Continuing my reflective mood these few days...
I don't believe in love. I can say that with utmost confidence. What is love anyway? Many people have many theories about it, but it all boils down to the same answer in the end, there is no definite answer for that question. Love is many things, everything and nothing at the same time.
I think... Human's capacity for love, is both limited and limitless at the same time too. There are those who love unconditionally, just like God. They're the ones that are constantly hurt... After all, if you open up your heart to people, don't expect it to come back in one piece. They are the ones that would selflessly sacrifice themselves for others. But most don't do that. Even if they say they would. I guess everyone has a barrier around their heart, it's just whether they are conscious of it or not. It seems, I am becoming more and more conscious of this barrier. There is a part of me that is held back. Bondages of fear? I have no idea.
I only know that it's human nature to not want to be hurt. Walls and ice built around our heart only serves to provide a minimum sense of security. I think that's why some people can fall in and out of love easily. Because there was no sacrifice, or minimal sacrifice involved. If they did involve their entity, everything they view as important, into the relationship only to have it shattered before their very eyes... No wonder some people turn suicidal. Even if they did not attempt some form of death, living becomes one heck of a torture... At least until they learn to heal again... After all, life goes on.
Like I said, I don't believe in the human's capacity for love. Heck, even God's heart aches like crazy AND HE IS GOD. That openness and unconditional love given, no human can give. We're too afraid to. And we cannot withstand the pain. To fall in love... I don't believe it. To me, love is something else altogether.
It is a promise.
I guess that's why I can say that I like YX, but I don't love him. I can't. There is a deeply-rooted sense of fondness for him. But I do not love him. Unless God says "Yes", I will not promise myself to him at all. Sure, we both act like 5 and stay up late, sleep over, tease, play and joke around. But... Hm... I think... That's all I am to him actually... A little sister. I don't think he quite view me the way I view him... And until I get a verbal confirmation otherwise, I'll keep thinking it so.
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To me, Love is a commitment; a promise. When you say "I love you", mean it. When you say "I do", mean it.When you promise to be there, mean it. Otherwise, don't promise at all. And don't say crap stuffs like "I will die without you" etc., cause they're all lies. Hm... I think now I know why I don't have a boyfriend. XD Apparently, relationships are not something I take light-heartedly. XD