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I don't believe my ears, but YX... He asked me out... As in... He said he doesn't mind giving "us" a try. OMFG!
(In case you can't tell, I don't deal well with surprises.)
Honestly speaking, I'm not certain of my answer. Yes, I do like him. A hell lot in fact. But... You are divided my dear. Between the other girl and me. You say you are only interested in her, but don't like her per say... But what about me? What do you feel about me? Just last week, you said you don't like me that way. SO WTF?!?!?! Sigh... You are contradicting yourself. Your actions say that you like me. HELL, the way you are concerned for me and the way you frickin' care for me is bloody obvious that you like me. If even I can see that (dumb lil' me), then it's probably the most obvious thing in the world. ZZZ!!! Your mixed signals are getting me confused too. =.=
Next, if in the event you and the other girl actually have time to talk and hang out and stuffs, what happens to me? Are you using me to fill up that gap? Would you break up with me to be with her? I don't know the answers to these questions... And I'm afraid. I AM NOT A TOY TO BE USED. SO MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!
If I do enter a relationship with you... I assure you... I'll let you in... Because I like you that much... And if this whole thing doesn't work out, (which I'm quite sure it won't but that's probably the pessimistic me talking...) I'll be hurt the most... Cause you have no idea how much you mean to me. And if I do let you in... Which is something only my brothers have the privilege of seeing... Then you will be inside my "fortress"... And I'm very afraid... Of letting someone that close to me... Especially if I know I will be hurt in the end...
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Another thing... If I do enter a relationship with you, there are 3 main things I would expect out of a relationship: Acceptance, loyalty and security. If you are uncertain yourself, the security is not there, and I can't say yes... And if there is someone else, then your loyalty to me will also be questionable... If such is the case, I rather we just be friends than be more. No point intertwining our lives if everything is just going to self-destruct before it can stabilise. And if you are not sure yourself, without the security and loyalty, how can I trust you with my heart? There's a reason why I kept it under lock and key. And I ain't giving it outright to you so easily. You may be in my heart, but I'd be DAMN if I give the whole thing to you right now.
Sigh... There's a lot of things to consider before I can even say yes... Zzz... It was easier when I just like you... Then, i don't need to consider such things. Sure, I will emo about it. And whine and complain... But at least, then I can let go if you just said "No." Now... I gave you up after you said no on last Wednesday... SO WHY THE F*** ARE YOU AGREEING NOW?!?!?!
Just when I can give you up... You tell me such things... You are seriously toying with my feelings, aren't you...? No such thing as "it doesn't hurt to try"... Because it will hurt me. Whether you realise it or not, you will hurt me. And I will NOT say "yes" until I know what the hell am I diving into.
Sigh... This... want to try to know you better was an experiment... Since I never really dared to like someone properly... I wondered what it was like to confront my feelings instead of running away. F said proceed with caution... But caution ain't my style, and I threw all caution to the wind. But I already got my answer to my experiment... Now part 2 is initiated... Will I take it? And get hurt again?? Or should I let it go? And possibly hurt him? Cause I know, he has as much doubts and fears as me, if not more... He's lost, yet he's willing to step into the darkness... But I can't. I need to think it through..... Until May... That's my deadline... I pray I will have an answer then.