Sigh... Chinese is really tearing me apart, inside out... Sigh... It's not like I don't study... But somehow... With what I can remember, I might as well don't...

;_; It's really like Dance all over again... No matter how hard I try, it's as if I'm not trying at all... There is no results... And everytime the teacher ask questions in class, I just feel like crying because I know I studied at least some of those parts before, but I can't recall a single thing...

I'm not being modest. I am not being shy. I really have no fucking clue.

Doesn't help that my chinese is weak.

And yes, I know the consequence of not knowing... I know why I have to get this module right. I KNOW. But all that knowledge does is add more stress (distress actually) to the fact that I CAN'T REMEMBER!!!

Zzz... And everytime I hear the guys discussing about the properties of each herb, I really just feel like breaking down altogether because I can't really recognise a single word they are saying... it's like my Wernicke's area is unable to comprehend chinese... ZZZ.

I don't repeat those herb names out loud for no reason you know... I really cannot connect the sound of the words and the form of the words itself. SIGH. If I could, I would really go without sleep and food like BMS(J) if I know that with that much effort, my grades would improve. But I know that even the lack of sleep would deteriorate my learning ability even more...

The sad part is... I know... The amount of work I put into this... Won't even be translated into my results. Heck, I can just mug as hard as BMS(E) and BMS(N) and I'll still get, like, a D.

I kid you not.

And I know I failed my mid-terms. The fact that the teacher called on my name in class is just a confirmation of what I already know.

It's like... Knowing no matter how much effort you put in... The end result is going to be the same as me no studying at all... Zzz. I am sometimes so tempted not to even bother... Because I doubt the grades is even gonna differ... I don't need BMS(I)'s exasperated expression to know that I royally screwed over for this module...

Back to the present?

Things people I know will not say:

Persis: "It's ok. It's your decision. I will not persuade you on this matter."

Justin: "I will stop dancing soon"

Justin (from cheers): "From hence forth, I will stop telling lame jokes" XDDD

Ivan: "I'm happy with a B. =)" (XD He's too much of a perfectionist to settle for something like a B)

Edmund: "I have decided to stop obssessing over SNSD" (The day you do my dear... The day you do....)

Dad: "I think I will stop working for now and take a break"

Trish: "Kanda, ugh."

Me: "OMG. I LOVE CHINESE" (yeah right...)

Francine: "Hey! I have decided to go to a school to study!" (No offense)

Jasmine: "Now... Let's all be sensitive and rational..."

Nick: "Hm... I think it's time I give up photography..."

Michelle: "Let's PARTY!!" (I will go into shock if she says this...)

JY: "I think I should stop playing DOTA..."

Abel: "I don't like children"

Jenson: "Sigh. I don't have time to cycle anymore..."

Samuel: "Sis! I have decided to quit HI Club" (I will force him back in if he does... XD)

Isaac: "I will stop facebooking and start studying seriously from now onwards" (This I wish too)

Mom: "Sorry. I have decided to stop drinking"

Melissa (from cell): "I don't want to go to Laos anymore..."

JL: "I don't like to cook anymore..."

Czekin: "From today onwards, I'll be vegetarian" (Haha! The day this carnivore turns vegetarian...)

Nat: "Let's RRRROCK and RRRRROLL!! Whoo!"

Back to the present?

I wish I could have done more...

I wish I could have done SOMETHING. Instead of just watching you fade away like that. Who knew? The moment you fell asleep, you would never wake up again... You were already so weak... And I hoped you would have enough strength to last till tomorrow, at least until I could bring you to a specialist. But, it seems, I was too optimistic, to hope that you would last the night.

I should have figured out... You were so tired. And in pain. Even though you were given painkillers, I didn't know whether you were still hurting or not... You were always good at hiding your pain. And now... Sigh. I just wish... I wish I could have done more. To help you through...

Even though you were with us for a short time, you belonged to the family as much as I did...

I don't know what was wrong with you... I don't know what caused your paralysis and your death. Fuck. I don't know anything.

And I don't know if whatever caused your death will affect her as well... And all I can do is pray she'll be alright...

Haha. One day should really advertise my house as a haunted house. Already got 3 deaths, and counting. Somehow, I can't stop that bitter voice in my head that asks "Who's next?"

Back to the present?

I want to know you Lord
You are great big God
I'm young and do not know a lot
Come and be my all

I want to love you more
Giving you my life and all
You died for me you sacrificed
I won't forget you Lord

I love you Jesus, I'll grow up knowing you
I love you Jesus, I'll grow up serving you
I love you Jesus, my life was saved by you
I'll never forget, never forget
I'll grow up loving you

----------------------------------------------------

This was the song that touched my heart today in cell. It reminded me of all the things that happened when I was young. What I felt when I "met" God, and so on so forth. Things... That cement my faith, but things I cannot describe... And I know these things, I'll never forget. And I'll grow up loving him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meme from Inume (again):

DO YOU...
Drink?: Yup. Don't exactly like water though. XD
Smoke?: Hell no
Use Drugs?: Not really. XP
Cuss?: Sometimes. Especially when I get angry (rarely).
Play Any Instruments?: I sing. Does that count?
Have Any Peircings?: Ears. And that's enough holes in me for a lifetime.
Have Any Tattoos?: Airbrush tattoos when I was in Aus.
Like To Annoy People?: Depends on the people
Like Life?: Generally
Wear Make-Up?: No. Unless I've to sing for choir (every month)
Dye Your Hair?: Haha! Yes. Plan to do so again... After my exams... XD
Scream At The top of your lungs for no reason?: Never
Get Distracted By Shiny Objects?: Once in a while... Sometimes... All the time, actually.
Like Pina Coladas?: Not really. It's so-so.
And Getting Caught In The Rain?: Depends. When I'm dry, I like to stay dry. When I'm already drenched, yea... I like the rain.

ARE YOU...
Dependable?: I dunno
Trustworthy?: Hope so
Obsessive?: Definitely
Hyper Active?: Most likely
Happy?: Generally
Content?: All the time =)
Boring?: Once in a while. XD
Violent?: Generally... ^^"
Evil?: Not at all, actually...
Hippie-Ish?: Nope
Shy?: Relatively
Paranoid?: Quite
Annoying?: ^^" I think so...
Social?: =/
Religious?: Not really... But I do love my religion...

WHATS YOUR FAVORITE...
TV Show?: I don't like TV.
Movie?: As of the moment, Legend of the Guardians
Band/Singer(s)?: DBSK, Big Bang, SNSD, D-51, etc. XD
Song?: iTunes says it's Be My Girl by JYJ
Book/Story?: Narnia, Sherlock Holmes. Comics: Asterix and Obelix, Dolls, One Piece, etc.
Color(s)?: Black, silver, red
Shape?: Circles, hearts and crosses
Animal?: Tiger
Person(s)?: JUNSU!!!
Smell?: Lavender, Jasmine
Flower?: Dark red roses
Subject?: Bio
Sport?: Cheerleading (is that a sport??)
Word?: SIGH. HAHA.
Quote?: Interestingly... It's the same as my cousin's. "Hitori janai". I am not alone.
Hobby?: Reading, playing, reading, reading and more reading actually... And singing occasionally
Store?: Kinokuniya, Page One, Popular, etc. Anywhere with books and stationery.
Season?: Autumn
Time Of Day?: None

WHATS YOUR...
Worst Fear?: Falling in love.
Life Goal?: To settle down, get my own house! And live the life God planned for me, whatever that is.
Greatest Accomplishment?: ... I build a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle within 2 days. =D

WHICH ONE...
Pepsi Or Coke?: Pepsi Twist, actually
McDonald's Or Burger King?: McDonalds
Converse Or Vans?: Converse. I don't know what Vans is...
Dogs Or Cats?: Cats
AIM, YIM Or MSN Messenger?: MSN Messenger
Chicken Or Fish?: Neither
Black Or White?: Depends
MTV Or FUSE?: Neither
MP3 player, ipod or CD player?: Ipod
Pants Or Shorts?: Cargo pants would be best.

DESCRIBE YOUR PERFECT...
Day: Sleeping in all day long, without worries.
Room: A bed, a computer, with bookshelves... Basically a bedroom cum reading room. And the room is RED.
Life: Can't imagine one.
World: Whatever drama that's inside my head...
Romantic Date: Me, the guy, and the night sky. By the beach.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN...
God?: Yes
Heavan & Hell?: Yes
Angels & Demons?: Yeah
Reincarnation?: No.
Yourself?: Not really
Ghosts?: Not really, but I am *slightly* afraid of them
UFOs?: No.
Big Foot?: No.
Lockness Monster?: No.
A Thing Called Love?: Not really. More of, I refuse to.

WOULD YOU EVER...
Kill Someone Else?: Depends
Kill Yourself?: No
Beg For Money?: NO. Call it pride.
Skydive?: Maybe
Bunjee Jump?: If I'm feeling suicidal.
Make out in the rain?: No.
Run Away From Home?: If I have to.
Ride A Motorcycle?: Rode one actually. =D But not with me as the driver.
Do Extreme Sports?: Doubt it. But I wish I could... So maybe...


MORE ABOUT YOU...
Do You Own A Car?: Not really
Ever Been To Jail?: No
Ever Gotten Kicked out?: Yes
Do You Have A Job?: At the moment, I'm a student. =(
Do You Like Taking Surveys Like This?: Once in a while

THATS ALL FOLKS...
Are You Lonely?: No
Are You Sitting In A BeanBag Chair Eatin' Cheetos?: No
Do You Feel The Urge To Send Me A Thousand Dollars?: I want... The money... Not the sending.
Do You Know Where That Comes From?: ???
How Many Licks Does It Take To Get To The Center Of A Tootsie Pop?: ... Who on earth knows that?!?! And don't answer that question
Is That Your Final Answer?: Yup
Are You Sure?: No I'm not. *sarcastic*
Positive?: ...
Glad That This Is Over?: This section, at least.

Back to the present?

We got a new rabbit today. A very lovely, light brown/white/black tri-coloured male rabbit.

But the place we got him from... Let's just say that it is not very hygienic or healthy in any way.

So when we got him today, he was covered in feces, urine and God-knows-what-else. Zzz. His name's Russell btw.

So I brushed him and all, (and his fur became much softer and smoother, and less sticky and stringy) but I still need to get him a bowl and something to give him water... And it seems I need some fences too. Two rabbits in a cage is a very bad idea... Especially if one is male and the other female.

But the first encounter between Lassie and Russell was hell funny!! Cause while Russell grew up among male and female rabbits, Lassie only had herself. So she's never seen or smelled a male rabbit before.

Haha! So when Lassie first met Russell, she was very curious. But also very shy. Haha! It was so funny!!! Cause Lassie has always been the little spoilt princess in her little world. So for her to suddenly seem so uncertain and shy about something like a male rabbit, it just sets my mom and I into laughter.

Haha! Seriously, they were sooo cute! But I need to go to the vet to check Russell out... And preferrably neut him as well... I can't deal with having so many baby bunnies around, cause there will be no one to look after them...

XD They're situation really fits the song "Uptown Girl" now. Hahahahaha! Lassie, the uptown girl, meets Russell, the downtown boy. But I won't allow them to get together. Mwhahaha!

But so far, they're dealing ok. I think, since Russell lived in a really small cage with lots of other rabbits... By letting him run as much as he wants in the backyard made him get used to the place real quick. ~_^ Helps to have pretty Lassie as an incentive to relax. Though, typical animals, they're still sort of wary of each other.

But they're getting along well... I was afraid it would be like Kim and Tabby... Two dogs trying to tear each other's necks out is not a good start to a relationship... But Lassie and Russell are not so fierce... Maybe cause they're rabbits... =/

Back to the present?