Today's sermon talks about the type of people God find favour in... One of the last points of the sermon is that when God is in work, there is no such things as accidents, only God-ordained purposes. And now I'm wondering... What is God's purpose for putting me in TCM, when He knows it's my weakest subject?

I'm in the midst of the battle between letting go and holding on... The things I can't let go... And I do not know why. Like for YX, I know I should let go... But my heart isn't letting go despite whatever my head says... I says that my words are now contradicting my actions... Zzz... I don't see the contradiction... But I saw his point... Verbally, intellectually, I know I should let go. But somehow... My actions still tries to keep him close. I mean... I don't want to lose him as a friend... But I guess I'm still keeping him close because I can't let go yet... Zzz! WHY WHY WHY. It's not like I'm asking him out... All I did was ask him if he was willing to celebrate my birthday with me, together with my friends. After all... I haven't seen him since... Exams started... Sigh... So what's so wrong with that???

And also about TCM... With my grades, I should just let go and take BS... But... Somehow, I have this feelings I should stay... And overcome this weakness of mine... Zzz... Could be my dad trying to brainwash me again... But... I don't know... I don't even know what I want anymore...

Zzz...

As for hall... I'm asking as much people as I know for help... D says she may know someone... or two... XD Haha! We agreed if either one of us gets a hall, we'll squat with each other... Haha! And if neither of us gets hall... ;_; We shall... KIDNAP A JCRC MEMBER AND BLACKMAIL FOR ONE!! MWHAHAHA! XD And if both of us gets our desired hall, I'm buying us drinks! ~_^ Haha! Aw... I guess one of the reasons why I DON'T want to give TCM up is because... Of all the friends and the people I met here... I can still see them in BS... But it's not the same...

Sigh... I'm missing the guys from cheerleading as well... Not just YX anymore... Keep reminiscing about the trainings we had and the time we spent cooking up crap and just hanging out... Sometimes... I wish the holidays will end just so I can see them again... Sigh... I think... If my dad ever bans my friends from coming over... I think I will just go crazy and die here.

Back to the present?