I had lots of free time during internship today, and I was flipping through my book of notes. (The book was already half-used during Y1/Y2, before I used it again for internship this sem.)
And it was embarrassing, nostalgic and bittersweet to look through what I did through the years... Inside were all my notes for DnD, for Elevate Camp (church camp), and all my enthusiastic cell attendances. XD And all my rantings about YX, especially.
The last part was most embarrassing. The feelings range from "I can't believe I felt like that" to "I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY WROTE THAT DOWN" to "Now that I think back, I'm glad it's over".
Haha! My own rants are usually very amusing to read, to me. After all, they're a little dramatic and overly mushy, but completely honest. (I don't usually plan on letting anyone read them after all...)
And now that all that drama is over, I am really wishing I finish up that book fast. So I can throw it away. After all, there are some phases in life you really don't wish to remember (though I have never forgot any of the guys that I once had a crush on...) and some that you don't ever want to forget.
I still have this little red book and a yellow book with all my doodles from sec sch to JC. Of course, some also have doodles from Yuki, which I usually do my best to keep them for as long as possible. Of course, Kyoya would give me that look and tsk at me if I show him those books. XD They're from my sec sch, so they are really full of really childish things. XD
And of course, when I have my childish moments during JC, those books are my outlet too. ^^"
And now as I look back, I realised I have matured a lot since I stepped into Uni. (And I grudgingly admit Ivan also played a part in my growth...) Heck, even my mindset is grown. (Trust me, it was stagnant since sec sch...)
I've become more confident, discovered my empathic side, my emotional side, my feminine side (be amazed. I never knew I can be anything feminine.), etc. Kyoya is also bringing out my snappier side. (Though I still tend to be way too nice for my own good.)
Although my studies were compromised, (heck, no one in JC would believe me if I told them my GPA is below 3.0), but the exchange was definitely worth it.
As for getting what I want... If my grades can't bring me there, I'll use my abilities. There's always more than one way to get what I want. If the front door's locked, I'll use the back door. If all else fails, I'll break a window or something... XD