At the Cross I bow my knee
Where your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What could separate me now
You tore the veil
You made a way
When you said that it is done
You tore the veil
You made a way
When you said that it is done...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today was quite ok I guess... I'm still a little nervous about RTC... Zzz... Sigh... There is so many things on my heart... But so far, I only know 2 sources. One is F. Zzz... At the moment, after Ivan revealed some things... I'm getting especially worried for her... But I don't know how to help her... X( I want to... But I have no idea... And it sucks... To want to help but have no idea how. Sigh...
The second source is obvious and I shall not bother about it. XD
Today at cell... We talked about coming back into God's love... Haha! N said it's like floating in a pool of water, face-up that is. And the water is warm and the world is silent and it's a very comforting feeling. I agree. It's like a very tender hug, so soft and loving and warm... And you just want to stay there forever...
Then we talked about blockages... Like that could block us from receiving this love. Also, we talked about surrender. N said we can choose to lay burdens down at God's feet, but we can also choose to pick it back up again. And we are still burdened because we can't let go... XD I think I've been on some tug-of-war with my burdens and with God... As in, I would lay it down, pick it up, lay it down again, pick it up again, etc. So my troubles goes nowhere... Because I can't surrender it... XD Haha... I guess... To really lay it down... And choose to give it to God, and not pick it back up is really hard for me... After all... I'll fret about it and eventually pick it up again... =.= Oops?
I need to work on letting go...
And I need to work on praying too... X( Unlike most Christians... I gave up on prayers long ago... After all... I never seem to hear any answers anyway... But I think... I need to relearn Prayer 101. XD And this time, to learn it properly. Not just a simple request or a simple passing of words... I mean to really sit down, be still and pray... Sounds easy... But it's hell not. To be in that peaceful state of mind, mentally and emotionally, is a pretty tough challenge to me... Especially now... But now... Even more than ever, I need to know how to pray like that. Zzz. Sigh... Sometimes... I hate the fact that I'm alive.
---------------------------------------------
To desire... eh? I wonder... What it is like... to desire something so much it consumes you... And then... To experience that great joy... That fills up your soul and overflows... When it is satisfied... I don't know... Haha. I'm generally rather apathetic when it comes to such things. Zzz. Contentment is both a blessing and a curse... A blessing cause you learn to take pleasure in the simple things and you don't worry or desire, because you have what you want... Yet, it's a curse... Because you stay stagnant... Never moving forward... And in this rat race of the world... I guess it's more of a curse than blessing... Yet... I don't know...
Sigh... Enough of contemplation for today... Tomorrow's gonna be a long day... Night all!