"We live, we die, and the wheels of the bus goes round and round..." - The Bucket List
Now I have only 4 days to my exam... And yet... Somehow... It feels somewhat surreal.
Everything is going too fast, too soon. And as of the moment, I'm too emotionally exhausted to deal with all of them...
But for now, I would like to remember the death of a very dear family friend, Uncle Francis...
During the past week, he had suffered 2 strokes, and his condition deteriorated really quickly. I guess this is why I wanted to be a doctor of some sort. So that when things take a turn for the worst, I would not feel helpless about it.
Anyway, when my mom announced that his blood pressure had dropped, you had no idea how much I wanted a 生脉散 there and then.
Although, I felt that his case could be handled better... For example, NOT pestering his wife to pull the plug, as if he's just taking up space in the hospital. They could have gotten the MRI scans faster (He only got his scans 11 hours after the first stroke, which is too late) I don't know... All I know is that when such situations arise, there could be so many things that could be handled better, because we wanted to believe he had a chance to survive...
I won't cry now I suppose. He's gone. Nothing I do will ever bring him back.
But I suppose I knew all along... When I stay up at night, crying my eyes out, because somehow I knew he won't make it out alive... Today's news on his death merely confirmed my gut feeling.
I guess I came to terms with his death a few days ago... Not that it made the news easier. It just makes me too drained to cry anymore.
I know Kyoya says that death is inevitable to everyone. But the idealistic side of me would love it if all of us live our lives to the fullest before passing on... Uncle Francis still had so much to live for. He still hasn't watched his grandchildren grow up. He hasn't watch his daughter get married. He still owe my mom a trip to eat durians and curry fish heads...
And I still haven't said goodbye.
But... I suppose the realistic side of me came to terms with it a long time ago... I think, at least. Because as of the moment, I feel like crying but I really lack the tears to cry anymore...
But life goes on... That I know... I don't have the time to grieve properly... Not with my exam so near... But... Even so... Even so...