Zzz. Ok. Good mood gone.
Seriously. Now I'm beginning to think Kyoya is right...
If I'm being too nice and soft-hearted, and not hold up my end of the timeout, the other party won't even respect my decision and keep pestering and whining to me. Zzz.
And now, it seems that my word holds no more weight... All I am is just another pushover for you to knock down and have your way.
Sigh. Forget support... You don't respect me, you don't trust me, you don't even know how to care about me. And you say you love me...
As you said before, words don't mean anything if the actions doesn't match up...
What am I to you? Cause all I feel like is that I'm just another pet to you. For you to play around, buy stuff and keep you company. Want me to bark for you while I'm at it?
I gave up caring already. I have exams to pass, deadlines to meet, work to do. I don't have the energy or the emotions left to care that you want attention.
You're not a child that needs to be mollycoddled. Zzz.
And you can't even take care of yourself, forget taking care of me. Not sleeping, falling sick. Hell, I'm a dependent person and I'm faring better, in an unknown country in the middle of a damn cold winter trying to study my ass off, than you.
And frankly, I'm tired. I'm tired of worrying about you as if you're some defenseless 10-year-old. I'm tired of caring. I'm damn tired of trying to support you when I am desperately needing support myself, and being scolded because I am not supporting enough. I'm tired of defending you when everyone points out all your flaws that they see to me. Not flaws as a person. But flaws in the way you've been treating me.
And I just want to sleep and never wake up because I'm just so damn tired of everything. And you. You just make things worse.
You won't even give me time to heal from the wounds you gave me.
Sigh... And all I can think of now is you snapping at me over the phone about how I don't care about your feelings, how I've been hurting you and all. Well. Congrats. Now I've really stopped caring. Not like it will make much of a difference, since you didn't seem to think that I cared back then.
I'm a nice person. But I don't like being taken advantage of. If you don't even appreciate how much I gave to you, I can stop giving as well. No point sacrificing when the other party doesn't appreciate it. After all, all it does is hurt me in the end.
You said before you like to be appreciated. Ever thought that other people would want the same thing? Or perhaps you can't see it. Then it doesn't make a difference if I stop. Like i said, there's no point trying and trying if it goes nowhere. All it'll be is wasted effort.
Why I wanted to give you another chance? I guess I wanted to believe it would have make a difference. That it would go somewhere if I tried again.
I will still try, but personally, I won't get my hopes up...