Going through this life looking for Angels
People passing by, looking for Angels.

Walk this world alone try to stay on my feet

Sometimes crawl, fall, but I stand up cause I'm afraid to sleep
And open my eyes to a new day, with all new problems and all new pain
All the faces are filled with so much anger
Losing our dignity and hope from fear of danger
After all the wars, after settling the scores, at the break of dawn we will be deaf to the answers

There's so much bigotry, misunderstanding and fear
With eyes squinted and fists clinched we reach out for what is dear
We want it we want
We want a reason to live
We're on a pilgrimage
A crusade for hope
Cause in our hearts and minds and souls we know

We need it we need
We need more than this

Going through this life looking for angels
People passing by looking for angels
Walking down the streets looking for angels
Everyone I meet looking for angels

So many nations with so many hungry people
So many homeless scrounging around for dirty needles
On the rise, teen suicide, when we will realize
we've been desensitized by the lies of the world
We're oppressed and impressed by the greedy
Whose hands squeeze the life out of the needy
When will we learn that wars, threats, and regrets are the cause and effect of living in fear

Who can help protect the innocence of our children
Stolen on the internet with images they can't forget
We want it we want
We want a reason to live
We represent a generation that wants to turn back a nation
To let love be our light and salvation

We need it we need
We need more than this

I became a savior to some kids I'll never meet
Sent a check in the mail to buy them something to eat
What will you do to make a difference, to make a change?

What will you do to help someone along the way?
Just a touch, a smile as you turn the other cheek
Pray for your enemies, humble yourself, love's staring back at me
In the midst of the most painful faces
Angels show up in the strangest of places


Walking down the streets looking for angels
Everyone I meet looking for angels

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I believe there are days God wonders why I was born with a mouth... And there are days He's glad He gave me a mouth.

This is one of those days, I'm glad He gave me a mouth.

First of all, for Psych, I made a new friend, called KK. And I found out he's in the same tutorial class as Me and BMS(HN). I dunno about BMS(N) though.

Though the most memorable part was this evening. I was to meet my cell leader for dinner, and personally, I really really REALLY didn't want to go. But now that it's over, I'm glad I did. Sometimes, I'm really glad I put duty over emotions.

Anyway, long story short, I literally told her that her sms made me lose my trust in her. And that I was quite upset over her sms. And it was a simple misunderstanding. Because she was being all Christian-like, and that as a leader she should correct others, etc. And I also learnt she herself had been going through a pretty rough time, and all her words came out wrong.

Apparently, she misinterpreted me, and thought I was going over to the dark side (or so I put it). Or that I was straying from God. Hello. My self-control is not that weak, thank you very much. But hers was, and she was afraid for me. And... Well... She didn't know me that well.

Anyway, we talked things out. And she learnt that I'm stronger than she originally thought I was. It's called being HUMBLE, not PATHETIC. Just because I don't announce to the world that I can do it, doesn't mean I can't.

Anyway, I also learnt quite a few things from her. And I guess in the end, be it male or female, we're all just really human. That even girls can have perverted thoughts (and no, there is nothing wrong with that... You aren't in trouble for thinking a guy looks damn hot and you want to have your way with him), and that guys can be emotional.

It's just... Taboo in society, I suppose, to go against presumed stereotypes. And so we all remain misunderstood. =/

I guess, confrontation is the best way to repair a problem for me... I won't say that her comments don't hurt anymore... And that I trust her anymore... But... I guess... We'll slowly build it back. That trust that she lost. Who knows? After all, there are some people who should get a second chance... After all, they're just human... Like you. Like me.

Back to the present?

Damn... I hate monotonous days like these... Well... Relatively monotonous...

The most I did today was bring Mika to the vet. Apparently, her fur problem is a chronic one, so she needs a special diet and medicine every few months...

And by end of this month, Dad will be jobless again... So... I don't know how we're gonna do this...

Between research and my special sem (which will start next week), I don't think I'll even have the time to find a part-time job... So... I won't even bother...

Sigh... Bored... I'm so easily bored it seems...

Anyway, tomorrow should be more eventful I hope. XD

Going to my little cousin's funfair in his primary school. After all, I've been there, done that, and I know what it felt like to want someone from your family to come and support you. My parents never came over, as far as I remember... But I know my brothers did. And it was a nice encouragement.

And after that... My aunt wants to bring me to shop for a dress... ^^" Hopefully, a formal one, then I can wear that for formal events... Hm... I seem to be having more dresses in my closet this time... -_- The number rose from 2... to 4... and now to 7, i think...

Zzz... I still find them an inconvenience to put on... Dresses make me more self-conscious... Zzz.

Anyway, after that, we're watching POTC4!! Whoo! Jack Sparrow! Haha! I sort of miss that crazy loon after all the trilogy.

AND I STILL HAVEN'T FOUND TIME (more like she doesn't have the time) TO SEE YUKI!!! ZZZ!! Sigh... At least meet me half-way girl! Can't cha tell I'm trying here?!

And I don't mean talking through that idiot you call your boyfriend. I mean seeing you, and talking to you... Sigh... The problem with that girl is that her heart is in the right place, it's just that she's too darn laid-back to do anything about it... Grrrr...

Anyway... The screw-up in the whole plan is... I have choir the same time as the tickets I booked for POTC4. So... While I hate to skip choir... I can't cancel the tickets... Sigh... And now I'm already feeling guilty that I can't go choir...

Ah hell... Part of me misses school already...

Back to the present?

This is written on my iTouch for the past 4 days:

14/5

Today was really tiring. Fun but tiring. Because of the difference in time zones, we had 25 hours today. When we came to Vietnam, we were greeted by T, our tour guide for the trip and the son of Mom's friend.

We first went to our hotel where we placed our stuff, and then we wandered around ben thanh market a little while before going off to dinner.

The Ben Thanh Market was really interesting. The wet market was the best! All the live animals were amazing. I've never seen the animals I ate so up close before. The soft-shell crabs were the most adorable. They were in a pan, all lined up, and some were even blowing bubbles. SO CUTE!!!

The market itself is very interesting. I sort of wanted to buy shoes there, but we had to get ready for dinner, so we couldn't stay long.

Mom also brought us to eat some crab meat with been hoon. It was the most amazing thing I have ever eaten!

And I wanna eat it again!

Dinner was a traditional vietnamese buffet. It was ok I guess... The craziest thing I did there was to try their duck foetus. Ugh. Though it was not too bad with the sauce, (I was dumb enough to take my first mouth of it without the sauce. Blurgh.) it's definitely not my cup of tea...

Anyway, after dinner, we went to have some coffee/beer. Zack's the most epic. After buffet, he ordered not coffee nor beer, but CHICKEN SOUP!!! XD Best, man. Best. And of course, our hosts were laughing their heads off. So Zack, feeling shy, asked if he could "ta bao" back the soup, which led to another bout of laughter.

Haha! Anyway, after that, we went for a short drive around Ho Chi Minh City in the night. It's actually quite a serene place to be in. And almost all the stores close by 8-9pm. XD Hahaha!

And my brothers were full of lame jokes today. Here are some of their jokes to leave you shivering:

Do you get the grappler's joke?
Do you get it? Do you get it?

Americans only know what water, bag and crow are in chinese. Do you know why?
Because of Bruce Lee, when he fights, he goes "Wa-Tah!", "Su-Pow!" and "Wu-Yah!"
(You should listen to it with my brother's hand actions. It's damn hilarious.)

Do you know why all the guys love to sit Tiger Airways?
Because they have tigers (Thai girls).

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15/5

Today, we watched "Fast and Furious 5". Haha! But before that, we had beef noodles for breakfast. OMG. I love their beef noodles!! It was wonderful!

Anyway, (I CAN'T BELIEVE WE WENT TO VIETNAM TO WATCH A FREAKING MOVIE), the movie was really nice. Typical race car scene and all. With nice actions. Haha! Though the storyline is rather predictable, it's still adernaline-packed and quite attention-grabbing.

We also visited the Vietnam War Museum. The part I love and hate the most is the part about Agent Orange. And there is this... feeling of sadness in the whole museum itself. I guess... The horrors of war has yet to fade in this part of town...

Then we had dinner at a tradtional Vietnamese resturant (our hosts brought us to eat different types of vietnamese food during our stay) before visiting the night market near our hotel. Oh yeah... I forgot to mention, I stay near the Ben Thanh market. ^^" So the night market is also within walking distance.

Anyway, through my whole journey through the market, I have learnt a valuable lesson: So shopping with someone who can bargain.

Though I suck at bargaining, I managed to buy some really nice stuff, namely some formal shoes for choir (one that'll give me less blisters, hopefully) and a dress... ^^

Mom says I should buy more dresses here. Cause the dresses here are quite nice, and they're not easy to find or quite expensive in Singapore. Or at least, they're more expensive in Singapore.

Zack's been feeling out of it though... And kinda homesick. Sigh. I can't emphatise with him sadly. After all, I definitely don't feel homesick at all. In fact, I love every moment out of the country. ^-^ And a part of me wish I could stay here longer. The food's awesome, the people are... well... People. And the change of scenery is very refreshing.

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16-17/5

Haha! I forgot to write about these 2 days cause it was quite hectic, and I was really tired. On the third day, we went shopping at the Old and New Saigon Square. The Old Saigon Square was better though. We can bargain there, at least. Then we went to the night market again for more shopping. XD

Yeah. That was our eventful third day. Shop, shop and shop some more. XD My mom bought $100 worth of Kipling bags. Trust me, it's a hell lot of bags.

I got a Burberry jacket. XD It's really nice. The only downside is, there is no hood. But the whole jacket is really too lovely to pass up, so I bought it. ^^"

And on the last day, the four of us went for pedicure and manicure. For me, I got some acrylic nail extensions (to stop me from biting on my real nails). And we went to the hair salon to wash our hair, etc. Before heading to the airport to go home.

And of course, typical me cannot get through 4 days of holidays without any mishap. XD Cause my mom and her friend went to see this site where he plans to build up a departmental store, with apartments on the top. Like a larger version of a shophouse.

And I was walking around, and I hit my head on the top of a bar. Owwww...

Anyway, all the pictures of Vietnam are with my brothers... And all the people he had stalked... So no pictures for your viewing. Hahaha! =P

Back to the present?

I give up.

And people wonder why I don't like Christians. They have one huge stick up their asses.

Maybe I was wrong to think they were different. I think I am...

They say that they are. They pretend to accept. But deep down, I guess they really object.

I think... I have facebook for too long a time...

I think... I need to shut it down. I've survived without it. And I will continue living on without it. Maybe I'll try twitter next. Hm... ~_^

Haha. But I guess... It was all just a pretend. As in... I don't think the comments were wrong. Crude, yes. But not wrong. But it seems... Ah hell...

I'm always the odd one out, aren't I?

Sigh...

After my exams, when I don't need the paper online...

I'll deactivate it. And personally... I'm quite tired of it. I don't really talk to anyone there anyway. And those that I do talk to, I also see them in RL. So what's the point?

You don't want to read my thoughts? So be it. You won't be reading it. Period.

Sigh... If you don't want to read it, then don't read it. Don't complain to me about it. They're my views. If you don't want to accept them, just say so.

Don't pretend.

But I guess... Christianity is a mask I guess... Everyone trying to be like God... But we're just pathetic, cheap imitations of the real thing.

Anyway, this is it.

With that said.
Goodbye.

Back to the present?

Time goes by bokura wa ikutsumo no deai to wakare wo kurikaesu
Here I am dareka no yasashisa ni amaete nanika wo miushinatta

Ima sugisatta kisetsu wo kazoe hitorikiri no yoru nani wo omou?

Sometime toki ni nazeka mune ni semaru loneliness
I don't want to be all alone setsunakute

One day itsu no hi ni ka mitsukaru sa precious one
Sora miagereba hora ne hitotsu no shining star

Tell me why doushite bokutachi wa konna ni ai wo motomeru no ka na?

Ahh... Hoshizora wa shoujiki da ne yasashiku kirameki yoru wo kazaru

Somewhere dokoka ni iru taisetsu na only one
You're not all alone anymore hitori ja nai

Someday itsuka aeru unmei no someone you'll love
Futo ki ga tsukeba hora ne kimi no soba ni iru

Tatoe million years toki ga sugitemo
We never change, no worries, you'll be alright
Your precious only one kanarazu deaeru sa
One day you'll find kono hoshi de I believe in love
Zutto

Sometime toki ni nazeka mune ni semaru loneliness
I don't want to be all alone setsunakute

Somewhere dokoka ni iru taisetsu na only one
You're not all alone anymore hitori ja nai

Someday itsuka aeru unmei no someone you'll love
Futo ki ga tsukeba hora ne kimi no soba ni iru
Kimi ga soba ni iru
You'll meet your only one

Somewhere dokoka ni iru taisetsu na only one
You're not all alone anymore hitori ja nai

Sometime toki ni nazeka mune ni semaru loneliness
I don't want to be all alone only one

----------------------------------------------------------------

This would be the perfect theme song for Saiyuki Gaiden. I am serious. But the whole story is really really sad.

Basically, it's a prequel of the whole Saiyuki series. This was the story of their past lives, when they were Gods. Of course, since it's a past-life, the story pretty much ended with all of them dying.

But within that four chapters, somehow, the magic and love in their completely screwed-up relationships is very touching.

I swear, Goku says the darnest things and has the cutest smile ever. But he's really too damn adorable not to like. And his Seiten Taisei mode is EPIC. I think he's the few characters that make massacres look amazing. ... =^^= (I think it's a bit obvious who my favourite character is, btw)

I really feel for him when he lost everyone though.

I digress...

The story's about the 4 main saiyuki characters in their past lives, living as Gods in Heaven. It was more like Hell than Heaven though. Full of rules and stifling responsibilities and arrogant pigheads that think the world revolved around them.

Then came a brat (*coughcoughGOKUcoughcough*) that turned 4 people's lives upside down. And for once, they understood the difference between living and existing. So of course when the bad guy decides to kill Goku due to... Competition... The four of them sought freedom. From that Heaven-turned-Hell, from their ranks, positions, from everything. And they tried to escape to Earth.

Sadly, one by one, they get picked off by the bad guys, who so decided to kill that airhead of an Emperor and blame them for it. So the whole of Heaven's after their heads. Before they die though, they all promised that they'll always be together. Although, I suppose, it was said to keep Goku smiling. But now that you looked back on it, I guess they did fulfill their promise after all. 500 years later, that is.

The ending was really bittersweet. After Konzen (what Sanzo used to be)'s death, Goku went into a depression/comatose-like state. And the Goddess of Mercy was supposed to erase Goku's memory before sealing him into the mountain. But that cheeky lady bent the rules a little. She didn't erase the memory of his name.

And as the pages showed Goku living through those 500 years, all alone, through the 4 seasons, at the end of it, story-wise, Gaiden ended when Saiyuki began.

Emotion-wise, it ended with hope.

P.S. Typing this makes me wanna read the whole Saiyuki all over again... From Gaiden to Reload.

Back to the present?

Lyin' here with you so close to me
It's hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe
Caught up in this moment
Caught up in your smile

I've never opened up to anyone
So hard to hold back when I'm holding you in my arms
We don't need to rush this
Let's just take this slow

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch in the fire burning so bright
And I don't want to mess this thing up
I don't want to push too far
Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life
So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight

I know that if we give this a little time
It will only bring us closer to the love we wanna find
It's never felt so real, no it's never felt so right

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch in the fire burning so bright
And I don't want to mess this thing up
I don't want to push too far
Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life
So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight

No I don't want to say goodnight
I know it's time to leave, but you'll be in my dreams
Tonight
Tonight
Tonight

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch in the fire burning so bright
And I don't want to mess this thing up
I don't want to push too far
Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life
So baby I'm alright, oh, let's do this right, with just a kiss goodnight
With a kiss goodnight
Kiss goodnight

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I love their harmonizing! ♥♥♥ Oh man! I wish I can harmonise like that too! Been working on it, but somehow, I just can't catch the harmonising note... Zzz. My friend says I'm more like a lead singer than a back-up singer. But I want to learn to harmonise. I think it sounds really beautiful.

Sadly, most of my harmonising attempts are epic fail...

Back to the present?

Since I am in no more mood to study... I shall write some rubbish here. XD

Many people occupied my thoughts during this week long study period. People I miss.

First, is Yuki. She's been on my mind for quite a while. I just never blog about her. Sigh... And it's been almost a year since I last saw her... ;_; Yes, I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms when she's not around. Especially, immediately after she leaves, and after a long while... And, of course, I go high whenever I see her. =^^=

So yeah... I miss her lots... Especially now, it's so near the holidays and I can't wait to see her again! ^-^

The next person I miss is a no-brainer. Kyoya. I actually miss watching him and hearing him talk. ^^" But at least now's not so bad. The first few days of the week, the Kyoya withdrawal symptoms were stronger. Eh... Before it got overtaken by the Yuki withdrawal symptoms...

(Why do I keep making my friends sound like drugs...?) =/

I don't miss Inume that much... Probably cause I see her almost every month... And when I miss her, either she'll come over my place (yes, she's that free now) or I go over her place (when I'm free). Although I suffer from withdrawal symptoms when she's gone too...

Yuki's place... I've never been there before... >.> So I can't visit her... ;_;

Interestingly enough... The third person on my "Miss" list... Is someone I rather not say... I'm actually quite surprise he's on my "Miss" list... I can't say I know him, yet can't say I don't... Yet, I do want to know him better...

And although I don't really hang out with him that much, somehow... Yeah. I do miss him... If you can actually guess who he is, kudos to you. UGH. I've barely just figured out my feelings for one person... I don't need another one to complicate stuff!! UGH.

Luckily for me... for the third person... I don't miss him as much as the others... If I do... God help me...

Anyway, with that, I have to go back to studying... Even though nothing's going to my head anymore... ;_;

Back to the present?

YOUR BOY SIDE:
x You love hoodies
x You love jeans
Dogs are better than cats
x Its hilarious when people get hurt.
x You've played with/against boys on a team
x Sometimes shopping is torture
Sad movies suck
>You own an XBOX (owned)
x You played with Hot Wheels as a little kid.
x At some point in life you wanted to be a firefighter.
You own/owned a DS, PS2, or Sega
x You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers
x Sometimes you watch sports on TV (sport anime? :D)
x Gory movies are cool
You go to your dad for advice
You own like a trillion baseball hats
You used to/do collect football collector cards
Baggy sweatpants are cool to wear
x Its kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people
x Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors
x You love to go crazy and not care what other people think
x Sports are fun
Sometimes you talk with food in your mouth
Sometimes you sleep at night with your socks on
You have fished at least once

TOTAL = 14.5

YOUR GIRL SIDE:
You love to shop
You wear eyeliner
x Sometimes you go to your mom for advice
x You consider cheer leading a sport
You like going to the mall
You hate wearing the color black
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures
You like wearing jewelry
You cried watching The Notebook
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe (I own like, 2 skirts, or something)
Shopping is one of your hobbies
x You don't like the movie Star Wars
You are/were in gymnastics
It takes you around one hour to shower
x You smile a lot more than you should
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes
> You care about what you look like
You like wearing dresses when you can
You like high heel shoes
x You used to play with dolls as a kid
You like putting makeup on others
You like being the star of almost everything
x You wear body spray/perfume
Pink is one of your favorite colors

Total = 6.5

Hm... Seems like I'm more of a guy than a girl, in terms of personality. XD Though after friday's epic event, I doubt there's any doubt in anyone's mind that I'm female. Hahaha!

I'm still living off the high of the attention from Friday, by the way. And a part of me suddenly wants to dress more femininely, just for the attention. XDDD

Attention. Being the center of attention. Is such an addictive drug. I'm still craving it. Although I have a feeling that an overdose will make me a rather superficial person... =/

Back to the present?