'm not used to it... To feel frustrated, annoyed and irritated so easily, they're actually quite foreign things to me, at least until my second year in Uni. In Year 1, at least they were mild enough for me to bury them still.
But now... Sigh. I have grown... In so many ways. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing... All I know is that, I can't turn back now. So I just have to keep moving forward. Who knows... I might meet You somewhere along the way too.