Hey Juliet
I think you're fine
You really blow my mind
Maybe someday, you and me can run away
I just want you to know
I wanna be your Romeo
Hey Juliet
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Haha! This song has been running through my mind. It's a beautiful Saturday. And I'm in hall. =.= I miss my family. Missing my beloved two brothers, talking both rubbish and thoughtful stuffs with them. XD To most people in NTU, they think I'm very immature. Hahaha! But I can have deep, meaningful conversations. Except it's only with my brothers. Or Mom... >.>
Sigh... It took me 6 years to build up the walls around myself... And almost over 6 years to tear them down to this point. I think... Back when I was younger, I was afraid of getting hurt. So I opened up myself to no one but my family. The children were childish, immature, and I didn't understand them. Because I'm the eldest in my family, I have to look after everyone when my parents disappear (which happened quite often when I was young). So I didn't have a very childish mind then... But I think, as I looked back, I was never really alone. First of all, God is always with me, and me, being a kid, is more sensitive to such things. Second, my family has always been behind my back. So I never felt alone before. But I was ostracised when in Primary School... At least I felt that way. So I knew that tendrils of darkness that tried to wrap itself around my heart. I knew, I never liked to feel that way again. So I closed off my heart.
But if I close my heart, how can God enter?
Since Sec Sch then, I have been trying to open up my heart. So far... The only ones I have actually open up to is F, MYap and a lost friend... For F and MYap, they walk in and out of my life actually. But the footprints they left never disappear.
But now in NTU, it's very different... I can talk to lots of people now... Especially the guys... I wonder why... Haha! Maybe it's cause my brothers are quite mature for their age, and I'm not used to talking to the childish way of the younger guys. XD But now... I've torn down most of my walls... And I'm afraid again... Of those tendrils of darkness called loneliness... Hm... Maybe that's why I keep crashing YX's room. XD At least I'm not alone then... When he disappears, as in when he goes out for something, and VR is not in, somehow, the room took on a similar feeling as mine. It's a sense of isolation... Zzz... Can't wait for him to wake up... (HE'S STILL ASLEEP!!!) so that I can crash his room once more. XP Hm... BMS(I) says that I keep giving to YX, cause... well... I like him. Duh. But in essence, YX, by letting me stay over in his room, give me company and erase a sense of lost. Except I don't think he realises it. >.<
And I realised something... I can't really watch shows when I'm alone. I mean... I can barely sit through one episode of Gundam Wing. XD But in YX's room, I can watch a few episodes with him. I guess I'm not capable of watching shows alone... After all, even at home, I watch all sorts of shows and movies with my family. It's a group event, to me. Watching it alone feels kinda different... It's like... There's no one to laugh with you or to bother you when you're watching... (Yes, I'm odd. I like to be bothered.) It's definitely more fun to watch with others. Heck, even LOTR is more fun when watching it with Inume! Can't wait to marathon POTC with her during the hols!!
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Zzz... Don't wanna study... Don't get me wrong... It's not that I don't like my course. It's just... Chinese... But I think I'm faring better at it compared to last times... Yay! Hm... Need to brush up on my basics... Doing MCQ questions. And I think I'm just realising how much I DON'T know... As in... some I'm quite sure is correct. But those the teacher didn't quite empathize in class, I'm not too sure about. Hm... =.= Zzz... I'll see how much can I finish my today... Hopefully... At least until 第五章, about 经络. Sigh... Ganbatte~