You foolish nut!
If you consider knowing Ivan a waste of time, THEN DON'T ASK ME ABOUT HIM!!! Seriously, you had a taste of what Ivan is like, yet, you want to know his opinion. Dude!! If that ain't asking for trouble, I don't know what is.
Seriously... Don't let Ivan get under your skin. He's deliberately mocking you to fire you up. You getting angry... You might as well let him win the war. Sigh... Seriously... If you don't want to bother with him... THEN WHY ARE YOU PISSED OFF!! If you don't care, if you are not bothered, then why are you affected??? Zzz. Your actions contradict your words. And somehow... I'm more inclined to listen to your actions more than your words.
And you wonder why I have difficulty trusting you... I don't know what to listen to anymore... Do you really not care? Or do you not WANT to care? If it's the latter, I believe eventually, I can reach through to you. If you really don't care, you would be ignoring me. The fact that if I try to talk to you cause I'm worried, and you do share, it's times like these that I feel like can be friends with you... It makes me think that you do care... Even if you don't want to.
And my dear... So what if I worry about you? Somehow, it's in-built in the X chromosome, and it's about you. If I don't worry, it means I don't care. Sorry for being concerned about another human being. God knows, I'm probably making a mistake to care for you. But it's my choice. As tedious as it is, as much as it is a waste of energy, time, etc. It's my choice to worry about you. So sorry if you don't appreciate it. Sorry for caring.
Also, you don't trust me because I don't tell you stuff? My dear, if that's the case, everyone will be at war. There are always things that we tell certain people and not others. And sometimes, the things you want to know are not easy put in words. I have no idea how to put all of Ivan's dislike, biasedness, and crude nature into words. If you want to get an answer out of Ivan himself, you have to endure endless hours of crude insults and vulgarities and still get nowhere. Tried that, failed utterly. So in the end, it's easier to just tune him out. Better for my sanity too.
And if you want answers, just ask. But give me time to think about the answer! Some of my answers are based on gut feeling or an emotion. How the hell do I put those into words??? Sheesh!
Trust is earned. That's what I believe at least... If your trust in me falls, then I'll find a way to earn it back again. Granted, it'll still be with cracks, but at least I'm trying. You have yet to earn mine. And mine is not easily given.
Zzz. Just because I don't tell you stuffs, you throw a tantrum. What are you, 5? Try to understand from the other person's point of view, like why won't I tell you. It doesn't quite hurt to think about others once in a while you know.
Sigh... Why do most of our conversations nowadays end up with you in anger...? Zzz.
Sometimes... I really don't get you... Not because you are difficult to understand... But the things you do and the things you say, somehow don't quite match up... And I don't know what to think anymore.
And now... No I do not expect you to ask me out again. But I'm still trying to be a friend to you. I'm still working out the kinks. Sorry if I offended you. I'm still human. I make mistakes.
Ah hell. I swear... You are the only person that can bother me this much... Zzz! Whether I want to or not... Sometimes I really wish I'm not human... Or at least I wish I'm emotionless... It's the things I can't control, like these damn feelings of mine, that really get me frustrated.
P.S. Thank God you didn't go through with your idea of surprising me. As nice as the idea is, I DO NOT like surprises. If you did... Well... Let's just say that if Ivan doesn't punch you, I would. I tend to react badly towards surprises.