PCD's latest album came out! XD And I am in love with all their songs. Hahaha!
They are just 3 pastors with amazing harmony, and they are my inspiration! I love their songs and you can hear their hearts in the songs they sing. Haha!
I first listened to them when I was in secondary school. They were my Mom's favourite. And once I listened to a couple of their songs, I fell in love with their voices. XD And their songs.
Anyway, I supposed I posted something similar before, I can't remember. Belonging. Somehow, today, I am once again reminded that I don't belong. It's that odd alien feeling you get when you realise you're not following everyone else.
I admit, I am not like most Christians. I am not talking about Him 24/7, I am not all Thou-art-Holy, I don't know much about the Bible (heck, I think some anti-Christians read the Bible more than me), and God knows, I probably done things that would make other Christians cry in horror. But I think even God can tell, He's the person I love the most in the whole universe.
But I guess being open-minded like that makes me so different from other Christians... And I don't belong. I can't belong to their small world.
And yet, because I am a Christian. Because I love God, I don't belong to the world either. And times like these, I really feel lost. Like, where do I belong? Haha! And many times, I do feel caught in the middle. Like, there's so much more to this world that you Christians are living in, why are you looking only here?!
And I am one who wears my heart on my sleeve. I don't understand, why I should pretend or hide myself, just for the comfort for other narrow-minded idiots. The model catch-phrase of the Church is "Come as you are", and yet, we are judged and prejudiced by other Christians for being ourselves.
I don't see the logic or the sense in it. The pastors, bless their hearts, are actually way more understanding and accepting than the congregation. I guess that's why they're pastors. The pastors are nicer and way friendlier than the people in church.
And I don't understand. Aren't you people supposed to have the same heartbeat? To chase after God and be like Him? Yet, why are your behaviours so far from what God is? From what I know God is?
Our God, is an open, understanding God. And I think God understands. The actions we take in our lives, the stupid stuff we do, I believe God understands. Whether He approves or not, He understands. Sigh. And I actually have to search for understanding in our church, only to find it in the non-Christians. Sigh.
Christianity is not supposed to be a chain which ties us down. Yet, I think, for many Christians, it has become just that. At least... That's the feeling I get from people around my age. The adults... Less so. They have more or less been there, done that, moved on. XD
I dunno. I guess it's just me in the end. To me, in this stage of my life, I want freedom. I want to travel the world. I want to do crazy things and not be judged. I want to push boundaries, rebel, enjoy the thrill of the chase and all that rubbish. And... Everyone else in church are just... Happy being where they are. And I dunno... I can't stand it.
Zzz. And sometimes I really do wonder, why am I so different. For a Christian, I am different. Zzz.
Oh yeah. Although my cell and church has been telling me that when I go China, I should find a nice church and a nice group of people to share with, etc, I think... When I go China, I want to isolate myself from the Christian community.
Frankly, I'm tired of being in a community of always telling me what to do, what is right, what is wrong, what is acceptable, what I should believe, what my role in life is, etc. When I go China, I want to sit down and learn what kind of Christian I am. I want to know my place.
Basically, I want to do some soul-searching. Just me and God.
I think, after all these years, I need it.