Sigh. Exams are over, HOORAY!!! But now... I can feel boredom creeping in like a shadow... Actually it's more of, it's already here. And I'm already bored to death. But I want to rest before doing more crazy things. Anyway, the past week left me with lots of time and boredom and lots of words I wish to say to people who are no longer here.
So I decided to compile some letters to people who will never receive it:
Harsha,
Hey girl. I miss you. After all these years, those 4 years spent with you are still the most memorable ones of my life. Haha! Remember all the crazy things we did, from soccer to climbing trees and sliding down hills. Not to mention all those chatrooms we visited out of curiosity and that first smutty story you lent me. Haha! Thanks to you, I never quite believed I was all that innocent. Haha! But thanks to you, I also learnt a lot about things no one talks about.
Now that you've all grown up and out, there are times I wish I could see you again. Just to see the paths we took. I know, from asking around, that although both of us travelled a similar path once, now, our paths couldn't be more different.
I'm still a silly girl studying in a relatively good university with very interesting friends, morally upright, and probably a little too strict with myself at times. You, on the other hand, took up smoking and I heard you dropped out or something. You became wild and uncontrollable, and I have no doubts you tried things you shouldn't and all those jazz. And yet, I believe if I do ever see you again, I will still see that girl I know behind your eyes.
It was you who opened my eyes. And I never quite saw the world the same way again.
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Matthew,
Yo! How's life down under in Aus? Ever since that day, I've never seen or heard you again. I suppose it's partially my fault. I changed my email during my last year in JC. That there went my only mode of contact with several of you guys.
Haha! Often, I would think about on those 2 weeks and the next thing I know, I'm imagining what happens when you and the others come over to Singapore. And I find myself grinning like an idiot because of it.
A lot of things have happened since I last saw you. I'm now in university. I'm also friends with more crazy people. Haha! Sigh. I missed having you around to "bully". Haha! You made my stay in Aus very memorable. But I suppose I was too blind to have seen it then. I was too focused on myself, and having fun. But now, as I look back, I suppose I should have done other things instead.
I was jealous, you know. When you befriended those other two girls. I suppose that was the possessive side of me, but I didn't want to share you with others. =P Yeah. And now, looking back, I should smash my head against the wall at how childish I was. And still am.
One day, I hope to see you again. I'm sure, we have lots of stories to trade.
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Carmen,
Hey girl! How are you? Have you visited Singapore since we last met? I wonder how you are. I have so much to tell you. Haha! I've been listening to TVXQ's songs. They were your favourite I remember. You even wrote them on your air-brushed tattoo. Haha! I had missed you. You, Jonatham and Matt. The three of you meant something to me when I was in Aus. Haha!
Jonathan, less so. Both of us hardly talked, but we watched each other a lot. ^^" Sounds odd, but both of us bonded that way. Hahaha! But I missed him too. He's always soo... Aloof. And by himself. Haha! Before I left Aus, I have grown quite fond of him. We used to send each other emails, until I changed my email... UGH. I AM SUCH AN IDIOT!!!
Haha! And now, the email is extinct. Sigh... What won't I give to see and talk to you guys again... Haha! Are you still dating Daniel? How is he? There is this lady in my church that plays the piano really well. She reminds me of you a lot. And everytime I see her play, sometimes, I wish it were you.
Have you graduated from Aus yet? I'm studying Hell in my university. And I still have 2 more years to go. XD I wonder, what would you plan to study? I doubt it's anything science-related. Haha! After all, when I met you, you were from the Arts side. Haha!
One more time, I wish to see you, Jon and Matt. Once more. Sigh. Although... I doubt I would be able to.
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I am such a nostalgic fool. Here I am in the present, dreaming of the past instead of wishing for the future.
And of course here's a last letter to the me of the past (like primary school kind of past):
Hey you,
I am the you of the future. And there's a lot of things I would like to say to you. First of all, don't be so scared of the lack of friends you have. You're just damn picky. -_- But don't worry. You will find the friends you're looking for. Your criteria is hard, but not impossible to find.
And just go wild. The things you remember best are whatever stupid and crazy things you did. Don't keep being so safe. It's ok. You will make lots of mistakes. And learn lots of bad influence. FYI, Harsha is actually not that good an influence. But you'll learn a lot from her. Like how I'm learning other weird stuffs from the friends I have made. So relax a little. And don't keep beating yourself up for every mistake you make.
Build up your world. It's your only place of refuge. Just don't get lost in it. There are many exciting things to experience here in reality. But one day, that world of yours will be the only place you can retreat to. And don't be so emo-ish about life. Reality, with the right company, can be as nice or even better than that world of yours.
Sort yourself out. You'd probably take a while to come to terms with the realisation that yes, you have emotions. You will question it, puzzle over it, and slowly open yourself to it. It's ok. It's... Not a pleasant experience. But it's not that bad either.
Last of all, the God that you fell in love with. He never changed. He has always been there, He will always be there. Take courage from His presence, chase Him. You won't be disappointed. The love you have, even until now, it never changed. So go. Leave your nest. And fly.