"Happy new year baby <3"
I think, of all the new year messages I've read, that one set me into laughter just by thinking about it. XD
By the way, it's not send to me. ~_^
Haha!
Today was a rather thought-provoking day.
First I spent nearly the entire day with Mel, which was a really good thing. It took my mind off stuff when I'd be emo-ing about. Waste of mental energy and time. So yeah. I was really glad we met.
And something that Mel said that struck me as kinda true. She said that we are mirrors of each other. And I quite agree with that. Since the holidays are ending now, and my brain is sort of panicking in its own way...
I remembered thinking and reflecting on how I react with different people. Initially the idea of me being a mirror came to my mind, but I brushed away that thought. Because the idea of a mirror, to me, represents a reflection.
But while people influence me, I definitely don't become like their twin or something. But when Mel mentioned it, my mind instantly flashed back to that moment of when I was thinking of the idea of a mirror.
In the end, I think, a mirror don't quite cut it... I mean, yes, due to certain influences, we reflect certain things, but to say that we are like mirrors is a little too much reflection... In my opinion.
I'd say... Certain traits are reflected, certain traits are complemented. Some people reflect more than complement. Some complement more than reflect. And I think I'm somewhere in the middle. =/
And I also talked to Kyoya about Sexy too. Personally, I have my doubts the relationship will really work out. It's not impossible. But... I dunno... I guess I'm kinda insecure about such things too. And when I can't control the situation well, I tend to think too much. Zzz... Which lead to more insecurities.
On my side, I take a while to form a close, stable bond with a person. It took at least one year to even decide to befriend Kyoya. And it took me another year or so to be this comfortable around him.
But for Sexy, if he asks me out this month, I'd have... 8 months to figure everything out. If he asks me out later, I'd have less time. If he's bidding his time... I'll kill him. -_-
But I guess the main thing I am kinda scared about is, I do not know Sexy as well as I liked to... As in... Certain things about him are obvious enough... But to really know a person is to learn about the not so obvious parts as well, I believe.
Anyway, since I will be going off to China in August, I have no idea how to make it work... And I don't really believe in long distance relationship... Unless the relationship is damn stable. 8 months is barely enough to build a framework.
And then, after I go China, what happens next?
And also, Sexy and I... Are more alike than complements actually. And just like the way Kyoya would ground me emotionally, I am going to have to ground Sexy emotionally too. Since he's way more flighty than me... Which is a bad thing... Zzz.
Although I have a feeling that through Sexy, I will learn a lot more about the traits of myself that I need to know. With Kyoya, I can find out about the parts I want to know. Because he makes things that easy for me. =P But with Sexy... The road's not only gonna be tougher, but an uphill one too.
All I know is, I can't see a relationship with Sexy going anywhere, but I'm willing to try. It's just... Poor Kyoya will get stuck in the middle... Cause I've a feeling when Sexy is troubled, he'll find Kyoya first. =/ Poor guy.
For me, I'll try to resolve things on my own first. If not, I can ask my mom for help... God knows, Kyoya has more than enough burdens to handle already. XD And I'd feel bad about burdening him with my issues.
Sigh. The obstacles I have to face... May God help me.