Sacred Words

2012-01-29T00:20:00.002+08:00

Yay. Feeling all better now that I finally talked to Ochibi.

XD I think I've been absorbing a bit too much from people lately... That needing a hug thing was most likely from Sexy... I think. The moodiness... Is both from Kyoya and myself. And from a whole bunch of things which I really don't want to deal with at the moment.

Anyway, I was so happy I finally managed to meet (sort of) Ochibi online! Whoo!!! Being in different time zones sucks big time! And long story short, I kinda spammed on the Caps while talking to her. =P Oops.

And yes, I was on PMS mode this week. My apologies for those who had to put up with me. Hopefully, I'll be better next week.

Oh well... At least one good thing... Well... Sort of good thing comes out of this... When I'm moody, I rather study than deal with all these emotional shit. So... =/

Sort of good, I guess?

Emo is my new name. Zzz!

2012-01-27T22:24:00.002+08:00

Sigh... I have no idea is Kyoya's mood rubbing off onto me, or it's me that's rubbing off onto Kyoya, or is my moodiness from an entirely different source, and Kyoya's just being Kyoya... All I know is that my state of mind is down in the dumps.

And it's amplified whenever I'm at home, especially when I'm alone. Zzz! In school... Well... I've been doing lots of things to distract myself (and getting a headache from over-stimulation), but the moodiness is always there in the background, I guess... Being around people lessens the effect but still...

ARGH. This is one pain in the head!

Personally, I just want to sleep everything away. But then my STUPID BRAIN reminds me that I have a freaking test coming up and that thought is bugging me to study even nothing is going in. And. ARGH. (I sometimes feel I'm such an eloquent person. =/)

Maybe I'm over-thinking things and am just sleep deprived. Or maybe I'm just missing people too much... (HEAR THAT OCHIBI!!!) Zzz.

Why are all the people in my life currently so emo-ish too though?! Zzz! Kyoya is emo cause... Well... It's Kyoya. And it's CNY. Sexy is emo cause of relationship issues... Namely, playing psychiatrist to those people with said issues. Then there's Cross. Who is emo because Yuki is still busy with CNY.

Normally, I would say it's cute that he misses her so, but as of the moment, it's not helping my current state of mind... And these days I just look at my calendar and sigh... So many things to do, so little time!!! And whenever I look at my patho book, I sigh some more... (Ok... I think I need some 逍遥散 right about now...)

Actually, all I wanna do right now is go to a really REALLY scenic place and emo to myself while enjoying the nature. ... Sounds weird but it's actually a rather good combi.

Zzz. My brain hurts... Either I'm lacking blood, water, sugar or all 3... Zzz...

Sigh... I miss Yuki...

Ecstasy

2012-01-27T00:21:00.002+08:00

Yay. I had my dose of Sexy today! And a free shot of oxytocin. ~_^

Haha! Today was kinda emo-ish. I was a little bi-polar... Well... Sort of, a little... When I was with Kyoya, I was high as a kite. I blame the hormones. Then later, when I met Sexy, I was more emo-ish.

Though I think Sexy was kinda emo-ish too today. Anyway, we simply met for dinner and stayed till late to chat and stuff. Haha! I don't mind talking to him, though it's his presence that I miss the most. Just... being around him.

Like, don't you ever get that feeling that you just want to be around that person. And sometimes, I don't need to talk. But I don't want to be alone either, kind of feeling...

And talking about such feelings, I'm missing Ochibi like crazy... I can still remember me crashing over at her place whenever I get these kind of feelings and just sit or lie in her room and chill while she does her work, write her story or do whatever she's doing...

And we'd be perfectly fine with us not needing to do anything, though Kyoya says it's a typical guy thing to want to do something. XD Apparently, it's a bit hard for a guy to just sit and chill and do nothing in general...

Anyway, I walked him back to his hall, and he walked me to the bus-stop. And since I was in Hall 16, I thought I might as well just drop by Hall 14 to see the cheerleading people. XD It was a bittersweet, nostalgic feeling. I was feeling a whole bunch of mixed feelings which I can't quite decipher, but I more or less knew what I was feeling... (Ok... That doesn't make sense...)

Anyway, today was a rather great day, I suppose. Though I found out that hugs are seriously like ecstasy pills to me... =X And it takes quite a bit to form that emotional wall to prevent myself from over-thinking things. ... Ok. It takes a bit to build the emotional wall but still enjoy the thrill of oxytocin. =/

What? It's a very happy drug! Almost as nice as adrenaline. =P Hahaha! Anyway, Tamaki was asking if Sexy is my boyfriend. XDDD I was really tempted to say yes, just to see his reaction. XD

Though Sexy won't play along. =( His reputation is bad enough as it is already. I suppose it'll be really REALLY bad if it becomes even worse... Zzz.

And... I have a feeling Kyoya is trying to match-make both of us... I... have my doubts that it will work out... And there are too many uncertain factors for me to even consider Sexy now that I think about it...

But... Whatever. I am just seeing how it will play out. I have a feeling Sexy and I will end up rather emotionally attached to each other... But we won't be together... I dunno. I'm as certain of the future as the next person. =X

So I'll just see how for now. XD

2012-01-23T23:27:00.002+08:00

I am suffering from Ochibi Withdrawal Syndrome.

It's kinda sad actually. Like, when I go visiting at my granduncle's house, the place where I usually see Ochibi and her brother during CNY... AND SHE'S NOT THERE!!!

UGHHH...

It just feels different I guess.

Anyway, CNY is as per usual. This year, I see more new-ish faces. No, not more babies were born, but more people are coming back from overseas. Like, apparently, I have this uncle on my grandma's side that appeared after being overseas for 10 years. And he came back with a wife and children.

So yay. More angbaos. =P

I didn't really like the wife though... She gives a very... anti-social, strict kind of vibe. Then again, you have to understand, at these gatherings, everyone is usually loud, insane or both. Especially in my families, on both sides.

Oh and there was this really crazy moment at my grandma's family's place. Cause the night before, I stayed over at my grandma's place and tried to learn how to cook her CNY chicken porridge.

And my grandma was so excited, or so she says, that she forgot how to bao her angbaos, where she kept her angbaos, she even forgot when CNY is... -_-

So yeah, the scene at my grandma's family's place is quite chaotic since my grandma forgot who she gave angbao to and if she left anyone out... So her sister decided to help her out a bit by shouting the name of the recipient of the angbao in my grandma's hands. (she writes down their names to help her keep track.) XD

It felt like some crazy market, with the sister shouting "3rd sister!!! 3rd sister!!! Come get your angbao! 4th sister! Your angbao! etc." And at the end of the whole mess, the sister asked my grandma, "Oi! Where's my angbao!?!?" XDDD Apparently, she was the one my grandma kinda forgot. Hahahaha!!

And I didn't really talk much at my grandpa's family's side. My brothers ate, ate and ate some more... (And they never gain a pound... =P) And I just sat and listen to whatever story is being told at anyone.

Somehow... I dunno... It feels like noise to me after a while... Don't get me wrong. I had lots of fun. (Bathing virtual crocs on iphones and watching real-life dramas in my family and just enjoying the chaos in general.)

But the missing presence of my cousin is somewhat apparent... Doesn't help that I haven't talk to her for a while... The people I miss more are Ochibi and Sexy... Cross talks to me every once in a while, so it helps me bear with Yuki.

And yes, while I do dislike Cross for my own petty reasons, and he is an asshole and a douchebag. But he's also a really nice guy (when he wants to be) and he treats Yuki very well (sort of). So I can't say much... Zzz.

Anyway... Visitations always sap the energy out of me... Too many people in too small places... Zzz. I'm gonna rest...

2012-01-21T23:13:00.002+08:00

Ugh... Why am I always over-estimating things...

I suppose I realise that reading patho is a bit of a headache. A bit, meaning seeing stars.

It's not that much, I feel... It's just that... To make notes and read... Lengthens the entire process... Zzz.

Of course, by the time I realise I should just screw it all and just read the book... It's a little too late...

Ugh. What a way to start my "holiday". Of course, I have a whole list of things to do during these 4 days. Ideally, it's all possible.

Then Murphy's Law kicks in.

And I'd end up doing... nothing much.

Sigh.

Today, my family and Ochibi's family had a family reunion dinner together. It... felt kinda empty, with all my cousins being overseas. Thank God for my Mom, my brothers and my Uncle. XD They were all joking, and talking a whole bunch of crap and basically being merry.

Me? I was trying to seduce my patho textbook. It obviously failed.

Zzz. Damn tempted to skip church tomorrow... It's gonna be packed and crazy and all. Zzz. AND EARLY. ZZZ!

But I can't... Sigh.

And to Kyoya, I hope you're alright. Ah... I'm always here if you need a hug? XD Free oxytocin! Who doesn't want it? Hahaha! ^^

2012-01-18T21:25:00.002+08:00

I swear I suffer from memory loss sometimes... =/

Anyway...

Ah crap... I forgot what else was I gonna write...

Oh yes. I found out a couple of days ago that I'm not the only one who finds A kinda creepy. It's not obvious at first (it is to Cross, but not to me), but the more I get to know him... The more I wish he would stay xxx metres away from me... XD Apparently, I was talking to a couple of girls from church and they also felt the same way about A. (They're the ones I was emo-ing over because I couldn't find any of them on Sunday.)

They are the few people that make church much more bearable for me. But to me, I dunno... My "friendship" with them is kinda bittersweet. As in I'm glad that they are really nice to talk to, and really friendly... But I also kinda know it's one-sided on my part...

After all, I did join the church a little too late. Everyone had everyone else and they all have their little cliques... And I don't fit in. But at least I can tell, these few girls that I talk to don't really judge... Thank God for small blessings.

Anyway, back to A, apparently he's... Very touchy... And very clingy... And it's kinda creepy... ... Kinda being an understatement.

-------------------------------------------------

Anyway, on Sunday, I was thinking back on something the pastor said. He said that when we die, we would be given a new name, a name that reflects what we are meant to be. Ah... He said a lot of things but that's the only thing that stayed in my head... =X

And part of me wonder, if I were to die tomorrow, what name would I be given? =P

FYI, my name means Grace of God, or Blessed One, or around there, depending on where you find your info.

Anyway, I think I'll sleep early today... Zzz. Been damn tired throughout the week...

=/

2012-01-17T20:54:00.002+08:00

First of all, I apologise for my previous post... I was moody... =( Sorry.

Kyoya and Cross both asked if I was PMS-ing. WTH?! Dudes, I don't think I ever had PMS... If I did, I never knew... >.>

Anyway, my current emotions are now more messy than turbulent. Ugh. I feel bi-polar.

As of the moment, whatever I'm feeling is borderline emotionally clingy (ugh...), and I'm trying to ignore the clingy part of it. I'm not really a clingy person... If I become clingy, by the end of the week, I will be the one feeling suffocated... Then I would want to emo to myself AGAIN. UGH. It's an endless cycle! (It's like my dream... Holy crap!)

So yeah... I'm trying to figure out a balance between both sides for now.

And chinese... Oh God. Chinese... O.o! I swear, the teacher is out to liquefy my brain! Zzz! And I can't care what Kyoya says... Even though he hates my studying method, it's really the only way I know to sort of pull up my grades. =( Yes, I know. Shoving babbles of chinese into my head is only a short term measure. And it's really a study-for-exams method. But I am not getting another D, darnit!

I can't afford another D actually...

Besides, with my current grades, I might as well don't graduate... With a GPA of 2+, who on Earth would hire me? =/ People would always say that GPA doesn't matter in the work place, but the first screening of any form of work is always the FREAKING GPA. So yeah... I have to pull up my stupid grades.

Ah... And I need to remind myself not to be too touchy with Kyoya... He gets irritated way too easily nowadays... Sometimes I myself wonder who's the one with mood swings... =P

Sigh... I want Sexy... Us touchy people must band together! Mwhahaha! (I'm losing my mind... I can feel it...)

Sigh... I want someone to hugggg... Yuki! Where is that girl when you need her? Zzz!

Off

2012-01-16T21:11:00.002+08:00

Lately, I've just been playing Christian songs after Christian songs...

For those who don't know, Christian songs are my comfort songs. So yeah... When I'm usually like this when it's near exams.

Zzz... All I can sense of myself is that I'm sort of emotionally turbulent. But I have no idea why. Could be from last year. Could be something else.

I also know I'm sort of shutting it off. But well... It still registers subconsciously. And because it still registers, I have this intense desire to go off somewhere alone and emo to myself. Zzz.

And nowadays, whenever Kyoya talks to me, I get really mixed feelings. Half of me is happy he's there, the other half is like "LEAVE ME ALONE". Zzz. Usually, the happy side wins out. But I dunno how long can it last...

And part of me sort of misses Sexy. But I doubt he can do much to alleviate the moodiness... At least, that's what I think.

ARGH. I'm just freaking emo about GOD-KNOWS-WHAT and I'm trying to get my emotions in order, but it's kinda hard.

Sigh. The frustrating part is, I do not know why I'm feeling like that. So since I can't find the cause, I can't tackle the problem properly. Zzz. All I can tell is that it's getting quite bad...

Ughhh... I dunno! Stupid emotions. I need a break from the world...

Oops

2012-01-14T20:54:00.002+08:00

Haha! I suppose it's supposedly wrong to write this. But it's seriously too hilarious not to write.

Cause I was camping at Kyoya's room in hall while waiting for him to finish bathing so we can go out for dinner. XD I was reading his pathology textbook, which is actually quite interesting.

Anyway, of course, being somewhat of a typical guy, Kyoya comes back topless. XD

And when he was spraying his cologne, he half-turned his back on me, and me, being someone with a back fetish, saw his back and my first thought was "Ooo. I wanna touch!" XDDD

=X I'm sorry Kyoya if I had traumatised you with this. XD

Hahaha! But seriously, he has a really nice back! And his skin is, like, this really nice light gold-ish shade. Haha! For Mr Sexy 1, it was more of "Ooo! Hot!" kind of feel, and I just want to keep looking. XD

But Kyoya gives a different feel... More of a "Must touch!!" kind of feel... =X Oh well... At least now we have a theory on why Tamaki loves to touch Kyoya so much. Hahaha!

Oh. And, sorry Kyoya! For peeking! XD

Haha! I doubt Kyoya noticed my "staring". Ah... I was stare, pause, then proceed to continue reading the textbook. Image photographed mentally. XD

What? I am female! I have hormones too! Sides, for all his insecurities about him not being all that attractive, he's actually not as bad as he thinks he is. Hahaha!

Oh well. Ah... I better leave... My brothers are looking at me with that half-amusing, half-WTF look...

Bloopers

2012-01-13T00:13:00.002+08:00

Just had choir.

Here are some... mangled words that we tend to pronounce wrongly, and some of our choir conductor's comments about them: (Not 100% accurate)

He's ali(v)e [Jesus is not a lie! Please pronounce your 'v's!]

God of ages, bringing g(l)ory here [Gory?!!! Your 'l's! I want to hear them!]

Not(h)ing in this world will do [Guys! It's noTHing, not noTING!!]

And... I can't remember the rest...

Oh! And other really funny things our choir conductor says:

When singing Hillsong songs --> [You are not Singaporeans! You are now white people! Sing like white people! NO singlish!!]

When singing Gospel songs --> [Ok! Change colour! Now you are BLACK people!]

And Teddy's crazy, ridiculous facial expressions to get his points across are some of the highlights of choir training. And the Altos section have really beautiful, talented and interesting ladies. Haha! There's only... about 5 - 7 of them, but personally, I think they're the most amazing section of the entire choir.

Sigh... And now Teddy will be leaving for Perth. Haha! To study Psychology. Haha! I think it's a great thing... But I think the choir will miss him. His voice is really one of the more powerful ones in choir.

Personally, I don't know him well enough to miss him.

But yeah... For the sake of empathy...

...

Who the hell am I kidding. Most likely, no I will not miss him. I probably wouldn't really care. Life goes on. And in the same way I won't miss him, I doubt I'd be that badly missed when I go China too. Family members don't count, of course. Oh. And Sexy and Yuki don't count either.

Who I Am

2012-01-12T00:10:00.002+08:00

When I lose My way,
And I forget my name,
Remind me who I am.
In the mirror all I see,
Is who I don't wanna be,
Remind me who I am.
In the lonliest places,
When I can't remember what grace is.

Tell me once again who I am to you.
Who I am to you.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to you.
That I belong to you.
To you.

When my heart is like a stone,
And I'm running far from home,
Remind me who I am.
When I can't recieve your love,
Afraid I'll never be enough,
Remind me who I am.
If I'm your beloved,
Can you help me believe it.

Tell me once again who I am to you.
Who I am to you, Woh.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to you.
That I belong to you.
To you.

I'm the one you love,
I'm the one you love,
That will be enough,
I'm the one you love.

Tell me once again who I am to you.
Who I am to you.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to you.
That I belong to you, Woh.
To you

------------------------------------------------------

I think this is a really beautiful song... As a Christian, I'd be lying if I stay I'm always walking the path God wants me to. And personally, I think I always take way too many detours and sight-seeing routes. XD

And somehow, to be reminded why you first became a Christian, to be reminded about who you really are and where you really belong, it's a refreshing thing.

Especially sometimes I get side-tracked and lose sight of the things important to me.

And like this other song "Like Falling in Love", being a Christian is really just like a love relationship. First you experience a certain tenderness like nothing else. And there's this warmth that just makes you smile and tears of love and joy just rolls down your cheeks.

And at that moment, you feel like you're in the safest, warmest place on earth and the whole world can just explode around you and you'd die happily. It's that kind of feeling, that kind of love, that I first fell in love with when I became a Christian.

But I'm always curious. I always want to try out things. Especially when I'm told not to, I want to know why. I want to experience why I'm not allowed to do certain things. So yeah... So I tend to veer off path more often than not.

And I can't stand most Christians being so... comfy where they are. It's like, dude! Go out and try something crazy! So what if everyone disapproves! Zzz. Everyone is so happy playing by the rules... Sometimes, I really just don't get it.

I played by the rules before. It was boring and monotonous as heck. Doesn't mean I compromise my own morals. But live a little!

By the way, as of the moment, I'm suffering from Sexy Withdrawal Syndrome. Sigh. Why always like that...

When I connect to someone else, be it Yuki or Kyoya or Sexy, I always miss the connection when they leave. XD

I remember calling Yuki at odd hours during JC because I missed her that much. Kyoya... Hasn't been separated from me for that long yet. I didn't see Yuki for almost 2 years! I went nuts.

And I think I will miss Sexy like crazy too when I go over to China... Oh ya! Remember my worry that 8 months isn't enough time to know a person well? I think I can manage with Sexy. First of all, he ain't that hard to read. =P Secondly, his... Affectionate nature catalyses things actually.

Now to make sure my emotions are not running ahead of me. That... would be disastrous. Where did I put the brakes again?

Courageous

2012-01-09T22:56:00.002+08:00

We were made to be courageous.

This is the theme song of the movie "Courageous". Yes. It's a Christian movie. But it's one heck of an epic movie on fatherhood.

When my Mom bought the soundtrack of the movie, and when I first heard this song, I knew.

Do you know that feeling you get, when you first hear something or saw something, and you instantly know. You just know. It was meant for you.

That's what I felt when I heard this song.

Sigh. I'm meeting Sexy for dinner tomorrow to clear things up. XD And of course, the predicted conversation sounds so much better in my mind. But I doubt it'll really be that way in RL. I mean... I know what to say. But I'm still nervous. XD

OMG. My feelings before I meet certain people are quite interesting. XD Before I meet Yuki, I'd be all smiley and happy.

Before I meet Kyoya, I'd be quite high and playful. XD

Before I meet Sexy, I'd be nervous. Ah... I'm sure it'll stabilise after a while, but for now, I'm nervous/emo/excited. So yeah... =P

BLARGH. I'm digressing.

Anyway. Courageous. Haha! It was what I decided that I'll be at the start of the year. The journey ain't gonna be easy. There's still so many things I want to try, but I'm afraid of. Still... I want to walk on forward. XD

And it's kinda interesting that both Ochibi and I are choosing this year to walk away from ourselves and just go out and do something. Then again, she's still adjusting to London and I'm gonna have to adjust to China.

And OMG. FYP. I hope I can do something I really like. Something I can use to break into the research area in Singapore with my absolutely pathetic grades. XD

And it seems Cross is giving me fashion tips on what I should wear... Apparently, jeans are not one of them. =/ Haha! Oh well. I need to go window shopping with... Either Kyoya or Cross and Yuki one day.

Walking On

2012-01-06T23:56:00.003+08:00

=P It seems I've misinterpreted things again. SIGH.

Ok. Basically, Kyoya went to ask Sexy about me. Ah, apparently, according to Sexy, it was because I complained my hands were cold.

The more or less full story. During one of the exhibitions, I was flaring my hands around quite a bit, and I accidentally hit Sexy. So he grabbed my hand. And I commented that his hands were really warm. And me, being a sucker for heat...

Anyway, that led to him holding my hand most of the way. =P

So I suppose it was misinterpretation on my part? =/ Though Ochibi said I should just slap/punch him when I see him again. XD

Haha! It seems my Mom was right about her hunch. Ah... So I suppose I'll be a little emo-ish for a while. XD But I'll be alright. (God knows, Kyoya has enough of emo-ish people to deal with.) XD

And I suppose I owe everyone an apology for my mistake. =/ (Although Ochibi insist that Sexy should be the one apologising.) Haha!

And Ochibi is flying off tomorrow! O.O! So fast!!! I barely saw enough of her... =(((

Ooo. And I managed to skype Princess yesterday too. XD Blur me forgot to ask for her skype name before she flew off. So I had to ask her over FB. =P Oops.

Haha! Anyway, she's doing really well is Thailand so far. XD And her room/apartment is really cool! Haha! Now I wish I have the time to drop over for a visit.

Oh. And Kyoya and I watched this really hilarious play called iChestnut 15. The spoofs are really quite lame, but they're still really funny! XD I had a great time laughing my guts out with Kyoya! XD

Oh! And I met my Lit teacher (whom I dare not greet... I forgot her name...) And OCHIBI (WHO DIDN'T TELL ME SHE WAS GOING.) and some of my Mom's other friends. Whoo! Talk about really small world! Haha!

Oh. And I think I should make one more new year resolution for myself: Go shopping with Kyoya and learn what styles suit me.

Anyway, for those reading this, don't worry about me. =) I'll bounce back in no time! And I have chinese to torture me... I mean, take my mind off things.

With all that said... KYOYA. ACCEPT ME ON SKYPE!!! And that's all folks!

2012-01-04T01:55:00.002+08:00

"Happy new year baby <3"

I think, of all the new year messages I've read, that one set me into laughter just by thinking about it. XD

By the way, it's not send to me. ~_^

Haha!

Today was a rather thought-provoking day.

First I spent nearly the entire day with Mel, which was a really good thing. It took my mind off stuff when I'd be emo-ing about. Waste of mental energy and time. So yeah. I was really glad we met.

And something that Mel said that struck me as kinda true. She said that we are mirrors of each other. And I quite agree with that. Since the holidays are ending now, and my brain is sort of panicking in its own way...

I remembered thinking and reflecting on how I react with different people. Initially the idea of me being a mirror came to my mind, but I brushed away that thought. Because the idea of a mirror, to me, represents a reflection.

But while people influence me, I definitely don't become like their twin or something. But when Mel mentioned it, my mind instantly flashed back to that moment of when I was thinking of the idea of a mirror.

In the end, I think, a mirror don't quite cut it... I mean, yes, due to certain influences, we reflect certain things, but to say that we are like mirrors is a little too much reflection... In my opinion.

I'd say... Certain traits are reflected, certain traits are complemented. Some people reflect more than complement. Some complement more than reflect. And I think I'm somewhere in the middle. =/

And I also talked to Kyoya about Sexy too. Personally, I have my doubts the relationship will really work out. It's not impossible. But... I dunno... I guess I'm kinda insecure about such things too. And when I can't control the situation well, I tend to think too much. Zzz... Which lead to more insecurities.

On my side, I take a while to form a close, stable bond with a person. It took at least one year to even decide to befriend Kyoya. And it took me another year or so to be this comfortable around him.

But for Sexy, if he asks me out this month, I'd have... 8 months to figure everything out. If he asks me out later, I'd have less time. If he's bidding his time... I'll kill him. -_-

But I guess the main thing I am kinda scared about is, I do not know Sexy as well as I liked to... As in... Certain things about him are obvious enough... But to really know a person is to learn about the not so obvious parts as well, I believe.

Anyway, since I will be going off to China in August, I have no idea how to make it work... And I don't really believe in long distance relationship... Unless the relationship is damn stable. 8 months is barely enough to build a framework.

And then, after I go China, what happens next?

And also, Sexy and I... Are more alike than complements actually. And just like the way Kyoya would ground me emotionally, I am going to have to ground Sexy emotionally too. Since he's way more flighty than me... Which is a bad thing... Zzz.

Although I have a feeling that through Sexy, I will learn a lot more about the traits of myself that I need to know. With Kyoya, I can find out about the parts I want to know. Because he makes things that easy for me. =P But with Sexy... The road's not only gonna be tougher, but an uphill one too.

All I know is, I can't see a relationship with Sexy going anywhere, but I'm willing to try. It's just... Poor Kyoya will get stuck in the middle... Cause I've a feeling when Sexy is troubled, he'll find Kyoya first. =/ Poor guy.

For me, I'll try to resolve things on my own first. If not, I can ask my mom for help... God knows, Kyoya has more than enough burdens to handle already. XD And I'd feel bad about burdening him with my issues.

Sigh. The obstacles I have to face... May God help me.

2012-01-02T21:48:00.002+08:00

Had dinner with my grandma.

I swear, she is the cutest person I know. XD She was telling me all about her courtship days. The reason why she fell in love with my grandpa is because he is so honest and so blur, she thought he was absolutely adorable. Haha!

And my grandma knew what she wanted as a husband. She was telling me that if my grandpa ever had a mistress, she would have left him straight away. XD Ah... Thank God my grandpa is too loyal to even think abut having a mistress.

Haha! And my grandma would stalk my grandpa just to make sure he was telling the truth about no third party!! XD It was so funny! And she told me all about how my dear awkward grandpa would just wander off to find food on his own during lunch hours. And he was so blur, he didn't even know that my grandma was stalking him from behind. Hahaha!

And when she and my grandpa were dating, she would visit his house out of the blue to make sure he wasn't having any... "visitors" over. Haha! The amusing part was that she was so shy when she first visited his house, she dared not talk at all during her first visit. Haha! It didn't help that my great grandma was really fierce.

My grandma told me that my great grandma's word is law. Not one of the 13 over children in the house disobeyed her at all! Wow!

But my great grandma liked my grandma a lot, so she kept inviting my grandma over. And I was telling my grandma, she must be inviting you over because my grandpa would probably be too shy to even ask. XD

And I suppose it is this headstrong character and goal-driven nature of my grandma is what my uncles and my dad inherited.

Haha! I had a great time at my grandparent's place. With my grandma's playful, easily excitable nature and my grandpa's blur-ness, it is always very amusing to talk to them.

Oh! And we had steamboat for dinner, made by my uncle. XD But he bought SOO much food, we couldn't finish everything. So they gave most of the stuff to us. -_-

Trust my grandma to do something like that. SIGH.

2012-01-01T20:48:00.002+08:00

Yay! Happy New Year all!

I spent the welcoming of the new year in a really crazy party. Not quite my taste though... I mean, family is great and all, but I wish I could have celebrated it with my friends. It would have been more fun for me. =P

Still, the people there were nice. We won some huge all-round sound system. XD Actually, we walked out of the restaurant/bar because it was about 1am and we thought we didn't win anything from the lucky draw so we saw no point in staying.

Then as my dad drove us off, my mom's friend called to exclaim that we won second prize and to come and claim our reward. So yeah.

Personally, I do wonder if I'm bothering him. (No brainer to who HIM is.) Kyoya would probably say he won't mind it, but I really hate the feeling of being a bother to someone.

That's why eventually I will stop asking for help from people... Zzz... And even though I say I'll not be paiseh and keep pestering the Kyoya for help for chinese, most likely, by Feb, I'd stop asking... For that exact reason of not wanting to be a bother to people. Zzz...

And... Well... I don't know Sexy that well to be able to decipher his feelings over smses. That's why even though I know he likes me, I am still in the "let's see how it plays out" mode. Haha! I suppose I'm too cautious when it comes to people. =/

For me, in any kind of relationship, friendship or BGR, I need to know the other party. Or else, it'd probably end up like A... The more I know him, the more I want to run in the other direction.

Or like my cell leader. Someone whom I thought knew and understood me. But in reality, they are only words.

So I guess... Even though I know I like him, but... For the life of me, I can't imagine myself with him... Or without him, for that matter. So... yeah... I have a feeling that being with him is a lot like being with Yuki. The kind where you love that person's company, but at times, you can't decide to love them or kill them.

There's a reason why I almost never SMS Yuki. I swear, I'd probably kill her the next time I see her if I do. And Cross wonders why I always talk to her through him... Even though he's a complete asshole, he's still easier to talk to online/via SMS than Yuki.

Oh well... It's the new year. =P There are lots of possibilities for this year. I just hope things turn out well.

Drive

2011-12-30T01:09:00.002+08:00

Wow. A whole year has just past by so quickly that I can't quite believe that a whole year has passed.

To be honest, Year 2 Sem 2 felt like forever ago. And since I entered Uni, my concept of when year starts and ends are kinda screwed up now...

That's why I have a blog! Yay! Please congratulate me later on the sheer genius of yours truly.

Anyway, let's re-cap the whole FREAKING year and see what I've been up to all this while.

First off, New Year Resolutions. ... Well. It's safe to say all my new year resolution plans just went down the drain.

And for my first 2 months, I kinda realised my posts are borderline bitchy. OMG. Kyoya's influencing me! XD

Haha! And it seems this year is a year of "I can't stand Christians!" year... Seriously. Reading back, I have met too many idiots in the church to be comfortable. Either that or I'm now getting to know them better... Zzz.

Ah yes. This is also the year I started dreaming of all my classmates. ^^" I didn't bother keeping track of them. I have no more space in my brain to do that.

This year... Actually, this year has more ups than downs for me. Reading through my posts, I keep smiling to myself. Full of fond memories indeed.

Like when I wore my first dress to school, and everyone's reaction was like "Woah!", and haha! Let's just reiterate the fact that I loved the attention. =^^=

And I've been to so many places in this one year. There's Vietnam, Japan, Hong Kong, Malaysia... In a sense, I suppose this is one of the best years of my life.

My sweet 21st~

FOP PERFORMANCE~~!!!

Watching all sorts of musicals~

Kyoya's DnD Event!! XD Though Kyoya said it was a flop, to me, it is a night I will remember. =^^=

And of course, all my complaining about chinese in general. XD Which will most likely continue next year as well! Haha!

I also did a lot of random memes, now that I'm reading back about it.

And I realise, through my posts, I have been growing quite a bit. I mean, there are still lots of kinks to work out, but I'm glad. I'm improving as a person. Maybe eventually I'll become that person that I'm meant to be. But for now, baby steps. ^_^

Haha!

Anyway, now, as the new year draws near. I shall start making my resolutions early. While I can still remember them.

-------------------------------------------------

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION

1. Courage. To just go out and do things. I don't want to be scared to do things and then regret it. So I pray for courage to just step out and step up.

2. Regarding Sexy, I think I will really just let it play out and see how. This will be my first ever relationship and I really want to see how it turns out. ^^"

By the way, Sexy and I are... Unofficially together. Unofficially, in the sense, he hasn't ask me out yet. But... As Kyoya says, it's only a matter of time. So ya. Yay for me! =^^=

3. MUG ON!!! I really need to hardcore mug for this last sem. I really need to pull up my grades for chinese. Ugh! I tell myself this every year, every time. But I never get there. ARGH.

Anyway, this is my last chance to pull up my freaking grades. Ugh. And I believe it means I'm gonna sacrifice precious time away from Kyoya and Sexy to really just focus on my chinese.

So to Kyoya, when I'm studying at the benches, try not to come over to my table. I would get distracted by your presence and would want to talk. And talking = No work done. =/

So sorry about that. But ya... This time I really need to engrave all those stupid words into my head...

And sorry for pestering you about all the chinese words in advance. I will be bugging you about reading chinese words again.

4. Wisdom. Not just for studies, but for life in general. Like how to handle Sexy eventually, especially when I go to China. And how to juggle Kyoya, Sexy and Studies properly. And to set all my priorities straight. Zzz.

And how to deal with my cell now that the ONLY person making everything in Christianity bearable is leaving for Thailand. On the plus side, I now have her hall. =/

5. And I pray for strength. To get through the year. This year will be a year of transitions and change. And I know I will be experiencing lots of firsts next year.

So I pray for strength to adapt. That I will wait on the Strength of the Lord. Because God knows, I am not strong enough.

-----------------------------------------------

You are the reason I breathe and blink.

I am running for you now in this new world.

This is my love.

Move me to where you are right now.

You come into me and stir my heart.

Bring me a little closer until I can touch you.

~Drive, by DBSK

=DDD

2011-12-28T22:38:00.002+08:00

Yay!

Had a wonderful time with Sexy today. XD That idiot suggested going to Botanical Gardens, until he finally figured out that the sky was practically sobbing its eyes out. (I did warn him about the rain though...)

Anyway, we went to the National Museum instead. And I must say, from the last time I went there (which was quite a long time ago), the place has changed quite a bit. For one, they digitalise a lot of things. And of course, the history of Singapore, or more specifically, all the political uprising and stuff were happily skipped over. PAP won, end of story.

What mattered more to me was what the political situation would be now and in the future. So yeah... The past victories didn't matter that much to me.

Then we went to see the Dreams and Reality exhibition, which was quite interesting. I saw so many paintings, pictures, photographs, etc. until I saw stars. XD

Next we had dinner together before Sexy dropped me off at the bus-stop (I didn't know bus 12 goes there! O.o But it's a damn long ride home.) before heading home himself.

But I suppose Cross was right about one thing. Sexy does panick a lot, internally. He doesn't show it, but... I suppose... It takes one to know one. And I definitely know internal panic. Haha! But I know now that Sexy does like me. Whee!

*ahem*

P.S. If you are looking for details... You're looking at the wrong place. =P I still can't think about him without floating off on Cloud Nine. So, yeah. Not posting any details here. =P

Sigh. I better be floating around while I still can. Tomorrow will be a crash course back into reality. Since my grades are... below satisfactory, my professor will be meeting me tomorrow for some consultation. Ugh...

Personally... I think I did damn well this sem. I had an A. And an A-. I never had any As since year 1!! It's just my damn luck that my As were not in any chinese mods. Zzz. I swear, I believe I'm the only person in NTU who can score 7 AUs worth of As, and my GPA still drops! ARGH!

And since I'm not taking any electives next sem... The only thing that can save my chinese now are Patho and Viro. Yay. I might as well start planning what kind of coffin/urn I would like already.

But for now, my mind is just happily replaying today~ =^^=

Many Things

2011-12-26T02:06:00.002+08:00

Ok. This whole week has been one heck of an eventful week. =^^=

I watched Wicked with Kyoya on Wednesday and Crazy Christmas with both Kyoya and Sexy on Friday! OMG. I swear, I was damn high on thursday night itself.

Wicked was a really awesome show. Elphada is super epic. XD (No prize for guessing who my favourite character is, btw) Haha! And in a lot of sense, Elphada reminded me a lot of Kyoya. Except, well... Less green.

And I loved the song "Defy Gravity". Haha! And while I really disliked Galinda, I have to admit, the energy and life the actress puts into the character is nothing short of amazing. Oh and all the horribly mangled english! XD

I didn't get the jokes on the language itself, though Kyoya was kinda laughing himself silly over it, though. My language is good. But not THAT good.

Anyway, then on Friday, I went shopping with Cross and Yuki. Haha! I had a really great time with Yuki. =^^= And personally, I think I prefer Kyoya's sense of fashion compared to Cross's. =/ In conclusion, never go shopping with Cross. I dunno... It just feels really weird shopping with Cross. The things he think I look good in are... Ugh. I don't really like them.

And he told me to go shopping more often with Yuki, as Yuki also has an eye for such things... But there's one problem with shopping with Yuki... She would ask me to buy anything that catches my eye...

Now that is a VERY bad thing because... The things that catches my eye are usually 80% misses, 20% hits. The 20% hits are really rare though.

So yeah... My problem with shopping. Zzz. Maybe next time, since I need to buy a pair of black heels, I'll probably ask Kyoya to help. I prefer his taste more than Cross's...

But aside from that... Then we had ice-cream. The Tiramitsu was damn nice~~ Haha! At that time, there were no Whiskey Cream. Luckily too. Cross and Yuki were already giving me odd looks at me when I wanted the Tiramitsu... (yes, the Tiramitsu has alcohol in it too.)

Then Sexy came. And Yuki and Cross left. XD Kyoya was EXTREMELY late, so Sexy and I decided to find some food at the Esplanade first, then call Kyoya over.

I believed we wandered around for about an hour plus, before settling down on one restaurant to eat.

And I've more or less came to the conclusion that when I watched Already Famous with Sexy, he considered it a date. Cross sort of confirmed it. And besides, during that one hour with Sexy, the vibe he gave off was more of hanging out than of dating, unlike the last time. So yeah...

I mean, it's probably obvious to some of you people... But I can't see it. And when dealing with people, to me, it's always probabilities and never certainties. So I always keep watching and thinking... (I think too much...)

Anyway, Crazy Christmas was also a blast! XD It's super funny. Kumar kinda made me die of laughter. John Lee's rendition of the Twelve Days of Christmas Mash-Up is amazing. Zack can never forget the "ji ba bun" (one million dollars), and kept singing that ONE phrase... -_-

And Broadway Beng is damn funny too! XD Although some parts I needed Sexy to translate for me (sorry. My Hokkien is epic FAIL.) but overall, I can pretty much understand that he's full of nonsense. XD And I do understand all the more... common vulgarities. XD So it wasn't too bad. Haha!

Oh! And another part I love is the Rabbit scene. XD The Energizer Bunny just went on and on and on and on and on... Haha! XD And the playboy bunny is Whoo! ~_^ Hahaha!

Though this time, the musical is kinda sad in the sense that one of the crew died, and Emma has cancer, hence she couldn't perform. Yet they did liven up the entire atmosphere with lots of joy and laughter. And at the end of the entire performance, it left a bittersweet feel in its wake.

Haha! And by Saturday, I was still quite high from meeting all my favourite people in one day. I spent most of it asleep though. XD I'm still an introvert, through and through.

And today is Christmas itself! And Ochibi came over! Haha! We mainly just crashed onto my bed and took one hell of a long nap. Then we tried to watch LOTR: Two Towers, but her dad came to pick her up before the show was over. =(

But at least I get to see her again. =D Since she'll be flying back to London in a couple of weeks' time...

Haha! Really! Even though many people say that this year, Christmas feels commercialised. Or that this year doesn't have a Christmas-y sort of feel, etc. But to me, this Christmas is probably the best Christmas of my life. =^^=

There is no better way to spend a holiday than with everyone you care about. ^-^

Randomness

2011-12-22T17:23:00.002+08:00

As usual, after a whole exciting day of yesterday with wonderful company, now that I'm back home. Life suddenly seem to be on slow mode.

Sigh. Anyway, (and as usual), taken from Ochibi's blog, something to pass time. Until Friday.

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
Chiisana Hoshi ga Oriru Toki by My Hime
Destiny by Nami Tamaki
Step by KARA
Hinageshi by Ranma 1/2
Hikousen by Groove Adventure Rave
Oh My Friend by Big Bang

It seems... I have lots of japanese songs. XD

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
Johnny Depp! Ah... Chris Hemsworth (Actor of Thor) too, I guess...

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
There are no books near me? On my table are my chinese books (I AM NOT TOUCHING THEM) and my bible... In front of me, are a whole series of books I've never touched...

Ah... This book, "Authentic Beauty" (There is a reason why I don't touch the books in front of me), page 23... Oh yay! No line 17!

4) What do you think about most?

Nothing. Really.

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?

Kyoya: "lol. I'm guessing I don't have to pay then. haha. help me thank her yup. Lol. Getting old and longwinded :)"

Cause Kyoya had a sleepover with my brothers after watching Wicked with me. So, my Mom paid for his drink and breakfast. Watching Wicked will give you a 1-for-1 offer for an alcholic drink so my Mom kinda paid for his drink. And breakfast. Since she was paying for everyone else.

6) Do you sleep with or without on?
... With what? Clothes on, duh. Lights out, DUH.

7) What’s your strangest talent?
I have... none? That I know of, at least.

Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence)
Girls are complicated.
Boys, even more so.

Sorry. Those were the only words that came to mind...

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
Yeah. A poem by an ex-friend of mine. I still keep it though. For memories' sake. Though now, whenever I read it, I wanna slap her... ^^"

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
I don't...?

11) Do you have any strange phobias?
I don't think any of my phobias are strange...

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
No.

13) What’s your religion?
Christianity.

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
GETTING LOST.

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
Behind. For some reason, it feels safer behind the camera than in front of it. I tend to get too self-conscious with that... THING pointed at me.

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
I love Skillet best. Linkin Park second. (... All rock bands. Whoo!) For groups, I love DBSK best!!! =^^=

17) What was the last lie you told?
I don't really lie... If I did, I don't remember it... I don't even remember half the things I say!

18) Do you believe in karma?
In a way. What comes around, goes around.

19) What does your URL mean?
... It doesn't really have much of a meaning actually. I just thought the idea of it sounds really cool. To have wings the shade of midnight blue.

I created this blog when I was still in secondary school, where I live in a world of fantasy. Hence, the name. But now, even though I'm much more realistic, the name still brings back fond memories.

And why midnight blue? Simple. In secondary school, I was head over heels with a character I created. It's like imagining your ideal boyfriend. He's Kai look-alike. (Kai Hiwatari from Beyblade) and my colour for him is midnight blue. Hence, that particular shade.

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
My greatest strength, I suppose, is that I'm really nice. And my greatest weakness is, I'm too nice.

Haha! Shell once commented that all my strengths can be weaknesses and vice versa, depending on the situations I'm in.

21) Who is your celebrity crush?
Johnny Depp... Though I never really had crushes on RL celebrities...

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
No.

23) How do you vent your anger?
When I'm really angry, I kinda get snappy. When I'm in a rage, I burst into tears and go on a murderous hunt. (Whether I find my target before my rage wears off is another matter altogether)

I kid you not.

24) Do you have a collection of anything?
Blank books! XD I still have, like, 13+++ of them untouched in my cupboard. Haha! I also collect sets of colourful pens/pencils/markers/highlighters/gel pens/etc.

I used to collect really random stuff, like bottles of coloured sand, ribbons, bells, stickers, etc, etc. ^^"

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
I prefer talking on the phone. I like to hear the other person's voice. XD

I don't like video chatting. Anything involving videos, cameras, or any recording device that enables me to see myself, I tend to get extremely self-conscious and freak out, internally.

26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?
Yes I am. I still have lots of things about myself I've yet to discover. But from what I was in the past, I'm really happy with myself now.

27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?
I hate the sound of crying babies, and other irritating noises.
I love the sound of silence. XD And the laughter of my friends and family.

28) What’s your biggest “what if”?
What if I became like you?

I adapt to people rather easily. And the people I adapt to, tend to influence me A LOT. So yeah. Sometimes I do wonder... What if I became like you...

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
Ghosts, yes. Shell and Cross can see them. So I guess, they do exist. Aliens... Part of me hopes so. Part of me is skeptical about it.

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
Right arm: My pencil box.
Left arm: A porcelain waffle cup I got as a Christmas present from one of the choir ladies.

31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
The smell of my room,I guess.

32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?
SCHOOL.

33) Choose: East Coast or West Coast?
East.

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
Personality-wise: Max Changmin. Vocals-wise: Junsu and JaeJoong. Stage Presence: Kazuya Kamenashi.

Yeah. They're all attractive to me for various reasons.

35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
To worship God. And to honour and serve him.

That is the whole definition of my life.

36) Define: Art.
Self expression.

37) Do you believe in luck?
A little. ~_^ Life is all about Love and Laughter, with dashes of Luck and Drama. Haha!

38) What’s the weather like right now?
Rainy.

39) What time is it?
Ah... 6.07pm?

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
I drive. And I have never crashed. Though there are... near accidents.

41) What was the last book you read?
The Tender Words of God, by Ann Spanner. It's like a daily devotion book. I'm trying to finish it to move on to other things.

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
At first whiff, yes. After that, no.

43) Do you have any nicknames?
Jess, Hibari (Ochibi), Jie (my brothers call me that), Girl (my parents)

I don't remember any others. The random terms of "endearment" Kyoya calls me don't count.

44) What was the last movie you saw?
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol.

45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?
Broken Toe. OUCH.

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
Yeah! XD The first time I did, all I did was stretch out my hand, and a butterfly handed on it. And refuse to fly off. Do I taste that sweet? =/

47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
Not really. I rarely obsess over stuff...

48) What’s your sexual orientation?
Straight. Usually.

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
... Do you want them in alphabetical order? Or chronological?

50) Do you believe in magic?
XD Not really. More like, illusions.

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
Yes, for quite a while too...

52) What is your astrological sign?
Gemini

53) Do you save money or spend it?
Save!!!

54) What’s the last thing you purchased?
Sushi from Cold Storage.

55) Love or lust?
Both.

56) In a relationship?
All the time. I have a love relationship with God. Friendships with my friends (duh). And kinship with my family.

Hey! They're all relationships! Just different kinds!

57) How many relationships have you had?
XD See above. But if you wanna know BGR, I have none. =P

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
No.

59) Where were you yesterday?
At MBS!!! With Kyoya! *wink*

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
No.

61) Are you wearing socks right now?
Nope.

62) What’s your favorite animal?
As of the moment, cats.

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
... I have a secret weapon? I have no idea why people like me... But when I meet people for the first time, I'm generally friendly.

64) Where is your best friend?
AT WORK. Zzz. But I'll be meeting her on Friday!! WHOO! *throws confetti*

65) Spit or swallow?(;
Which do you prefer? ~_^

66) What is your heritage?
Chinese.

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
Walking around MBS with Kyoya and Sam, I think. After that, Sam went to sleep. So it became just Kyoya and I.

68) What do you think is Satan’s last name?
He has one?

69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?
... If you're asking what I think you're asking... No.

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
Haha! I don't mind. Though not someone exactly like me, per say... Someone... Similar, yet different.

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
Screw work. Doggie! Here I come!

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
a) No I won't tell anyone. No reason to make them sad. That being said, I would wish someone knew about it.
b) I would travel. As much as I could. And for my last week, I'd just meet all those who matter to me, just to see them one last time.
c) I would be... Excited, yet scared. Somewhat sad, too.

73) You can only have one of these things: trust or love.
Love.

74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
Hi Ya Ya by DBSK. It's a damn cute song!

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
3232

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
Understanding, acceptance, give and take.

77) How can I win your heart?
Touch me, baby. ~_^ Hahaha! It's not difficult to win my heart!

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
Yes.

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
I took the path of the Cross. And I've never looked back since.

80) What size shoes do you wear?
6 and a half.

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
Psalms 23, last verse: And I will dwell in the house of the Lord

82) What is your favorite word?
HAHAHA! ^^

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word: heart.
Biological pump! XD OMG. I've been in the science stream for way too long!

84) What is a saying you say a lot?
... I dunno...

85) What’s the last song you listened to?
No Better Than Strangers, by Baby Soul.

86) Basic question: what’s your favorite color/colors?
Black. Silver. Midnight blue. Dark red.

87) What is your current desktop picture?
Corseltel no Ryuujitsushi. XD The dragons are damn cute!

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
... I can only kill one?!

89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?
Anything involving Christianity. My faith is my own. And I never really liked talking about it.

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?
!!! HOLY SHIT!!!

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
Teleportation!!!

92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
That moment, when I was standing at the front of the boat. With the breeze in my hair, the sea beneath me, the mountains beside me, the seagulls above me. And God surrounding me.

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
None. I need them. As much as I hate them, I need them to grow.

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
I DON'T KNOW ANY I LIKE THAT MUCH.

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
Venice.

96) Do you have any relatives in jail?
No.

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?
Yes.

98) Ever been on a plane?
Yes.

99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
... Hi?

100) Give me your top 5 favorite blogs on Tumblr.
I don't have Tumblr.

On the Brink of Chaos

2011-12-19T21:20:00.002+08:00

18/12

First day at camp, and I'm already struggling through it.

When there was an altar call to be baptised by the Spirit (aka speak in tongues), I know I should have gone up. It's like a whisper in my heart, a prompting at the back on my mind. I should be up there. And as the pastor prayed for the people that went up, tears just fell from my eyes.

God called. So why didn't I answer?

My spirit wanted to answer and obey, but my flesh was so scared and so pathetically weak. And tears of frustration, sorrow and anger just fell. Frustration at my own inability to obey (and I call myself a Christian...), sorrow because I actually wanted to obey... But I CAN'T. And anger at myself, at my own weakness.

Mel prayed for me. She and sensed and told me that, yes I do love God, and I was holding his hand (spiritually, of course.) But I can't seem to let go of ... Something. And because I can't let go, I can't give up my control, I cannot follow God. I was going nowhere in this tug-of-war.

But it's really so hard to let go. Even in my life, there are things I know I must let go, but I can't. What more about my spiritual self.

But I somehow just can't let go. The very thought of letting go scared me to tears. I am holding on so tightly, and I can't let go.

I mean, I know what I should do. But, in theory, everything seems so easy...

At least I have one consolation, in this war within myself. I know God will wait until my childish self has matured enough to let go, and let God.

------------------------------------------------

Another matter that struck me in camp. The camp seniors were talking about friendships. And how they grew and learned from all their arguments and fights.

This is what I don't understand. The fights in a friendship... Is something I can't identify with.

First of all, for those friends that matter, I have never fought with them before. (Except with Cross. And that was because he was being stupid, and I chose Yuki over him.)

I suppose it's just me, I guess. Because if I truly value a friend, I would put that person's happiness above my own. I would do my best for them, to understand them. And I would give everything, until I don't know what to give anymore.

So if I ever have an argument... Well... Let's just say, the person would probably no longer be a friend. Trust, once broken, is near impossible to restore for me. And I don't see the point in keeping that friendship anymore.

So... I don't know... Anything about such fights and stuff.

Sigh. I still need to be more mature, to grow more, to be stronger. There is still so much more I need to learn.

------------------------------------------------------------

19/12

Last night, God threw even more curveballs at me. And I guess it made me realise that in my spiritual walk, all I am going is in circles. I know nothing more than what I knew years ago.

And I dunno, It just frustrates me that I'm trying to learn to be more encouraging, to be more comforting, to learn to be a better friend, etc, and in the end, I'm still back in square one. I knew nothing back then. I know nothing now.

Even as the pastor was asking everyone to comfort and encourage anyone, and everyone (obviously) bands with their own cliques and friends, and all I saw, is that I have no place there. Neither me, nor my brothers.

So I left. I left the room. And I really questioned God. What the fuck was I doing there? Why did He want me to come for this camp? I don't understand anymore.

In a spiritual sense, I was lost, I was dry. And I can't be what I want to be. And it just... Upsets me I guess. (And I think I cried more times during camp that I did during the entire year...)

And I guess... It is just really unsettling emotionally. So... I'm basically a mess now.

Maybe in the future, I would say that I know why I was there. That I had to go through what I had to go through. Maybe I would look back and see an important lesson in life.

But for now, I can't do that. For now, I wish I never came.

And today, when we were singing all sorts of Christian songs during service, as per usual, all the words, words like "happy day", "your grace is enough", etc. They were so hard to sing.

Those words, that used to mean so much to me, now just hurts like shit to say them. And I dunno... I was just really sad.

Happy Pills (as was her nickname in camp) was a really good enouragement to me though. And I thank God. Even though she doesn't know me that well, and she has many other friends, she still made time to listen and to talk to me, and to encourage me.

And I suppose, God knows, I probably needed someone who would understand at that moment.

-------------------------------------

And now that camp is over, all there is left are the lingering pain of being left out. Again.

On the bus back, when my group leader was calling out all the different group members and saying words of encouragement and affirmation to them, she forgot me.

And no one reminded her.

And I know I shouldn't be so petty over such small stuff. And that since I only entered the camp half-way through, I didn't spend that much time with the group, etc. But still... There was that lingering pain. Of being left out again.

And I know my brothers were all in similar situations during camp... Sam, same as me, being called but not answering, because he was so afraid. Afraid that no one would be there to support him, when he needed it the most. It happened before, and he couldn't bear the pain of it happening again.

Zack, when he answered the altar call, stood right in the front. And the pastor just past him over. And I guess... The feeling of being left on the sidelines, is never a great feeling. Even when Zack went to comfort others, to reassure others. They were all like "Uh. Yeah. Thanks. You too." And it's so obvious that he was not someone they treasure... And I dunno. I feel for him too I guess.

Sigh. I'm just very emotionally drained for those 2 days. And I really missed Kyoya, Sexy and Yuki when I was there. Even though they aren't Christians, at least... I won't be alone there.

Uncharted Waters

2011-12-15T01:04:00.003+08:00

Ah! Tuesday was a really great day spent with Kyoya! =^^=

And I learnt a few things about Sexy too. =P

It seems Sexy initially thought Kyoya and I were together. So he didn't chase me. Or something like that.

Anyway, I have no idea how long ago was that... Nor do I know whether his feelings have changed, or whether he would "make his move", according to Kyoya, when school starts.

So, I think I'll stick by my original plan. The "Let it play out and see what happens" plan. I know what's going to happen on my side of the story. It's fairly predictable. If you still don't have a clue, let me give you a hint: I tend to fall. Fast.

But for his side... I have no idea... Unlike Kyoya, I seriously suck at guessing people's actions or personalities... And I don't really know Sexy all that well. =/

So for now... I'll just pray. For the courage to fall, cry and get back up again. Haha! Cross was talking to me about it. (or should I say, I was talking to Cross about it.) And of course, Cross was being his usual self (which is an ass), but as much as I don't like him, he has good judgement on people and he has a good heart.

Zzz. But I still don't like him.

Anyway, for Christmas... I HAVE TO SING CHINESE SONGS. HOLY CRAP!!! I'm gonna die memorising the lyrics... Ughhhh...

Why I'm suddenly ranting about chinese? Choir practice is tomorrow. Yay.

Ah heck... I shall not think too much about these things. If he does like me, well... It'll probably be as frightening and as exciting as wandering into uncharted waters. If not, I will still have a friend. And for next year, I shall walk, laugh and cry.

And I will not be afraid. >=)

2011-12-09T01:26:00.004+08:00

Somehow, when I'm reminded of my current (non-existing) walk with God, I have this really sad feeling...

I miss my old church... I mean... I never belonged there... God knows, I tried to belong. But I just can't. But still, it was the place where I found God. It was the place I grew up with all the people there. And I miss it terribly.

I wish I can go back there again... But there is a part of me that's afraid to. After all, I never belonged.

And I just... I dunno feel sorta sad...

It doesn't help that my walk with God is really, really off now. It feels like I've lost communication with a really important friend... So yeah... More sorrow. Yippee.

Sigh... And sometimes, I do wish my closer friends were Christian... Then at least, I have someone I can talk to about such things... For now, there's just me, God (if He's still listening to me) and this blog.

2011-12-08T16:58:00.004+08:00

Oh dear God... I'm BORED outta my mind... Next next week will be hell eventful, but for now... I'm boreddddddd.

Lemme see... Next week there's choir practice. (It's Christmas! You can't expect us to NOT sing, can you?) Then there's a birthday party to attend.

And the next day after the party, at about 6am, I have to leave for Malaysia for camp! XD Thought I couldn't go for the camp, but the committee is willing to let me go for a half-camp instead. Whoo! =^^= Thank you Lord! Though at the moment, I'm sorta having mixed feelings about it. As I usually do for Christian camps...

Then I'm going on a hot date with Kyoya. ~_^ To watch Wicked. And a couple of days after that, I'm watching Crazy Christmas with Kyoya and Sexy!

And somewhere between now and then, I'm going to the birdpark with Yuki, and shopping too. (Amazing! Yuki shops!) XD Apparently Cross was telling me that Yuki is way more "dude" than me. =P Haha!

Maybe for the shopping part, I'll ask Kyoya along too... XD If not I'll be... someone extra there.

Then on New Year's Eve, I'll be going my Mom and her friends for a New Year's Bash. With a live band, a dance floor, and lots of alcohol. Haha!

Ah... I also need to learn how to cook, and find a way to exercise in the midst of everything. Hm... I should start checking out the CC soon...

Flashback

2011-12-07T02:14:00.003+08:00

I've been reading all my past blog posts.

Haha! It's amazing how far I have come since I first started this blog. It started off with an overdose of melodrama. I'm serious. When I read my blog, I was trying not to cringe, yet I understood, more or less, what was going on.

I was definitely a bundle of energy when I was a teenager... And I also realised a lot of really dumb things. Like, a guy confessed to me, AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW. OMG. How dumb/dense was I?! Best part? I even wrote it down... -_- And I still didn't figure it out. Way to go, genius.

I had auditioned for a concert. And from the fact I remember nuts about it, means I probably didn't get in.

And I remembered how fun it was role-playing all my lovely little characters in my head. XD I suppose as I begin to interact more with Kyoya, Sexy and the rest of the class and people in general, eventually, those characters fade away as well...

After all, I did invent them so that I won't ever feel lonely again. Haha! And I probably outgrew them. But I missed them.

And of course, my long posts on YX throughout my year 1 sem 2 period. How could I forget? =/

All my emo/angsty posts. XD Haha! It seems I also complain like hell about chinese. But somehow, no matter what, God always sees me through...

On a side note, I have never considered not going China. Even when I doubt myself, I would see bible verses on my FB page. Words that basically tell me "Do not give up" and that "God will be my guide" keeps popping up. And somehow I am always reminded, God is in control. Even when I don't feel close to Him, even when I am so focused on myself, when I have sort of drifted away...

No matter what, God is in control. And unless He tells me to, I will not quit.

And of course, I read about the progress of Kyoya's friendship with me. XD

And all my silly ramblings on life in general. So many things and memories were recorded here.

Things that have passed, like FOC 2010, RTC, my grandpa's operation, and all sorts of other chaos. Makes me realise that last year was actually a rather intesting year overall... XD

And I watched lots of movies. O.o

Haha! I think something that was more evident in last year's posts, compared to this year, is that last year, I really relied on God a lot more. Reading through my posts reminded me of all the miracles that happened in my life. Things just happen, or things just align themselves, as if I have some epic divine planner up there planning my schedule. (I won't be surprised if God's like that...)

For me, as of the moment, I'm just kinda spiritually numb now. I don't know if I had put my beliefs on hold or what, but... I don't know... God just seems so far away nowadays. Even though I know He's never far, after all it is during those toughest times, when there is only one set of footprints, it is when God is carrying me. (It's from a Christian poem called "Footprints".) I know that in my head, but for now... He just feels damn far. Zzz.

And of course, I can't believe it was just last year that Cross and I fought. In a sense. And it's been only a year since all those crazy events took place.

Haha! And it was kinda fun re-reading my own experiences and other flashbacks. Such as that of choir. =^^=

And of course, once school re-opened, all my blog consists of is more complaints about chinese. XDDD And about my class in general.

And about all the people whom I have eyed, fancied, etc. Haha!

And all the crazy things I did. XD

And now, I'm sort of glad it's all over... (P.S. I only read my past entries until Dec 2010. I shall read my 2011 posts when I'm re-capping the year.)

Although now... Looking back... I realise there are quite a number of people whom I have once called "friends". But now, as I get to know them better, I suppose they no longer are...

And while I'm still too nice for my own good... I'm more guarded now. And also more selective with the people whom I want to interact. I've let some go, and let some in.

And I dunno... From last year to this year... Now even as I read the past entries... I realised that within one year, so many things have changed for me. Emotionally, especially.

I don't really know what's different. All I know is that the me from last year, is quite different form the me of this year... That's what I feel anyway. And I hope that the change is a good one... XD

Tears and Joy

2011-12-06T22:07:00.003+08:00

Dan Dan kokoro hikareteku sono mabushii egao ni
Hatenai yami kara tobidasou, hold my hand!

Watched finish DBGT just last night. It was a really sad feeling... I mean, I first started watching this, like 9 to 10 years ago. XD I would download all the episodes and save them like some treasure. (Although my brother accidentally deleted EVERYTHING.)

And now to watch the very last episode of the entire series... Leaves a sort of heartache... I mean, Goku isn't the kind of character I would like in an anime/manga. But after so long, he grows on you I suppose.

Kimi to deatta toki
Kodomo no koro taisetsu ni omotte ita basho wo omoidashita n' da
Boku to odotte kurenai ka
Hikari to kage no Winding road Ima to demo yatsu ni muchuu na no?
Sukoshi dake furimukitaku naru you na toki mo aru kedo
Ai to yuuki to hokori wo motte Tatakau yo

And the last episode is really sad. The episode summaries just go "Shenlong ask Goku to accompany him", but when you actually watch the series, in the anime, Vegeta realised something. I didn't realise what he realised until I watched Goku saying farewell to literally everyone. Then it hit me hard.

At the last battle, Goku died. Shenlong revived him, but he couldn't let Goku stay. Goku was not going on some epic training with Shenlong. He is not taking some vacation and will be back soon. He is actually gone.

DAN DAN Kokoro hikarete 'ku
Kono hoshi no kibou no kakera
Kitto dare mo ga eien wo te ni iretai
ZEN ZEN Ki ni shinai furi shite mo
Hora Kimi ni koi shite 'ru
Hatenai yami kara tobidasou Hold your hand

I mean, he said he'll be back. But the way he said goodbye, it was not that of someone who is going on a trip. It was the kind of goodbye you'd say to someone you would never see again.

And somehow, the idea that he's really gone for good this time just made me really sad... I think Vegeta realised it, because when Goku entrusted the role of the saviour to Vegeta, he knew. Goku isn't coming back. And when Pan picked up Goku's clothes, she knew too, I guessed.

Okotta kao mo tsukarete 'ru Kimi mo suki da kedo
Anna ni tobashite ikite daijoubu ka na to omou
Boku wa... Nanige nai shigusa ni furimawasarete 'ru Sea Side Blue
Sore demo aitsu ni muchuu na no?
Motto kikitai koto ga atta no ni
Futari no kaiwa ga kuruma no oto ni habamarete toori ni mau yo

So I suppose this is to the imaginary character who unwittingly captured my heart:

After all these years of journeying with you, I was really glad when I met you. After all these years, I suppose I never quite forgot about you. You who is so silly and idiotic, yet so full of kindness and gentleness, I will miss you a lot.

And now, I suppose I doubt I can ever watch the other episodes of you, watching you smile, without feeling this sadness. Because now I know, what will happen to you. But you have always been like that I suppose. Always leaving on a whim. It's just this time, you won't be coming back.

Anyway, I just want to say thank you. For all the adventures. The laughter you bring. And that selflessness and kindness that is so endearing.

Goodbye.

DAN DAN Kokoro hikarete 'ku
Jibun demo fushigi nan' da kedo
Nani ka aru to sugu ni kimi ni denwa shitaku naru
ZEN ZEN ki no nai furi shite mo
Kekkyoku kimi no koto dake mite ita
Umi no kanata e tobidasou yo Hold My Hand

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok. Enough of tears. Onto happy parts.

Today, I had a hot date with Sexy. ~_^ Haha! We watched "Already Famous" together. XD It was really a "feel good" kind of movie. OMG. The romance totally felt pedophilic to me... XD But the movie, although a little unrealistic, was kinda nice. XD

I can't stand the supposed lead guy. Ok, fine. Sexy says he's the kind of guy that most Singaporean girls will like.

I'm sorry. He's the kind of guy I would toss into Bedok Reservoir. I really couldn't stand him.

Anyway, after the movie, we had japanese food for dinner. =^^= And now that I think about it... Sexy paid for everything... Something I'm not particularly used to... Anyway, he said it was his Christmas present to me, so oh well... =/

And he sent me back to Tanah Merah MRT. O.o Something I'm definitely not used to. But I'm not complaining. XD

Hey! Cute guy offering to send me home. WHY NOT? XD It is really nice to talk to him too. We talked about lots of random rubbish. XD And I realised how touchy he is... And that he's also really warm... >///< Ah... I shall not say too much... 'Less I want to sound like some pervert...

AND HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT CAESAR'S GUN GALLERY!!! OMG. It is THE best shop in the whole of Singapore! XD I wanted a membership card from that shop when I was in JC. Haha! But now... I guess I probably won't get it. It's not practical... At most, I'll just buy one or two swords. It's not worth the membership card.

(But all those collectors' items are always so damn nice... I want...) Sigh... Oh well...

Haha! But my "date" with Sexy was really fun. XD I'm glad I got to know him better. Haha! And just at the beginning of the year, I was wondering how on Earth am I going to know him better, with our different schedules and all. Haha! Looks like things will work out after all. ^_^

2011-12-02T20:54:00.003+08:00

Yay! Had a fun day with Shell today. XD

It's been a hell long time since I last saw her. XD She's still the same as always. Haha!

We mainly had lunch and we watched "Puss In Boots".

The movie was kinda cliché. But it was a really nice movie with lots of funny rubbish in between the whole chaos. I am really happy the egg died. I really didn't like him... I guess for me, he embodies the role of a traitor, and that is a role I can never quite forgive. So yeah... I was really happy when he got smashed to bits.

Of course, the cats were adorable beyond words. SO CUTE!!! ♥♥♥ Softpaws is just plain lovable. And her eyes!! They were such a gorgeous shade of blue. XD

Anyway, I'm watching Almost Famous with Sexy on Tues! XDDD And going to Jurong Birdpark with Yuki~♥ And Cross... (Which is Ivan's self-appointed codename) Haha!

As of the moment, I'm more excited about meeting Sexy than Yuki. I mean, here was I wondering how to spend more time with Sexy to get to know him better and befriend him (Sorry. It takes me a while to form friendships.), and he suggested watching "Almost Famous" since his exams is FINALLY over. XDDD So I agreed. Duh. Cute guy asked me to watch a movie. I'd be an idiot to say no. =P

That, and I've never been particularly fond of birds... Unless it's a hawk or a falcon. =/ Though I definitely can't wait to see Yuki again. OMG. It felt like forever since I last saw her! That being said, I can still remember the last time I spent the day with her. XD Things like these, you don't forget so easily. XD

Sigh... And now I have a hall! Yay! Coincidentally, it's the same as Kyoya's... Although my friend warned me the roommate is from ADM, nocturnal and kinda insensitive...

Looks like I need a night-shade of some sorts. And ear plugs, I think. If she's a noisy one, ear plugs. I can wake up on the phone's vibration alone, so it's not too bad. (Don't ask me how. I JUST CAN.) If it's light, then all I need to do is blindfold myself or something.

... Sometimes I wonder at my own adaptability...

And then, through the holidays, one of my cell members is coming over to teach me to cook. Ugh... I hate the kitchen and everything in it... But if i were to survive in China... I don't exactly have a choice, do I? It's either learn to cook, or mooch off people.

I'd rather cook.

2011-11-30T23:14:00.002+08:00

Ugh. YOU IDIOT!!

How on Earth do I tell you to get the hell out of my life, while being nice and all? Grrr...

First, it was much easier to pull the "my schedule is busy with my hell timetable" thing with you... But now that holidays are here.

Now... It's just awkward on my part... Sure, I mean, I don't mind going out with you WHEN THERE IS A GROUP OUTING.

Now, it's just plain annoying. I really just want to tell you to stop bothering me. And no, contrary to your belief, I do not appreciate your company. Sure, maybe I once did. Once upon a time, that is.

After you left, I sealed you out. Don't you dare waltz back in as if you have been in my life all along. Please stay out of my life, which is the place where you belong. Zzz... When I'm bored, and when I want company, I was talking about people whom I call friends, or allies even. Not someone like you. You were someone I knew. And the more I knew, the less I wish to know.

For someone who has been through a lot, I sort of expect a more mature person... Like Kyoya. But now... Ugh. All I get is a strong sense of discomfort and the sentiments along the lines of "Dear God, it's him" whenever I meet you.

Your actions are... disgustingly clingy to me. I mean, in public, when I HAVE to encounter you, especially in church, at least it's easier to block my thoughts and feelings. But when I'm left alone to think, ... Ugh... I dread meeting you, in all honesty.

And I can't talk to you... After all a while, most of your conversations are more or less the same topics... If it's not about family, it's about church. And that's about all we can talk about...

I mean, sure, family is my comfort topic, but there's only so much I can rattle on about them. And by the way, I can't stand your little mask. Always pretending to be so cheerful, is it an un-Christian thing to actually be sad? Why must you put up such a mask? The more I see it, the more I really wish I don't have to see it.

Ugh... I suppose the thing I can't stand the most about you is how much like a kid you are. I mean, sure you love them and all, but I can't stand 23-year-olds acting like a 6-year-old. -_-

For LMS, she's younger than me, so I can still tolerate her, to some extent... But for A... I can't... It's worse than watching my dad... At least when my dad is being childish and all, my mom buffers almost everything away. And my dad is family. He's granted certain exemptions when it comes to things I can't tolerate.

For A... I would actually tell you to GET LOST, if I weren't so nice... So therein lies the problem... How do you NICELY tell someone to "get lost"?

Meme

2011-11-23T22:20:00.002+08:00

Copied this off Ochibi's blog. XD It sounds fun. So I shall try it. Hahaha!

~~~~~~~~~~Situations and crazy things

You’re in a tattoo parlor about to get inked. What are you getting done?

A dragon symbol, something like Mortal Combat kind. But more... fluid-like and less pointy. On my lower back. XD

What’s something you can see yourself going to jail for?

Murder. Haha!

If you could be any character, from any literary work, who would you choose to be?

Ah... If I have to choose someone... Then I would pick Houston Chandler from Twin of Ice. She's one epic woman! XD And I love her husband. ~_^

You’re given $10,000…under one condition: you cannot keep the money for yourself. Who would you give it to?

My brothers. I'd give $5000 to Zack do build up his skills on animation. And I'd give $5000 to Sam for his company to rise up.

If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?

... I have no idea... Probably I'd learn how to play the guitar...

If you were an element on the Periodic Table, which would you be and why?

Caesium. It goes "KABOOM" baby! Whoo! I'd love to go out with a bang like that! (although that means I die... really fast...)

If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

Lower half of J1 and upper half of J2. That was my hell year in my life. But... The things I've learnt in that year... Have to be learnt for me to mature.

You’re an Action Movie Hero. What’s your weapon of choice and the line you scream when defeating your arch enemy?

Twin kodachis.

I don't scream. I would grin like a maniac, but I won't scream.

If you could design an amusement park ride, what would it be like?

Some horror themed ride that's more than what meets the eye... And it would be rather insane too...

What is the first curse word that comes to mind?

SHIT!

What are you supposed to be doing right now?

NOTHING. LALALA~

Currently wanting to see anyone?

Kyoya. Sexy. Yuki. Ochibi.

*************************************************

~~~~~~~~~~Opinions and beliefs

Is the cup half full or half empty for you right now?

Depends on my mood. As of the moment, half full. =DDD

Do you believe in fate/destiny?

Not so much of fate/destiny... But more of... If it's not something I want, if God puts me there, unless He tells me to stop, I will not quit. If I want something badly, even if God tells me to stop, I will not quit...

OMG I sound like my dad!!!

What you wish for on 11:11?

Nothing? It's just a number... I'd probably make a wishful wish on the 12.12. That makes more sense than 11.11...

Do you consider yourself lucky? What’s your good luck charm?

Luck? I believe Lady Luck as an agenda against me actually.

Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets?

Maybe... Hope so. It'd be so cool to meet aliens. And see how they look like. Learn how they live. And all their ways of life. It's like... A whole new world! XD

What is your religion, if any?

Christian. And proud of it.

Would you go against your moral code for money?

No.

What’s more important to you: strength of the body or strength of the mind?

Strength of mind.

How important you think education is?

Important enough.

If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change?

Myself.

Is it the thought that counts? Or is that phrase circumstantial?

Circumstantial.

If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do?

*NEW GOAL* Fly to Venice! EAT TIRAMITSU!!

Which movie character do you most identify with and why?

... Ah... As long as I know the character well enough... I can identify with him/her. It's... a side effect of being a Gemini I suppose. I can literally place myself in anyone's shoes... Except the manipulative kind... I don't want to wear those shoes...

2011-11-20T10:17:00.004+08:00

Hm... Last night, I dreamt of the Lefties this time. For some reason, I kept straying from them. It's like I get distracted and I wander off on my own. ^^"

Initially, the Lefties waited for me. And I was surprised. Didn't expect them to wait after wandering round for so long. But after a while, eventually, the Lefties stop waiting for me too. And I went back home alone.

Then after some scene-switching, I was playing some game with MiR. For some reason too, she was staying in Kembangan... Anyway, both of us were playing and we were running in some alley between her place and mine. (FYI, that alley doesn't exist in RL) and we were dodging... Painted paper plates... Floating paper plates... Yeah... Odd, eh?

Anyway, ah... Some creepy painted plate would shrink me, red plates are attracted to blood and are like vampires, some war-painted plates are protectors, I forgot what the blue plates do...

Anyway, just before I woke up, I nearly bumped into the creepy plate... Didn't know if I touched it or not. Wasn't willing to go back to sleep to find out...

Mental Case

2011-11-19T11:42:00.002+08:00

Ah... These few days I've been having dreams of Kyoya... Though I kinda forgot what they are... All I remember is that he's in them. =/

And no, I do not dream of him as my boyfriend... -_- But more of... things I would do with Zack and Sam. ^^" With less bullying, of course. (God help me the day I think Kyoya as bully-able...) Most of the dreams are mainly about us doing random stuff together... Hence, I don't remember it...

Things I remember in my dreams are like, flying a helicopter and crashing it. Jumping off a cliff, playing sky-rugby with some of my classmates, being stabbed to death by needles (I freaked out at that one), being chased by zombies, being some sort of secret agent (Mwhahahaha!), and stuff like that.

Random stuffs I do not remember. Unless they're really weird. And trust me when I say my dreams tend to have lots of randomness in it.

And for once! I have the longest nicest sleep of my life! XD I fell asleep at about 10pm... ^^" I was literally living on caffeine and sugar yesterday. Chinese. BLEARGH. I think that subject is trying new ways of assassination... And I'm its main target! Zzz.

Haha! And after chinese, well... Let's just say I feel as if my exams are already over! XD Like the feeling you get when you have completed almost all your papers, and the remaining papers are all MCQ papers. That kind of feeling. Hahaha!

Sigh... I don't wanna start studying plant bio... I'm lazzzzyyy...

2011-11-14T01:43:00.002+08:00

OMGGG!! YAMI NO MATSUEI IS RESTARTING!!! WHOO!!!

It is the most epic of all manga that I've read. And in case it's not obvious enough, I AM IN LOVE WITH THE MANGA.

YAY!!!!!!!!

The mangaka went on an 8 year hiatus. And I almost lost hope... But seriously! THEY'RE BACK. And I am gonna marathon the manga again after the exams!

Haha! There are only a few characters in manga that actually influence my life. One is my first anime love, Trunks from DBZ/DBGT. XD It was because of him that I eventually fell in love with anime/manga itself. And my ideal type of boyfriend is also sort of based off his character. ^^"

The second is Kai Hiwatari from Beyblade. He was my longest love. XD I've been nuts about him since secondary school. But alas, the thing about such characters is that you grow up, and they don't. So I have to move on. ;_;

The last character is Muraki Kazutaka from Yami no Matsuei. It is because of him that I actually decided to go down the medical path. As you can guess, in Yami no Matsuei, he's a doctor. Although he's crazy, bloodthirsty, completely psychotic, etc. He's a doctor. And the only one I really admired wholeheartedly.

Don't ask me why. But his story is sort of sad too. He became a doctor, but realised the shortcomings of medicine, and the reality that no matter how good medicine is, one can never escape death. And I suppose it was this realisation that no matter how hard he tries to cure patients, he will eventually lose to death, that made him go... Kinda wacko.

But the scene that will forever touch my heart is seeing Muraki in a cemetary. The cemetary is specially for stillborns, babies that never had a chance in this world. And I dunno... Seeing Muraki there... I was kinda in awe of him. He is someone that I can identify as fully human... And fully demonic...

AS you can probably tell, he's the antagonist in the story. XD And the last book before the author went on hiatus, Muraki was about to make his grand entrance AGAIN. So, as you can tell, I can't wait for the next volume to be released!!

(Part of the thrill is watching him traumatise all the main characters, like Tsuzuki)

Tsuzuki... Is the most powerful Shinigami (yes, the entire story of Yami no Matsuei talks about Gods of Death, life and other such issues) that ever existed. But he was an existence that wasn't entirely human, and he was hated and feared because of it. When he became a Shinigami, he wanted everyone he encounters to be able to meet death without regret. Idealistic, isn't he?

The interesting part is, you can choose to be a Shinigami if there is something in life that you cannot let go of. Every one of the Shinigami in the manga has... unresolved issues, or issues that can never be resolved.

Tsuzuki, in a sense, always hopes for the best scenerio possible. To the point that it's almost painful to watch him.

Hisoka, Tsuzuki's partner, is the same. Hisoka is one of the many victims of Muraki. Ah... One thing about Muraki. His favourite hobby is to psychologically torture people to the point of self-destruction. Hisoka was different. He was tortured to death physically. And raped. And had his memories taken. And tattooed with some curse of Muraki's... >.> So yeah... Hisoka gets a little obssessed with battling Muraki.

Muraki always wins though. Even when he doesn't win, he takes the main characters down with him. HE'S THAT EPIC.

Haha! Muraki is untouchable. And I guess, that's one reason why I am still so drawn towards him.

The thing about Muraki, he draws his victims in psychologically, to the point where they cannot escape him, even in death. In a sense, you can't escape from him. Your life becomes intertwined with his, like a spider's web.

I suppose you could say, I'm a victim too. =^^=

-----------------------------------------------------

Anyway, the ones with the most impact, I suppose are Kai and Muraki. Heck, they are literally the reason why I like the colours dark blue and silver. Red is my colour, btw.

Even now, I am waiting. To the day I can meet Muraki again~

2011-11-09T23:45:00.002+08:00

Ugh.

I believe my late lunch is coming back to haunt me...

My side aches now...

So far, since I discovered that eating stops the pain, I haven't had any... full-blown attacks yet... Though anytime my meals become the slightest bit irregular, the aches comes back.

Aches are the first symptoms, or signs, or whatever you want to call them.

If I don't eat something FAST, the aches will soon turn into a cramp within a couple of hours. And by the time the 3rd or 4th hour arrives, I'd be in too much pain to do anything.

Heck, even painkillers don't work. If I'm lucky, they help knock me out. If not, God bless me.

The pain spreads across from my left lower abdomen, straight to my right. Then it spreads to the entire lower torso. Heck, I remembered doing my best to stop myself from screaming in pain before. Yes, it hurts that much. And no, I can't walk. The best I can do is hobble like some old grandma.

The pain mainly comes in waves. There would be about 10-15 minutes of excruciating pain. Like someone stabbed you with some drillgun and is drilling through your innards. Sharp, crippling pain. Those are the times I would be unable to keep silent about my pain.

After that pain, it ebbs. It never disappears. It just becomes more... tolerable. It becomes less sharp, but more throbbing. By then, as long as that sharp pain is not here, I will sigh with relief.

I have no idea what's the cause though. You could say it's my intestines, since eating helps in pain-relief. But I have never really went of a check-up, so I can't confirm it.

Yay... Had a biscuit. And now the ache is finally fading... It's always very scary to feel that ache in your side. It's like the pain is right behind it, as if it's saying that it's waiting for the moment I falter with my eating, and it would take me to Hell and back.

And now, every slight deviation of my eating pattern makes the ache act up... Like today, I had my usual 3 meals, if you discount my donut in class as my second breakfast. But my lunch was late. Like, 3.30-4pm kind of late. And now, my side acts up. It only acts up at night... But it's bad enough to make you want to panick.

Sigh... At this rate... I'm gonna die in China... Sigh... That pain in my side (literally) has been a "good friend" since secondary school... I doubt it's going to fade away anytime soon...

2011-11-06T13:41:00.002+08:00

I suppose you've made your point. But still...

I know that I tend to be insensitive...

But... In life, there are those who you need to put yourself in their shoes, some whose shoes are more difficult to put yourself into, and some whose shoes you just don't want to try at all.

As of the moment, A falls into the last category.

It's more of... I'm not particularly welcoming towards those that walk out of my life and want to come back in. What's more, the more I know him, the more I wish he would just stay an acquaintance. Although he definitely wants to be more than that with me.

Zzz... But I don't suppose my mom got it. And I didn't quite know how to explain it to her...

Oh yeah. This whole situation started cos A asked me for a hug, and I outright rejected him. And Mom says I was being insensitive, and "can't you tell he needs some form of encouragement right now?", etc.

I'm sorry. Even with friends, there are boundaries. And I've no intention of letting him cross any of them, nor am I going to erase some of those boundaries just because he needs some form of encouragement.

I know I'm insensitive, I'm heartless, I'm too crude, and I'm gonna end up like Dad with no friends by my side if I'm so selective with my friends, etc.

But... I suppose that why she doesn't understand. I'm nice, but not so nice as to allow anyone who walk out of my life to just walk back in again. Sorry. My life isn't some highway or some pit-stop.

A walked out. And unless there is a good reason, like I really really REALLY want his friendship, I won't let him back in. And sorry, but his friendship is not something I want that badly either...

Mom is... Too nice I suppose... I mean... I do my best not to judge people. Really. It's just that... For some people... ARGH.

Besides, as of the moment, I'm still quite anti-Christian. And it doesn't help he's just like those kind of Christians I'm currently not too happy about, and he caught me in a relatively-grumpy mood.

On the other hand, I suppose I could have handled the situation with more sensitivity. I shouldn't be so... blunt with my words. Oh, and I probably should have paid more attention to A since he was sitting beside me, instead of bothering my brother... Scratch that. If I were in the same scenerio, I would have done the exact same thing.

It's like... Putting Kyoya between Tamaki and BMS(E). Who would he prefer to talk to? Of course, it's Tamaki. So yeah... The feeling is something like that...

Sigh... I guess I should apologise to A...

And while I'm at it... I should ask Kyoya how to wear facades... -_- It seems there are many who wants to see me... Not being me.

My Christian cell wants me to be more... Christian-like. My mom wants me to wear an all-accepting, sensitive, kind-hearted, gentle, etc. one, and eventually, when I go out to work, God know what kind of facades people want me to wear... -_-

But I suppose... That's life, isn't it.

Meetings, Feelings and Letting Go

2011-11-02T22:01:00.003+08:00

Yesterday and today were rather eventful, due to certain events. XD

Yesterday, the most eventful incident was just after the photo-taking session with our teacher. Haha! I stripped my hoodie off DECENTLY. But apparently, the way I did it almost gave Tamaki a coronary attack. XD

Haha! For all that talk of his, he's actually a rather shy person. Haha! The perfect kind for me to bully. =P And of course me, being me, offered to help him "strip" his hoodie as well, giving him another panic attack. Haha!

Serious! XD Tamaki is almost just like my brothers. Haha! So fun to tekan! XD

And of course, there's my own internship at the dispensary. As much as I really dislike the mod on 草药, I really enjoyed my time at the dispensary. XD

I am really not cut out for lectures and stuff... Zzz. Can't quite focus properly either. I enjoy all the practical lessons more. And it is really so much more fun to learn about 草药 at the dispensary than in class.

And... It also reminds me that I need to read up on most of the 草药 too... XD I forgot most of them already. ^^"

And today. XD I finally found the chance to see Mr. Sexy 2 again! XD It's been a while since I last saw him. Haha! I had forgotten how comfy he is. =P And I had forgotten how... good-looking he is as well. XD

Well... Mr. Sexy 2 tends to wear his shirts in the exact way I happen to find DAMN HOT on a guy... ^^" So yeah... Must remind myself not to stare everytime I see him dress like that. But hey! Free eye candy! XD

And Mr. Sexy 2... Ah hell, I'm just gonna call him Sexy for the sake of easier typing. Anyway, Sexy is also a very comfy guy. I dunno if it's just me, but to me, he gives off this rather relaxed vibe and it's just really comfy to be around him. XD And he's also comfy to lend on too. =^^= Of course, Kyoya is nice and all, but Kyoya tends to give off this "don't-invade-my-private-space" kind of vibe, while Sexy doesn't seem to mind if I did. (At least, I don't think he mind...)

Then again, Sexy is more of a touchy feely kinda guy. So I suppose it's alright? =/

Anyway, I've noticed (yes, I'm slow) that Kitty no longer hangs out with Sexy. Hm... Am I reading too much into it? Or do they still have... unresolved issues? Hm...

Anyway, thinking of unresolved issues makes me think about Kyoya and about what happens if he were to ever find a girlfriend. It's not really hard to imagine actually. Everytime Kyoya talks about the different girls he likes (eg. Jessica from SNSD, Hyomin from T-ara, etc.), I have to put a lid on my feelings.

For a reason. To me, I have possessive issues. =P So to me, Kyoya will always be mine long before he will be hers. So yeah... And I have issues with letting go too. I would know. It took me over a year for me to let Yuki go to Ivan. And even now, I'm still... Not that fond of Ivan... But I've accepted him cos he does make Yuki happy. For now. I dunno about the future though... Sigh.

If Kyoya were to ever get a girlfriend, I think... I would have a similar response. I won't be able to like her, cos I wouldn't be able to let Kyoya go just yet. Yeah yeah, I know I'm selfish. But... I chose Kyoya as a friend those few years ago. And because I did, I suppose I would always consider him mine... Until the day I have to let him go.

Dreams Again

2011-11-01T23:12:00.002+08:00

ARGH.

I have many odd dreams! I swear! Zzz. And the latest ones are about my class. Again.

Once again, it's in bits and pieces, so I'll just write whatever pieces that I remember.

I remember for some reason, Fluffy and I were going shopping for things we're gonna buy for China... Or was it shopping in China? I can't quite remember. For some reason, I was shopping for plates and utensils... ^^" And I remembered I was talking to Fluffy about something... Rooming arrangements I think... Zzz... I hate my memory sometimes.

Anyway, cut scenes. Then I was at the cold storage area of the supermarket. And this guy came and accuse me of murdering someone. Of course I denied it, and apparently, no one thought I was guilty, because the next thing I knew, I was on a bus going away.

Anyway, the guy that accused me of murder was the actual murderer himself. Apparently, he has a schizophrenic side that is rather bloodthirsty.

I remembered dreaming about the guys too... Can't remember was it Kyoya, Tamaki, or one of the others... Can't remember what I dreamt either... Zzz.

I really should record my dreams down before school starts. I can never quite remember them after all those hours of chinese...

Tiring Week

2011-10-28T21:53:00.003+08:00

Oh wow. This week is hell tiring.

First there's my all wonderful test. I swear, I never slept so little in my life! (Unless it's for camps...) Zzz. Then of course, my... womanly problem have to occur after that. That... thing saps the energy out of me faster than the lack of sleep... Oh, and it kills my appetite too... Thanks to the ache... So if I'm sleepy/grumpy/hungry but not eating... Yeah, you know what's happening.

The chinese test was... manageable, provided you remember everything you've read. Which I did not. And I mixed up several parts of my work. So basically, I'm screwed. I didn't even bother counting marks. I would have too little, so to save me the depression, just ignore whatever blanks you fail to fill in and be glad it's over.

And... I'M WATCHING CRAZY CHRISTMAS!!! With Kyoya and Mr. Sexy 2. ~_^ Whoo! I haven't seen Mr. Sexy 2 for quite a while... Probably this whole week, I've been home->school->home. XD So yeah... I usually only see Mr. Sexy 2 when I stay back in school to study. Or when I'm crashing his dinner date with Kyoya. XD

But overall, this week is... alright I guess... But my stress mode went up to max on Thursday... So my head hasn't quite recover from it yet... @_@ So I suppose I'll be sleeping damn early the next few days. XD

On the Run Again

2011-10-23T22:08:00.004+08:00

Ugh. I have got to write this out before it drives me insane.

I've been having rather odd dreams for the past few days. One of them was about me test-spraying perfume/cologne/God-Knows-What on Kyoya... O.o Yeah... That was the only WTH moment of that dream that I remember.

There's another one about some monster in some pool somewhere and I remember Fluffy and a few more of my classmates were there. And I think we were being hunted. I forgot. And somehow we organised some clean-up crew to eliminate the monster. Except we couldn't quite find it... And I don't remember the rest anymore...

The most vivid one though, was this... Really odd dream. I woke up both mentally and emotionally tired.

I don't know how it started but I remember my dad was saying something damn hurting and I just slapped him. O.O That, was a WTF moment for me. And by reflex, he hit me back. And I dunno... All I know is that I was feeling damn hurt, angry and sad. And I ran. Away.

And I kept running and running. (P.S. Everyone was either in black or white clothes, for some reason) Then someone in white reached out to grab me. Thinking it was my dad, I turned around and punched the person. O.O!!!

Eh... It was actually some guy I recognised from church. The church guys were mostly in white and I think one was in black. Anyway, The one in black reached out to ask me if everything was ok. And I dunno... It was then I broke down into tears, but yet I didn't want anyone to see me cry, so I ran off again.

And I ran from God-knows-what MRT (Doesn't look like it's from Singapore, yet it looks like it's in Singapore...) And I remember someone (one of the church guys?) chasing me. And the more he chased, the more I ran. I believed I ran more in my dreams than I'll ever run in RL. I ran until I got to some park, when... I don't remember what happened anymore... I can't remember if that person caught me or if I escaped.

Sigh. But the slapping and the punching... Totally took me by shock. I am usually very... non-violent in my dreams. I usually run at first sight of danger actually. So yeah... All I know was that latest dream sent me on another emotional rollercoaster. Zzz.

Houses

2011-10-16T22:14:00.002+08:00

If your body is gonna be a house to the Lord of all Creation, what kind of house would you be?

And I know all those lovely idealistic Christians would want to be something like a castle, a mansion, some huge grand building for God.

(And as much as I love my two brothers, somehow I can't help but wonder... Are they too idealistic? Or am I too much of a realist? ... Or I have lousy communcation skills... Zzz.)

Personally... I rather be a little crooked house, with a little crooked road, or so the nursery rhyme goes. It's a lot like me, especially in my Christian walk. A little broken, yet not that broken. A little messy, a little ugly, a little of everything.

It's better for me, I suppose, than pretending to live in some atas area, when you're actually part of the slum.

Not that it's bad and all to want to be grand... But... Somehow, I prefer the honesty in the fact that we're all a little broken on the inside, somewhere. Sure, all of us wonderful Christians are taught that we are saved by the blood of the Lamb, and that we are given His grace, mercy, love, blah blah blah.

That does not erase the wounds in us though and healing takes time. And I personally don't believe in people being emotionally healed so quickly, and everything is all rainbows and unicorns the next day. I actually find it quite fake... If you're sad, cry. If you're angry, scream. Don't just bury everything under some happy facade and pretend everything is going to be alright.

That being said... It's what most Christians do anyway... Zzz. Sometimes, I wonder if being honest to myself and my own feelings is considered a curse.

I can't pretend for nuts. So I cannot be what you want me to be. And it doesn't help my emotional side is also developing faster than I can control it. So gone are those days when I can be impartial and not judge and give relatively unbiased opinions and have amazingly high tolerance for idiots, because my stupid emotions will get involved now.

Part of me miss it, the other part embrace it. At least now, I can differentiate myself from some robot clone. Still... I'm not used to it... To feel frustrated, annoyed and irritated so easily, they're actually quite foreign things to me, at least until my second year in Uni. In Year 1, at least they were mild enough for me to bury them still.

But now... Sigh. I have grown... In so many ways. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing... All I know is that, I can't turn back now. So I just have to keep moving forward. Who knows... I might meet You somewhere along the way too.

Time Travelling

2011-10-11T21:02:00.002+08:00

I was listening to some of my older tracks on my iPad when I suddenly felt this urge to re-listen to one of my all-time favourites, "Open Up Your Mind", the background track of Saiyuki.

Haha! I read somewhere that this song was actually sung by 2 Singaporeans. =D Anyway, that song has always been a favourite of mine. It brings back lots of fond memories, especially from secondary school.

I would remember having sleepovers and karaoke sessions with my friend (now ex-friend). And how both of us would sing this song together. I even remembered both of us taking turns to sing the verses and stuff. XD It is a really nostalgic sort of feeling, considering how close (emotionally attached) I was to that person at that time. There was also a point in time when I considered her closer than Yuki. So yeah...

Now, I doubt I'll ever be friends with her again. We're... just too different I guess. She sought attention. She wanted to be recognised. To be accepted. I could give her the acceptance she was looking for, but not the attention. So eventually, we drifted, or more specifically, I broke off with her.

So yeah... This song became a bittersweet memory for me. More sweet than bitter though. Because even though she's no longer a friend, I would always treasure all those moments I had shared with her.

This song, for some reason, reminds me of blue skies and treetops. The kind of feeling that you get when you're feeling troubled, then you look at the clear blue sky and you have this feeling that everything will be alright.

Also, this song just inspires me. Even the lyrics itself is very encouraging. And I love this song to bits. XD Haha! When I really love something, I would love it for quite a long time. Haha!

The translation of the song:

Even when it seems that nothing can go right
and you want to just give up,
if you close your eyes,
you can see the world from your heart.

In this world when life can be so tough
You must be strong
Just believe in yourself and don't you fear
So open up your mind and close your eyes
Take another look from the other side

Even on a lonely night,
when you wander afraid,
you may be alone now, but
your feet can take you however far you want to go, so

Just hold on tight, because if you close your eyes,
look inside yourself, there's a shining light there.
Yes, I want you to believe in everything.
You can take another look from the other side

Just hold on tight, even if your heart is breaking.
Reach into your soul, even if you can't see tomorrow.
Yes, if you have the strength to live,
You can take another look from the other side,
until you find all that is love

I wish for you to have the strength
to make it through this world,
so open up your mind,
and you'll be able to see

Just remember you are not alone
So don't you fear
Even though you're miles away
I'm by your side
So open up your mind and close your eyes
I'll be there for you no matter where you are

The stars may live for a long time, but that doesn't mean
that the same days will repeat over and over forever.
No one can see into tomorrow

Just hold on tight, because if you close your eyes,
look inside yourself, you'll feel a heartbeat.
Yes, I want you to believe in the future.
You can take another look from the other side

Just hold on tight, even if your heart is breaking.
Reach into your soul, even if you can't see tomorrow.
Yes, there's another world out there.
You can take another look from the other side,
and you'll be able to find all that is love

----------------------------------------------------------

Black and White

2011-10-07T20:49:00.002+08:00

Have I always been wrong? Or are you guys really that... Ugh.

I mean seriously... I really do not understand you... Why are you trying to be what you are not? And it's sooo obviously fake that even I can see it. Because the Bible says you have to be accepting, understanding, loving, etc?

Don't use the Bible as an excuse please.

First of all, you are trying to be accepting. There is a difference between trying and being. And all it ends up is giving people this feeling that is very fake.

Besides, with you inputting all your Christian stuff, what part of you is being accepting? You're just trying to enforce your Christian ideals onto others who do not agree with you.

And being understanding? You can't even understand me, a fellow Christian. What more of understanding other people, other non-Christians? Or is your idea of understanding is to make sure the other party thinks like you for you to understand them?

I know what the Bible says. You don't have to tell them to me. I also know what are the Christian stand are on many issues. So just because I don't agree with them means you have to convince me that my way is wrong and yours is right?

Sorry, but the world isn't so black and white.

Ugh. And then you conclude that you want to be my friend and help me grow in my character. Grow? Or manipulate? You have no idea how close I was to snapping at you. For the love of God, you want to argue your stand, at least make logical arguments.

Yeah... Agreeing that us humans are sexual beings and then saying that we cannot have sexual thoughts make sooo much sense. -_-

Saying you understand... Ha. If you do understand, you would not be saying what you said.

But I'll be nice and give you credit. At least you tried.

Still... Don't expect me to be that nice... You want to be my friend? Personally, (no offence) you're not the kind of person I would want to befriend. You would just drain me. Seriously.

Still, if you want to be insistent, then all you'll be is a friend in name only. Sorry. I pick my friends very carefully.

I cannot stand facades, masks and other fake images. You... are oozing fakeness all over. And I can't stand it. Why? Because you have an image to uphold? If you want to uphold your image so much, take it somewhere else. Or at least improve your faking skills. Yours is so obvious, it makes me cringe.

By the way, it gives me great pleasure to watch you squirm when talking about grey areas on sexuality in Christianity. Sorry. But I am not so thou-art-holy, and honestly, your attempt to be my mentor/leader is... Blargh.

To me, a leader needs strength in character. I know I need to be stronger, and I am not all that strong, but you. I can so easily overwhelm you that it's disgusting.

For God's sake, grow a spine and make your own decisions and judgements instead of just agreeing with everything Christians preach about. I've heard it all, and it just sounds like some broken recorder.

And trying to psycho-analyse me on why I don't trust Christians is a bit retarded. Must I trust all Christians? Just because you are a Christians means I can let my guard down? Sorry. You have to prove yourself trustworthy first.

I am an accepting person. But I don't offer my trust that readily. Doesn't mean that I have some childhood trauma about Christians or that because when I was younger I wasn't accepted by Christians, or I have some resentment towards Christians, etc. I am just not that stupid to trust everyone that calls themselves Christian. After all, you're just as human as I am. Why should I trust you so readily?

Ugh. Sometimes, I really wonder... Am I really completely wrong about Christianity and Christians... Or are you guys really that screwed up? ARGH.

Stories

2011-10-01T23:08:00.002+08:00

I realise something... Many of the stories I used to love reading, I now can't quite stand reading it. I suppose the immaturity of the content could be the issue... The other issue is probably my own maturity growth.

I used to be able to... swing both ways, so to speak. (Dear God, that sounds sooo wrong...) But now, it's on a one-track road to the other end...

Hm... I suppose it's a good thing... In a sense... In another sense, I'd be able to talk to even LESS people compared to before... After all, talking to a bunch of idiots makes you want to snap at them... But you can't.

But yeah... I've had my fanfiction.net account for a longer time compared to my fictionpress account. And let me say, some of the fanfictions I used to read are really... ... Let's just say it makes me go "OMG. I can't believe I used to read this!"

Yeah. Interesting growth tracker, but somehow it works...

My fictionpress account also has some stories that... make me cringe. Of course, there are some silly, senseless romance stories inside, which I do read... When I'm highly stressed. And others... I doubt I'll ever touch them again.

Of course, this also means the ability to empathise with certain characters are also diminishing. I mean... If the character I'm reading is more... panicky and less understanding, I'd have difficulty understanding that character. And of course, when that leads to trouble, I'd go "Serve you right" while the softer side of me goes "Ooo. Ouch." Haha! There was a time when that softer side of me dominated my personality. Meaning regardless of whether you deserve it or not, I'd sympathise with you.

Now... Well... I'd still sympathise... (I'm not that mean...) but the other side will pre-dominate my thoughts.

This also means more parts of my personality is FINALLY stabilising. XD Haha! It's a little hard to define yourself sometimes, especially when you're still discovering parts of you that you never knew you had...

Though I don't think that this year will be the end of it... If any, I think when I go over to China, my personality will go through another Loop-De-Doo. Yay. Different environments switch my defense modes around. Overseas... Does something real odd to my defense mechanisms in a sense that I become really restless. And it shows through my personality too. Like I'd be snappier, and fiercer. And more impulsive... (Dear God, save me)

Or at least, that's what Aus did to me... I don't know if China will do the same... Hong Kong was too short a period of time to find out... Though I could tell I was somewhere there too...

Kyoya is still my comfort zone, though. Haha!

Handwriting

2011-10-01T00:21:00.002+08:00

J uses judgment to make decisions. She is ruled by her head, not her heart. She is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see her as unemotional. She does have emotions but has no need to express them. She is withdrawn into herself and enjoys being alone.

The circumstances when J does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets her mad enough to tell her off, she will not be sorry about it later. She puts a mark in her mind when someone angers her. She keeps track of these marks and when she hits that last mark she will let them know they have gone too far. She is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All her conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. She is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, she has poise.

J will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. She would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, she will show her love by the things she does rather than by the things she says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because she feels her mate should already know. The only exception to this is if she has logically concluded that it is best for her mate to hear her express her love verbally.

J is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to her, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of her sound judgment. She will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. She will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and she will always ask "Is this best for me?"

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, J doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

J will demand respect and will expect others to treat her with honor and dignity. J believes in her ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. She has a lot of pride.

J is not facing something going on in her life today. She is deceiving herself about it. Often, J's opinion of herself is different than those around her. This trait gives J the ability to deny anything that does not agree with her "truth." This trait is not always something negative. It is only a defense mechanism allowing J not to face some reality in her life at this time.

According to the inputted data, J has a stinger shape inside the oval of her a, d, or c. This might be hard to visualize, but if this little hooklike shape is present, then J has an unresolved "issue" with strong members of the opposite gender. An occasional appearance of this stroke could indicate a simple "loves a mental challenge" which can manifest in playful linguistic conversations and being attracted to a lover who isn't always available. However, if the stroke is severe, this means the individual has unresolved anger at the oppostive gender - which usually started with the person's childhood relationship with the opposite gender parent (Mom or Dad). If the writer is a woman she will be attracted to strong challenging men. If the writer is a man, he will find the woman who is "hard to get" the most attractive. In a nutshell, people with stingers in their writing tend to have challenges in their romantic relationships.

For more information about this "stinger" trait, visit this webpage. Remember, it is only negative if the traits occurs often and is quite pronounced. An occasional stinger can be no problem.

In reference to J's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When J slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project.

She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. J can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

J's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told J that she wasn't a great and beautiful person, and she believed them. J also has a fear that she might fail if she takes large risks. Therefore she resists setting her goals too high, risking failure. She doesn't have the internal confidence that frees her to take risks and chance failure. J is capable of accomplishing much more than she is presently achieving. All this relates to her self-esteem. J's self-concept is artificially low. J will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because she is afraid that if she makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for J to plan too far into the future. She kind of takes things on a day to day basis. She may tell you her dreams but she is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud she speaks, look at her actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. J is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.

J has a very unusual lower zone y loop. If the data input is correct, J's y or g is large and has triangle shape to the lower loop. This is not a common trait, but the implications are very interesting. As you begin to study handwriting analysis, you will learn any loop indicates imagination. This lower loop indicates the amount of imagination J has regarding sex and physical things. Her lower zone stroke is large, so her sexual imagination is large and open. Furthermore, because the loop has a triangle shape, this indicates a particular curiosity with certain aspects of sexuality. In a nutshell, J is open to some very new ideas sexually and is willing to try anything once. I'd say J is quite a dynamic and playful lover. Watch out world!

------------------------------------------

This is my handwriting analysis. Hm... Quite interesting, no? XD

I got it from this website: http://www.handwritingwizard.com/

It has some free analysis of your handwriting and stuff. XD Dunno how accurate it is though. XD I know the self-esteem part is not quite true. It probably would be true a couple of years ago, but I don't quite think so anymore... (I hope...)

Haha! And I like my loopy y and g! XDDD Their analysis for that is quite amusing. Hahaha!

Yes, I am dead bored. My brain is suddenly at a loss cos of the suddent lull in things to think about. And I'm not particularly eager to jumpstart studying again...

My... 14 hours of sleep yesterday was THE BEST ever! Haha! First time in a long long while I was asleep more than I was awake.

And I'm going to sleep again! Whoo! The small things we take for granted... Sigh.

Someday

2011-09-24T00:45:00.002+08:00

XD What I find very amusing and coincidental is that Kyoya and I both like a song called "Someday". But they're actually 2 different songs, sung by 2 different people. XD

Kyoya likes this OST by IU (Ugh. I really can't stand her...) called "Someday". For me, I like a song from U-Kiss Neverland album called "Someday".

Talk about coincidence...

But I find the lyrics of the song damn nice. (It helps that I love the way they sang it)

Someday
Sometimes hit, sometimes miss, it’s always like that
Just do it right tomorrow, it’s just a small mistake
Sometimes bottom, sometimes top, sometimes number 1
Getting 1st place, you can only go down
Without it, just live without it
It’s just greed you have before you win it oh
Your suffering now is a sign of your hard work
Everybody knows you tried Everybody knows it’s alright

You get some right, you get some wrong
Although tiring there will be days to smile
When you fall down, when you get up
Although tiring, there will be days to smile, eventually a day to smile will come

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It is definitely an encouraging song during this "just-before-exams" period.

And I probably need it. ^^" These few days, especially when I spent time with Kyoya, I tend to get snappier. ^^" Can't help it. Eventually, there are only a few things you can tolerate so much of before you snap. And trust me, I can tolerate lots. So if that person can make me snap, it's quite a feat... =/

That being said, pressing the right (or wrong) buttons can also bring out that side of me more easily. Ugh. I'm not saying you're a bad person or the like, but... YOU ARE FREAKING 23! (or you would be this year) For the love of all things holy, at least ACT YOUR AGE. Your behaviour reminds me of some secondary school kid. Those kind that comes without a brain too.

Ugh. I probably shouldn't be comparing but... Sheesh. Even my brothers are more mature than you. And they're, like, 4 years younger. -_- Says something about you, doesn't it? Knowing your stuff means more than just reading books and expecting all the knowledge to flow into you. Sorry, but life doesn't work that way.

'Sides, you idiots can't see the effect you're having on others, can you? Do you know that most of the class hates you or can't stand you? And the ones that can stand you do so because they're way way WAY too nice.

I'm nice, but not that nice. I have my limits after all.

I'll Miss You

2011-09-17T00:57:00.002+08:00

I believe I actually only really knew you for 3 years, even though I knew you all my life.

You were my roommate at first, but somehow, we clicked in a way I never quite thought possible and our friendship has progressed till today.

Amazingly, you were the first person I could talk to both online and offline. And I have learned lots about you from your little twits, blog posts and monologues. And I guess, you have been quite an influence on me too. (Kat-Tun and DBSK much?)

You have always been someone I've admired. Sure, you have your weaknesses, but without them, I don't suppose I'd have liked you as much. Haha! In my eyes, you were always an adorable person. (And I guess I had much fun bothering you to exasperation)

And now, I guess it's time for you to leave... To discover parts of yourself that you never knew you had, just like I did. And I pray that you will be safe. And you will learn to be wiser, stronger and more confident over there.

But... I suppose... I am not good at making friends. And there are very few I would call friends, in fact.

You are one of them.

You are the one person I didn't want to say goodbye to. But I know I must.

And I will miss you dearly. I will miss crashing over at your place. I will miss hugging you. (and poking you) I will miss your silly fangirl sessions. I will miss listening to you gripe and bitch about things in general. I will miss how odd you are. (Or as odd as you are to me as I am to you)

I will miss you.

So for now, I won't say goodbye. More of, I'll see you later... We will meet again.

Random Rubbish

2011-09-09T23:21:00.002+08:00

Harry Potter ask box list.

Harry Potter- Tell about a scar on your body.

It's not very obvious unless you look closely. I have a slice straight down my right calf. It's a really old wound. From primary school. I was carrying Tabby's dog cage to the kitchen when it fell and sliced my calf. (*ouch*) The scar's still there, but not obviously so. It's been years after all.

Ron Weasley- Something you’re afraid of.

PEOPLE.

Some of my biggest social fears include talking to strangers over the phone. Eg. You need to call some bus service provider for transport of a large group (say, 30 people). I would spend at least 1 week panicking over it before doing it. Then I'll panick after calling too. Yeah... I suck at social settings too...

Hermione Granger- A subject you know a lot about.

Eh... I know a lot of random things that I shouldn't know about... My favourite topics are mainly animals and my brothers. =^^= Yeah, I have a brother complex. =/ Deal with it. Anyway, I do know random titbits on most stuff... Though I'm not as pro as Yuki or Kyoya. XD I... am a rather passive learner. Unless I have to learn it, I just take things as they come.

Draco Malfoy- Closest green item to you.

My... highlighter?

Severus Snape- Your favourite alcoholic beverage.

Ooo. I found out from my mom that the red wine I like a lot is called Chianti, from Italy. XD My favourite white/dessert/ice wine is Moscato. For hard liquor, I have to say, I'm quite fond of Japanese XO... ^^" Beer... I'm not too bothered with whatever beer I drink. I want to try more cocktails. ^^

And on hindsight, I think I drink too much... But oh well... =/

Rubeus Hagrid- Your favourite animal.

Wolves. Leopards. Tigers. Hawks. Falcons. ... Erm... I think you get the idea...

Luna Lovegood- Something about you other people find weird.

... Would you like the list chronologically or alphabetically? Personally, I think I'm perfectly normal. It's everyone else that's weird.. =P

Neville Longbottom- Your favourite flower.

Typical traditional red roses. =P I'm a hopeless romantic at heart.

Nymphodora Tonks- Something you would change about your appearance.

My looks I suppose... I often wish I have Yuki's body. XD Curvaceous and all. Although, personally, I don't think I'm that bad. XD I also wish my skin isn't so oily, and my palms aren't so sweaty (though they're much better now). And my chest were larger. Typical female woes. Etc.

Fred and George Weasley- The last prank you pulled on someone, or someone pulled on you.

A certain IDIOT hid my iPad cos I accidentally left it in class. Kyoya told me who took it though. Thank God for people like him.

As for pranks I've pulled... That'll be a secret.

Voldemort- If you were to make a Horcrux, it would be…

My locket. A couple of my more sentimental books. My FOP nametag. My beyblade rings. XD

Moaning Myrtle- The last thing to make you cry.

Reading Kyoya's blog... >.>

Sirius Black- Have you ever taken the blame for something you didn’t do?

I highly doubt so. I’m not so nice.

Dobby- What is your most loved article of clothing?

... My hoodie?

Peeves the Poltergeist- What is the best/funniest insult you’ve used/heard?

I dunno. I forgot... Most of them are by Kyoya though.

Sybill Trelawney- When was the last time you experienced Deja Vu?

It was in a dream... I dreamt I woke up and got ready for school... Then the alarm rang and I woke up and...

Filius Flitwick- What is your favorite spell from the Harry Potter series?

Crucio. I'm sadistic I know.

Lily Potter- Is there anyone you love so much you would die for?

My family. Yuki. Kyoya.

No one else made the list.

Arthur Weasley- What piece of “Muggle” technology fascinates you most?

Holograms. Touchscreens. (How amazing. I know.) And all those latest technology stuff.

Mundungus Fletcher- Have you ever stolen anything?

No. I'm too nice. =P

Viktor Krum- If you were a Quidditch player, what position would you play?

Chaser or seeker. I'm not the defending kind... Sadly.

Fleur Delacour- What physical attribute do you like most about yourself?

My hair? XD Everyone seems to love it and well... It has always been very tamed to me, so I never had problems with it.

Hedwig- What was your all-time favorite pet, or, if you’ve never had one, your all-time favorite birthday gift.

Tabby. She's still my bias when it comes to pets. For those who dunno, she's my beloved Cocker Spaniel.

Albus Dumbledore- What is your proudest accomplishment?

Self-discovery. XDDD Yeah, I dunno myself. Sad, huh? =X

Little Black Book

2011-09-05T21:00:00.002+08:00

I had lots of free time during internship today, and I was flipping through my book of notes. (The book was already half-used during Y1/Y2, before I used it again for internship this sem.)

And it was embarrassing, nostalgic and bittersweet to look through what I did through the years... Inside were all my notes for DnD, for Elevate Camp (church camp), and all my enthusiastic cell attendances. XD And all my rantings about YX, especially.

The last part was most embarrassing. The feelings range from "I can't believe I felt like that" to "I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY WROTE THAT DOWN" to "Now that I think back, I'm glad it's over".

Haha! My own rants are usually very amusing to read, to me. After all, they're a little dramatic and overly mushy, but completely honest. (I don't usually plan on letting anyone read them after all...)

And now that all that drama is over, I am really wishing I finish up that book fast. So I can throw it away. After all, there are some phases in life you really don't wish to remember (though I have never forgot any of the guys that I once had a crush on...) and some that you don't ever want to forget.

I still have this little red book and a yellow book with all my doodles from sec sch to JC. Of course, some also have doodles from Yuki, which I usually do my best to keep them for as long as possible. Of course, Kyoya would give me that look and tsk at me if I show him those books. XD They're from my sec sch, so they are really full of really childish things. XD

And of course, when I have my childish moments during JC, those books are my outlet too. ^^"

And now as I look back, I realised I have matured a lot since I stepped into Uni. (And I grudgingly admit Ivan also played a part in my growth...) Heck, even my mindset is grown. (Trust me, it was stagnant since sec sch...)

I've become more confident, discovered my empathic side, my emotional side, my feminine side (be amazed. I never knew I can be anything feminine.), etc. Kyoya is also bringing out my snappier side. (Though I still tend to be way too nice for my own good.)

Although my studies were compromised, (heck, no one in JC would believe me if I told them my GPA is below 3.0), but the exchange was definitely worth it.

As for getting what I want... If my grades can't bring me there, I'll use my abilities. There's always more than one way to get what I want. If the front door's locked, I'll use the back door. If all else fails, I'll break a window or something... XD

Interesting Day

2011-08-18T22:22:00.002+08:00

Today, after school, I followed Cheers to see the WSC welcome session. And over there, I met Mr. Quirky. XD

I haven't seen him since... Secondary school actually. XD And he is often bullied by everyone else. The most annoying thing about the way people treat him is that, just because they saw one side of him, a rather volatile side, they decided that he is some sort of monster or out-of-control wacko and ostracize him.

But, I dunno, I always had this feeling that he's actually a really nice guy. And he is the one person I have always wanted to befriend, but was too afraid to do so. Haha! Yuki hates him though. But I can totally see why. Like poles definitely don't quite attract after all.

Anyway, I met him outside LT1 and talked to him. XD Haha! I suppose, after all these years, I still have a soft spot for him. No, I do not like him that way, but more of, sympathy I suppose. I have always known what it felt to be on the outside looking in. And I guess there is no one that feels that as acutely as him.

So we just chatted and exchange numbers (or more like, I gave him mine.) And dear boy, how can I call you when I DON'T HAVE YOURS. HAHAHAHAHA!

Anyway, he seems to have toned down, in terms of temper, though towards me, he has never been anything but civilised. XD Though I'm glad to see him talk to his classmates and stuff. ^-^ I'm also kinda curious as to how much he has progressed socially. XD

I mean, ever since I knew him, I have also known that people avoid him like a plague. So yeah. ^^"

And considering how long I've known him, it's almost like watching my own brother grow up and mature. XD

Anyway, he's probably the only person I'm glad to see in NTU from all the guys I've met from my batch. Haha!

Hope to see you someday soon, Mr. Quirky. XD

HK Trip

2011-08-15T21:42:00.003+08:00

9/8
Today was a Fairytale

I'm in HK! And I went out with Kyoya and some of my other classmates. But... I'm not as close to the other classmates as Kyoya. So... I dunno... Unlike Aus, I felt really alone when I was out with them... It's just me I guess... I just really felt as if I didn't belong.

Like I could go off on my own and it probably would have made no difference. It's like being back in primary school days. Really.

But I didn't want to suggest leaving. After all, Kyoya was having lots of fun with them, and their itinerary is really fun, and it would be too dangerous for me to go off on my own.

Sigh. I really have no idea how to talk to them! I mean... They're nice and all, but it just felt weird being with them... So yeah... I felt really out of place there.

Heck, even if Ivan were there, it would have been better than just them... X(

Ah hell... I'm just being a burden, as usual. I'll just deal with it, just like I always do.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Rest of the trip (because I was too tired to record down everyday)

In the end, I travelled most of HK with Fluffy, Sweetie, Cheers and Little Miss Silly. (The nicknames sound funny, but somehow it suits them all. XD)

Although I much prefer Kyoya's group's itinerary, but Fluffy, Sweetie and Cheers' company made up for it. LMS is more for comic relief. XD Though it's sort of obvious that the group thinks of her as a 5-year-old instead of her actual age.

Btw, Cheers' nickname came about thanks to her fortune in her fortune cookie. XD

Anyway, the group is was in did mostly shopping, which is pointless to me. After all, I have everything I need. Why should I want more? Anyway, I mostly bought food back home for my family. Though I didn't buy much, cause my family don't really like snacks.

We did mostly silly things too, like singing National Day songs in the middle of the ferry terminal from Macau to HK... XD I laughed like crazy when I'm with them. And Fluffy is really easy to talk to, and her comments are also very interesting and funny. In a sense, she makes as interesting a companion as Kyoya. Haha!

The only puzzling part of the whole trip was my thoughts for A. Yes, apparently he's back in my life, and I have no idea what his agenda is... Sigh... Doesn't help that he's now available and MY STUPID BRAIN WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT HIM.

Zzz. I have decided to place him in the "Pending" category, so SHUT UP ALREADY.

And to you, A, I have no idea what are you doing back in my life. Whether you want to be just friends, or something more, or whatever, state your intentions clear. Cause I hate games. And I'm tired of trying to second-guess what you are trying to do.

You disappeared for over a semester. Then you decide to reappear again. Zzz. Make up your mind. Do you want to stay in my life or get out? Sigh.

Promise Kept

2011-08-03T00:04:00.002+08:00

Last rehearsal for FOP, and I'm all hyped up for the event. XD

Part of me really wish Friday comes sooner, and Saturday never ends.

You know, when I first started the rehearsal, I was constantly reminded of a song I sang in primary 2:

Lord, I stand in the midst of the multitude
Of those from every tribe and tongue
...

-From Hallelujah to the Lamb

I first sang this in primary 2, and it was the first time I felt God speak to me. It felt as if He was telling me this, instead of it being just a song. Like He was promising that one day I'll stand in front of a multitude and sing for Him.

And, young and naive as I was back then, I held onto this promise.

And now, He's like telling me, this is it.

And I have to say, I'm very excited for it. It's like, I waited my whole life for this.

This will be the moment that defines my life. Up there on stage, dancing and singing my heart out for God.

Andrew Yeo, you waited 17 years to lead this event. I waited 13 years to sing up there.

XD It'll also be the first time I'll be attending FOP. But this year will be a blast! It'll be a time of lots of firsts.

First time worship is led by a Singaporean, first time there's a choir in FOP, first time Andrew Yeo is leading FOP, first time I'm singing to thousands, first time we're singing CHINESE (OMG.), first time over 40 churches are participating, first time the chinese churches are involved, etc.

The first time, I experience joy like this.

This, is like a dream come true for me. I didn't even know I was waiting for it, until it came.

The trumpets will be blown
Dancers dancing, drummers playing
Banners flying high
The triumph of the Lord is here

L'autre Reve

2011-07-27T17:10:00.004+08:00

Kyoya's event! Whoo!

First of all, I must say, I am damn proud of myself. I wore the SHORTEST dress I have ever wore in my WHOLE LIFE.

WITH MAKE-UP.

And including all my quirky accessories, I must say I look nice. =D

OMG. I FEEL SO ACCOMPLISHED.

Anyway, the event was awesome! XD The food was really nice (SQ was so cute being grumpy from the food being late and stuff. =^^=)

Haha! I won't go into the events though. 'Sides, I was thoroughly enjoying myself eyeballing guys. It's really rare for me to like seeing a guy in a suit. I've always preferred the sexy, casual types. XD

But this year, the DnD Comm definitely had a few people that I would gladly glue my eyes to them.

TOP OF THE CHARTS:

Mr. Sexy 1: Kyoya said if he were Count Dracula, Mr. Sexy 1 would be King of Vampires. And I have to say, DAMN. He looks HOT. I seriously couldn't take my eyes off him. =^^= Doesn't help that he's the kind of guy I would crush on...

And after the event, I crashed the DnD room for a sleepover. And he took a bath and changed. And walked out of the toilet topless. Times like this, I am really glad I have the dignity not to drool.

P.S. If any of you know who any of the Mr. Sexys are, DO NOT EVER TELL THEM ANYTHING I SAID HERE.

Mr. Sexy 2: He's FREAKING CUTE. XD Doesn't help he dressed in the exact thing I would die to see on a guy. And I have to say, he definitely got the build and the looks to make it look casual, cute and sexy at the same time. *mentally squealing* (As of the moment, I am happily recalling all my memories of him last night and grinning to myself like an idiot.)

Why he's Mr. Sexy 2 is pretty much self-explanatory.

-----------------------------------------------------------

As for Kyoya, HAHA! HE LOOKS SOOOOO CUTE IN A RED BOWTIE!!! (Pardon me while I laugh my head off.) And the MC kept sabo-ing him. XD

Haha! As I guessed, he looks really nice in formal too! (Too bad he got outshone by the 2 Sexys. XD) And somehow, the whole cape-billowing-from-behind thing works best for him. He definitely got the dramatic aura for it too. Hahaha!

----------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, ONTO THE AFTER-PARTY OF DND.

OMG. We all went high after the party. Hahaha! We were playing all sorts of drinking games. Cause we got a few bottles of wine left.

Haha! It's an amazement no one really got drunk that night. Haha!

And PF and all her little "jokes". It's so chaotic and yet so funny. XD

I'm still in my high mode since yesterday. XD So pardon all the laughter.

Anyway, even though I won't consider myself close to the DnD Comm, but as of the moment, I'm sort of missing all the laughter already. With J and PF's odd alarms, and all the SNORING, and blanket wars, innuendos, etc.

I miss the blanket wars the most. XD It was really funny to watch.

And by the time we managed to settle down to sleep, it was about 4am. Hahahaha! Of course, me, being the lightest sleeper there, only slept for a few hours only. x_X

------------------------------------------------------------------

And I have school tmr. Yay.

I.D.S.

2011-07-25T23:10:00.002+08:00

There's so many things I want to say. My japan trip, my first FOP choir practice, mainly. But I don't quite know the words...

The Japan trip... I need the pictures first... Then I'll talk about it.

Choir... You have to be there to understand. It's like having a glimpse of heaven... And I have no idea how to describe what I felt.

But, I can advertise for it. XD

FOP: FESTIVAL OF PRAISE
SINGAPORE INDOOR STADIUM
7.15PM

=^^=

Part of me can't wait to go.

2011-07-15T14:09:00.002+08:00

Zzz. I was having a really nice dream WHEN MY DAD WOKE ME UP. Grrr....

I need to start using the lock on my door. Seriously. And he screams at me when I enter his room unannounced. -_-

As for my dream... Considering I was woken up at 9 and now is... Hahaha. Yeah, can't quite remember most of it already.

I remembered I was searching for something. And I had to sneak into some hideout to find it. But the thing that I was searching for was hidden by someone else.

It's kinda complicated... Cause we are supposed to be the bad guys to the other side, and to us, the other side are the bad guys... I dunno...

I remembered jumping off some building... or was it a cliff or a tree? I can't remember. But I definitely remember flying. XD The feeling was epic. Hahaha!

Ooo! AND I REMEMBERED KAI!!! Hahaha! I also remember we held some assassin hostage, only to realise the assassin was considered worthless to the other side. And she got so pissed off, she joined our side. XD

I also remembered passing BMS(D) and some of my other BMS classmates. They had their backs towards me and they didn't see me or recognise me. For some reason, my grandparents were there too. And no. They didn't recognise me either. Hm...

Anyway, the last I remembered of my dream is that somehow we managed to infiltrate the enemy's hideout. And found out he was using some machine (mechanical mice) to dig some sort of tunnel. I think it was an escape tunnel of some sorts...

Anyway, we... sort of hijacked the machine when he was gone (hijacked or hacked... ^^") and started digging a hidden tunnel for ourselves. XD There were lots of wooden boards so we used those to hide our tracks.

AND I WOKE UP. THANKS DAD.

Haha! But of all my team mates in my dream, I only remembered Kai. (No duh.) Haha! And he's exactly like I envisioned him. (Well... It is a dream...) Hehe! =^^= And he's also captain of my team. ^-^

And well... For those who know Kai, it's probably because of how much I used to talk about him, and you would understand why I was quite upset at my dad waking me up.

It's rare I get dreams about Kai anyway. ^-^ And any dreams about him is more than welcomed. Haha!

-------------------------------------------------------

Lion King the musical is amazing! =^^= It's so nostalgic. It was performed by the African crew, and I have to say they got all the African songs down to a T. OMG. And Rafiki, the mandrill, is super funny! XD Everytime she (the person acting is female) makes an entrance, she is sooo funny and adorably cute and I can't help but gush over her. =^^= Zuzu's actor is also really good. My favourite line of his: "Sire, your sense of humour never ease to abuse me."

Oh and the props were the best! All the animals' movements were so life-like. My favourite is the cheetah. Even the turn of the head when a cat cleans itself is mimicked to near perfection.

And when there was the stampede of the wildebeests, the mechanism for the stampede totally blows your mind. All the props are ingenious and just wow. XD And all the actors sound very much like those in the cartoon. And they added simple chinese phrases here and there and even some singlish along the way. XD

The whole musical is just... just. Ah. Just go watch it. And you'll understand what I mean. Haha! My mom watched it twice already and she still love it. XD

Pierrot

2011-07-14T15:44:00.002+08:00

no just do not touch me
i'm not a pierrot
deo neobeun haneureul deungjigo salgo shipeo
jaryureyl algo shipeo
deo nopi fly fly

namanui saegagi isseo
namanui insaengi isseo
gamok gateun geu ddae chueokhagi shireo
yeongweonhi bye bye bye

no future no freedom
just like a chase for us
but it don't matter now
we're just gonna walk our way
for the rest of my life

----------------------------------------------------

I'm falling in love with this song. Cause it holds so much meaning. I mean, not to say who's at fault, but those 3 guys definitely felt betrayed by SME, just as SME felt betrayed by their departure.

And this song, somehow conveys all their emotions so well. And they sang it so sadly but so resolutely. Another song that touched me is Yoochun's untitled rap song.

Actually, that one is more like a letter than a song, but it gave me an insight as to why they left. Haha! But even though JYJ is unofficially banned from all those popular Korean music shows, they are doing really well on their own now.

Although after listening to DBSK and now JYJ, I realise the person I miss the most is Changmin. His voice, other than Junsu's, was really lovely to hear. You could literally hear the power in his voice above the harmonisation. But, Changmin is best heard live, than on record. Haha!

For me, Changmin is the type to grow on me. So I suppose I liked him least initially, though now, I suppose you could say he's on par with Yoochun. XD

I think as a performer, Junsu's best, but the more I watch them, the more I'm drawn to Yoochun and Changmin. Junsu's... Just cute I suppose. =^^= Adorably so. But those silently strong types are always the ones that eventually catch my eye. ^^"

Yoochun has this cute, boyish charm around him. But when he sings, you can tell he's always the one silently backing up his fellow singers. Even his actions. ^^" I dunno. I just get that vibe from him. That he's no pushover despite his gentle demeanor.

Changmin... Has never been the pushover type either. In fact, he's the one pushing OTHERS over. XD Though he's the youngest, his tongue's the sharpest among all 5 of them. Haha!

And though that time I was biased towards Junsu, watching him get totally shot down by Changmin is hilarious. XD Junsu's the bullyable type too, which makes it more fun to watch. (I'm sadistic I know.)

-------------------------------------------------------------

Ok. Enough DBSK fandom.

Tennis. XD

Wednesday nights are my tennis sessions. And I'm beginning to like the game. It's similar to a punching bag. Except you get to use bright yellow balls. ^^"

Haha! And it doesn't help everytime I hit the ball, I keep wanting to read Prince of Tennis all over again... For the (N) times! And though my ball-hitting abilities are zilch, there is something extremely satisfying to hear the sound of the ball connecting with your racket.

Note to self: After 7 weeks, if I still want to play, get myself a proper racket.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Tonight I'm going to watch Lion King. Yay! And I've more or less packed my clothes for Japan trip. ^-^

*Feeling productive*
*Productively lazy* (Cause I'm feeling lazy and yet I got things done.) ^-^

Hi Ya Ya

2011-07-12T21:42:00.002+08:00

Dancing in Summer Paradise
Saranghae Hiyayaya~

-----------------------------------------------------

Had a haircut~<3

My head definitely feels lighter. XD Such an odd feeling. And it cost like... >$300. I mean sure it's nice. But... I most likely won't go back there... Unless I strike lottery.

Anyway, it's much MUCH shorter now. Thank God. XD I told the hairstylist I don't want my hair touching my neck. XD Well... I got my wish, though it's longer than I envisioned. (Btw, I suck at visualising my hairstyle.)

Haha! Though it took forever (my poor cousin who accompanied me nearly died) and cost a bomb, it's actually quite nice. XD

Everyone in the hair salon are all guys. XD And they asked me if I was having school holidays. And I said yes. XD Then the person cutting my hair asked which school I was from. The look on their faces when I told them I was from Uni. XDDD

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Sigh. I'm such a sad person. I only got into DBSK fandom AFTER they broke up. =( Damn. Now listening to all their acapella and they sound AMAZING. I love it when the guys harmonise like this. OMG. It's like listening to angels. <3 Sigh. I'm too late it seems.

The reason why I'm so sad about this? I WANT CHANGMIN'S PICTURE ON MY EZLINK.

I'm such a simple-minded fool. =^^=

Tennis 101

2011-07-07T15:25:00.002+08:00

XD Yesterday, I learned some tennis from a couple of my church people. No. I do not know anyone there. And it was BLOODY AWKWARD. But it was fun.

My right arm hurts now. XD

I learned about the forward stroke, and how to "brush" a ball and how to "push" a ball. Brushing gives the ball a spin and more control.

For me, actually, I'll just be damn happy if I can HIT THE STUPID YELLOW FLUFF.

Ochibi was with me too. ^^" It was nice to know she was there. Cause I really didn't know anyone there... I only know T, cause he's from choir, but that's all I know.

And it was super awkward when they asked if there was anyone who never played tennis before... And only Ochibi and I raised our hands... -_- All the other people are cheaters, I swear...

Why would anyone want to LEARN tennis when they CAN PLAY TENNIS!! !#@$^*#$(&(

Grrr.. Anyway, long story short, I'm glad I had a companion in the form of my cousin. XD

Kyoya Ida

2011-07-05T16:12:00.003+08:00

New manga guy to eyeball: Kyoya Ida.

I am beginning to like the name Kyoya... After all, Hibari is called Kyoya too.

Anyway, Koya Ida. He's super adorable. He's always all brooding and stuff, but he's really sweet and awkward. XD Oh, and he kills people too. ^^" He's supposed to be a detective, but he doesn't really follow the rules, so... ^^"

What? There's no thrill to a guy if there isn't a dangerous element about him... That and I'm just a adrenaline junkie. And it helps that he's good looking. With piercing eyes. And a smirk on his lips.

He's from the manga Jiraishin. Interesting story. About crime, crooks, corruption and all. Ida (of course) is the main character, though I really can't tell what he's thinking. Most of the main characters are simple to figure out after a while. But Ida still remains a mystery... (Maybe that's why I was drawn to him...)

The things he does, really makes me wonder if he's a detective to help people, or to kill people and use his title as an excuse. Or maybe for his own satisfaction. I have no idea. Maybe it's a mixture of everything, maybe nothing.

... Talking about killing people reminds me of when Kyoya recommended me to watch Dexter...

Sigh. So many things on my mind. And none of it makes sense. Not much anyway.

Feeling.. I dunno... Blank would be a good word to use... But it doesn't quite cut it.

Zzz... I should stop reading psychological horror stories... Considering the fact that I'm easy influenced by the subconscious emotions in what I read... And not all criminals that I read in those manga are rather sane...

Reminiscing

2011-07-04T20:45:00.002+08:00

OMG. Reminiscing about all the stories I used to read. There is one particular one that I love a lot. It's very hilarious, even though I don't really know the characters.

The characters are from some game called Star Ocean 3. Anyway, this girl, Nel Zelpher, has been forced into marriage to her long-time rival, Albel Nox, no thanks to her Queen.

Nel's and Albel's conversations tend to be quite funny, as both of them are as sarcastic as hell. And they're quite curt with each other, often threatening each other, etc. XD It always sends me into laughter.

Excerpts from the story:

About meeting Albel's mother:
"Certainly. Let's start with meeting the parents."

"Your father is dead, Nox."

"So is yours, Zelpher. But my mother is very much alive and she'd like to meet you."

Nel blinked rapidly several times. "You have a mother."

"Contrary to popular belief I was born of woman and not hatched from an egg."

And her tendency to feed people and Albel's size:
"So how do stay so skinny?"

"I run."

"In the morning or evening?"

"Away."

About getting married:
"So where do we get married?" Nel asked.

"According to rumor, such things happen in a church."

Nel sighed and swallowed another spoonful of mashed potatoes. "I suppose you want to get married in Airyglyph."

"Oh yes, I enjoy being in dark, candle lit places that just breath gloom and doom. We'll get married in Aquios where we'll be able to see the assassins hiding in the back."

And their constant arguments:
Nel's hand landed on her dagger. "So what's going to keep me from killing you until Cliff and Mirage show up?"

"Physical speed and chloroform."

"I hate you."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Haha! And these are just from the first 2 chapters! XDDD (I am not posting everything funny here... I'm too lazy.)

Many Things...

2011-06-26T19:23:00.003+08:00

These few days have been quite epic. XD And my mind is still trying to come to terms with most of them.

First off, choir. I suppose I never quite understood why I always felt empty when I go for prolonged periods of "no choir practice this month". As of the moment, I believe I have skipped choir for a month, and including this month, makes 2 months, and I'm already edgy.

And when I went for the choir gathering yesterday, it was really overwhelming for me, emotionally.

First of all, I didn't realise my choir member stayed in my old neighborhood. It was the one I had all my fondest memories of my childhood, and it was extremely nostalgic to be back there. I really didn't know to laugh or cry. (I opted for laughter...) And for a moment, I really wanted to rewind time. To relive all those moments I had.

But I know, as I had moved on, so had everyone. Everyone would be different from what I remember of them. The old playground has been changed about 2 times since I left too. The little tykes I remember would be in JC or Poly by now, and everything would have changed so much...

And I just want to remember them as they were before.

Anyway, the choir gathering was really fun. We kept sabo-ing all our leaders to sing. So it became like a mini live-karaoke session. And I got to mix around with the youths of the choir. And they're a really fun bunch. And for a moment, I forgot about the world. About lab. About school. About everything.

And it seems, it was exactly that that I was looking for these few weeks. Ooo. And one of my choir members makes THE most AWESOME carrot cake EVER! I loved the cheese and I couldn't get enough of it. XD Why are all the best chefs/bakers all guys?! Sigh.

Anyway, I was really glad I went for it. I realised that when I saw them, suddenly, it's as if a part of me isn't empty anymore. And I didn't know it was empty until it was filled. A really odd feeling indeed.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Also, I went for service today and I just wanna get some ramblings off my chest, so sorry if they don't particularly make sense.

Somehow, when I was reading the passage, I was struck by a whole variety of thoughts.

That in the end, we're all trying so hard to be like Martha, when all God wants is for us to be like Mary. We're trying to do everything so well, make everything so perfect, scrutinize all those micro details, etc. and then claim we know God. When all God wants for us, is to listen. And obey.

And all you Pharisees, making up all those stupid laws and traditions for people to follow, thinking you are better than the rest, because you scrutinize the law of Moses and follow it to the letter. And then you claim that you know God best.

Hello. You foolish idiots couldn't even comprehend the people under your supposed care. And God is inifinite in his years of experience and knowledge. And you, a measly human, barely a century, dare to claim you know God? What suckers.

And when God himself came down as Man, you scorn upon him, saying he's a liar and cursed and etc. Why? Because he shattered your pathetic, fragile pride. Saying you know God. Wait a couple more centuries and I'll still doubt you'll have the capability to do anything like knowing God.

Anyway, the pastor shared a passage that sent me into laughter: John 9:24-30
The context of the story is that Jesus healed a blind man and the Pharisees, aka Jews, were interrogating him.

[Jews] to [No-Longer-Blind Man]: Give God the glory! We know that [Jesus] is a sinner.

[No-Longer-Blind Man]: Whether He is a sinner or not, I do not know. One thing I know, that though I was blind, now I see.

[Jews]: What did He do to you? How did He open your eyes?

[No-Longer-Blind Man]: I told you already, and you did not listen. Why do you want to heat it again? Do you also want to become His disciples?

[Jews]: YOU are His disciple, but WE are Moses' disciples. We know that God spoke to Moses; as for this fellow, we do not know where He is from.

[No-Longer-Blind Man]: Why, this is a marvelous thing, that you do not know where He is from; yet he has opened my eyes! ...

OMG. I applaud that guy. He was so sarcastic towards the Jews. I couldn't stop laughing when I was reading this. In those times, the Jews were like... The Mayors or the MPs, while the man was like... someone from a single-room flat. XD

Oh well. Those with noses too high in the air are bound to trip over their own feet.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last of all, Cosfest. They have certainly expanded from when I first went to Cosfest. Btw, some random reporter from My Paper interviewed me, so please refrain from buying that paper for a while.

Anyway, that event has certainly grown... Though the cosplaying standards seem to have dropped...

The costumes are nice and all, but they aren't all there is to cosplay. And for some reason, most of the cosplayers I see don't quite seem to get that... Figure and looks are equally important too. (There's a reason why I don't cosplay...) For goodness' sake, if you look ugly as hell, no amount of costumes or make-up is gonna cover that... Especially if the character you're cosplaying is supposed to be very beautiful.

Not to say they're all bad. There are some really cute ones. And nowadays, there are more guys cosplaying too (maybe it's because more of them are working out and are more confident in their bodies... Seeing their costumes are sort of revealing)

And of course, the best female way to capture the lens of a camera. Wrap bandages around your chest, wear some long flowy pants, carry a fake sword and pose. All the male photographers will fall for it hook, line and sinker.

Another way is, to dress in a tight lolita dress or wear leather and look damn badass. It definitely captures attention too.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Ah. I think I've been hanging around Kyoya for too long. I'm becoming too cynical. XD

Officially an Adult

2011-06-19T00:51:00.002+08:00

Hey all!

I am officially an adult.

Who is still constantly mistaken as a secondary school kid.

And it is now officially legal for me to do everything I've been doing. XD

Thanks to the 4 lovely angels who wished me happy birthday, namely F, Kyoya, Yuki and Ochibi.

Actually, I wasn't really expecting anything, but today turned out to be really great after all.

We went to watch Super 8, which is really awesome. Haha! I particularly like the monster. And when he opened his eyes, HE IS SOOO CUTE!!! *ahem* I have odd taste, I know.

Then we went home and celebrated my birthday with a rather large summer tiramitsu cake. =^^=

It was actually quite funny. Cause my mom's friend baked it for me, and she baked 2 bowls of them.

My mom, dad, Zack and I all ate the first bowl and told Sam it was really nice. And mom wanted to use the second bowl as my birthday cake. Sam didn't know, and since he didn't get to eat the first, he cut up one slice of the second cake.

Haha! When my mom exclaimed to me someone had sliced a huge hole in my cake, I ordered the culprit to fess up. And Sam sheepishly raised his hand. XDDD Luckily, we were able to hide the hole with a chocolate bar my mom's friend made that said "Happy 21st Birthday".

Really, Sam.

Oh! And Sam today was damn epic. Cause Zack was telling us about the Noose (he's now hooked onto it), and how Barbarella was saying that her boyfriend would come, twice. And Sam gave us this confused look and said "Huh? How does he go to her house twice?"

I tell you, I nearly died of laughter. And told Zack, "The reason why it wasn't censored is because there will always be idiots like Sam." HAHAHAHA!

OMG. Sam. You. Best.

Hahaha! I have to tell this to Kyoya. XD

And I have concluded... I'll be wearing a bright orange dress for HK conference... Zzz. It's the only one I have that is considered formal... Other than dinner gowns... ZZZ!!!!!

I swear, I'll be like a freaking beacon. Ugh.

Anyway, it's late. And I need to sleep. So bye all!

Anime Meme

2011-06-17T22:49:00.003+08:00

Ok. I'm copying this off my cousin's blog (as usual)

ANIME MEMES.

For the record, are you a male or female?
FEMALE.

Your first favourite anime character? Do you have a picture?
My first eh? Trunks from DBGT.

What anime is he/she from?
Dragon Ball GT. Though he first appeared in DBZ.

Why do you like him/her?
Because he's damn epic. XD And he's quite sweet. And... I dunno... A whole lot of factors I guess? (BLUE EYES!) I still consider him my first anime love. ^^"

Name your favourite eye-hair colour combination.
Jet black hair, electric blue eyes. OMG. I will melt with this combi.

Does an anime character fit that colour combination?
Not really. Or at least, none I know of.

Name your most hated anime character.
Any stupid, bimbotic damsels in distress in the anime.

If you could do anything to him/her, what would you do?
Such creatures should be exterminated. >=)

What was the first anime you watched?
I think it was Pokemon or Digimon... I forgot...

Name your favourite anime, and state why.
King of Bandits Jing. When you watch the anime, you will know why.

Do you prefer shounen or shojo anime?
Shounen everything. XD Nowadays I can't quite stand shoujo...

Which anime character influenced you in some way, or changed your mindset?
Kai Hiwatari from Beyblade. He's the reason why I love dark blue so much.

Make a list of your top 10 favourite anime characters.
1) Kai Hiwatari
2) Muraki Kazutaka
3) Amano Ginji
4) Count Cain
5) Hibari Kyouya
6) Erza Scarlet
7) Sho Kazamatsuri
8) Tezuka Kunimitsu
9) Itachi Uchiha
10) Riza Hawkeye

What superpowers does 6 have?
Create any weapon and armour.

Would you like to date 9?
I would love to. Except... HE'S DEAD. ;_;

What would be a typical birthday gift from 3?
A puppy? XD Actually, he would try his utmost best to impress me (which will result in lots of laughter).

Where would 7 bring you out on a date?
... The soccer field. Or that by-the-street stall that he frequents. ( I forgot what it's called)

Is 1 studious/clever?
In my utter biasedness, he's both.

Which one describes 4 the best: quiet/energetic/cute/handsome/plain/talented/arrogant/sexy/thoughtful? (And only one!!)
Arrogant. Down to the T.

What colour do you think fits 8?
Sky blue.

Does 10 play any musical instruments?
Eh... I dunno...

How heroic is 2?
... He's the one killing the heroes so... Not very?

If 5 died what would you do?
... ... ... For the life of me, I can't imagine Hibari dying... But I believe my heart would break.

Which anime character's response would you really like to read?
Genkai. From Yu Yu Hakusho. She's so snappy with her words, I always love reading her quotes.

What anime are you watching now?
None...

What is your favourite time to watch?
I don't like to watch anything... But I prefer watching at night.

And your favourite place?
Somewhere very comfy.

Who is your favourite auteur?
Don't know. Don't care.

Your favourite OST?
Hm... FF7 I guess.

What is the most difficult anime you’ve ever watched?
Durarara!! Ugh... That show...

What was the first anime you remember watching?
Pokemon or Digimon.

Do you have a comfort show that you re-watch?
King of Bandits Jing.

What is the most erotic anime you’ve watched?
I DON'T WATCH ANY.

Which classic should you have watched?
I should have watched Gundam Wing to the end. Sigh. Could never quite get around to finishing it.

Which series did you never want to end?
Eh... I usually want them ALL to end...

• What is your most overrated anime?
Ouran High.

Which character could you have an affair with?
KAI HIWATARI. Though my version of him and the actual version of him differs quite a bit already.

Who is your favourite character?
... The one I want to have an affair with?

Which character do you most dislike?
If I have to choose a character... That coach that tried to rape Nonomiya. I don't know his name and I don't want to.

Which character do you identify with most?
... Mostly all the main characters. The thing about following them emotionally allows you to identify with them.

• Which anime changed your life?
I think it was either DBZ or Saiyuki. From hence on, I got hooked onto the world of anime and manga.

Odd Dreams

2011-06-07T21:01:00.003+08:00

Ok. I've been having weird dreams and I wanna keep track of them before I forget them.

On Saturday night, I went to a charity event by my mom's friend. And the highlight of the night was I rode a Harley-Davidson! Whoo! It was epic!

*cough* that was just for remembrance purposes. *cough*

Anyway, at night, I dreamt that I was part of some gang. The opposite gang were the bikers (one of them was especially hot and I only remember him...) Anyway, most of the dreams been faded out. But what I remember most clearly was running and hiding in this secret chamber which is actually an icebox, which has a long tunnel which opens up to some POSB bank...

Epic, no?

Then from there on, we ran to our hideout. (Wherever it was...)

Other bits of the dream involve making a gun by melting batteries (like, what the hell?), and my mom finding the checkbook of the hot biker and trying to cash in some voucher...

And somehow, I ended up on the opposite gang with the bikers... Apparently, I was to be some sort of sacrifice to their secret weapon or something... I forgot. But I end up befriending them, only to realise they're not as bad as we thought they were.

Something about "We kill because, if we don't, they'll kill us" that's the sentiment of both sides, so I sort of told them "Then you just have to prove that you won't kill them, and they would realise the same thing".

Ah... I can only remember the dream in pieces now, so it probably sounds really weird.

And the second dream...

I can only remember climbing some smaller version of the eiffel tower. Apparently, it was some sort of challenge or obstacle course or something... Anyway, my goal was to remove the head of this really huge gorilla from its body.

I also remembered being completely owned by that stupid monkey and I suck at decapitation. Anyway, I forgot what happened, the gorilla was eventually beheaded, and I got stuck on the tower, cause I'm afraid of heights...

And there was this guy... Someone very familiar, that told me to jump and he would catch me. Giving me that nonchalant smile of his and just held out his arms. Initially I refused to jump, cause I was afraid he won't catch me, but... Somehow, he gave me this vibe, that he would.

And I jumped.

And yeah, he caught me. But I woke up straight after that.

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That guy... He was so familiar, now that I think about it, because I used to dream about him in primary school. (Yes, I forgot all about him) But I've never met him before though... Only in my dreams (and part of me is inclined to believe I made him up). He's a rather laid-back sort of guy, but, reliable.

Anyway, dreaming about him again is sort of nostalgic.

And now, back to reality... Sigh.

What Holidays?

2011-06-03T13:21:00.002+08:00

Ugh. I've been pretty busy these few weeks...

Research is getting more interesting, though I wish I don't have to travel 3 FREAKING HOURS for... 1 hour(?) of lab... Totally not worth it. But I need to know the procedure and stuff...

Today, of course, I skipped lab. Too sian already. And I more or less know what it involves anyway. HS demo for us before, and I still remember pieces of it.

Psych is fun as always, but I've been so tired lately, I can't quite enjoy the lesson as much as I want to.

And I'm getting addicted to my new RPG game, The Chronicles of Inotia 3: Children of Carnia. It's a really fun game, and (of course), people dying left right and centre. XD And there are lots of quests to do (which I love), so I've been sort of playing it non-stop whenever I can. Sadly, only Inotia 3 is available on iPad. The rest is on iPhone. Zzz.

Though I've been neglecting my duty as a cell admin, and forgetting to fill in all the attendance lists... Zzz... Personally, I don't care whether the members are coming for cell. It's your religion, you should take responsibility for it... But the church wants to know how frequent you have been going to church, how many times you attended church this month, etc. Zzz... Logistics, I'm starting to hate you...

Sigh... And I'm getting all my dates mixed up. For one, I thought this week was next week... Zzz. Can't wait for next week though. YUKI IS COMING OVER!! WHOO! And I'm really excited about it...

Speaking of which, I have to meet Ochibi soon (hopefully, tmr) to check something out...

Also, No. 3 on my Missing List is fast becoming my eye-candy... XD Though I doubt he realise it (And I sort of hope he doesn't)...

Sigh. Sorry, my thoughts are jumping all over the place.

Anyway, I HAVEN'T EATEN LUNCH. So this is it for now.

Ja~!

Looking For Angels

2011-05-26T22:40:00.003+08:00

Going through this life looking for Angels
People passing by, looking for Angels.

Walk this world alone try to stay on my feet

Sometimes crawl, fall, but I stand up cause I'm afraid to sleep
And open my eyes to a new day, with all new problems and all new pain
All the faces are filled with so much anger
Losing our dignity and hope from fear of danger
After all the wars, after settling the scores, at the break of dawn we will be deaf to the answers

There's so much bigotry, misunderstanding and fear
With eyes squinted and fists clinched we reach out for what is dear
We want it we want
We want a reason to live
We're on a pilgrimage
A crusade for hope
Cause in our hearts and minds and souls we know

We need it we need
We need more than this

Going through this life looking for angels
People passing by looking for angels
Walking down the streets looking for angels
Everyone I meet looking for angels

So many nations with so many hungry people
So many homeless scrounging around for dirty needles
On the rise, teen suicide, when we will realize
we've been desensitized by the lies of the world
We're oppressed and impressed by the greedy
Whose hands squeeze the life out of the needy
When will we learn that wars, threats, and regrets are the cause and effect of living in fear

Who can help protect the innocence of our children
Stolen on the internet with images they can't forget
We want it we want
We want a reason to live
We represent a generation that wants to turn back a nation
To let love be our light and salvation

We need it we need
We need more than this

I became a savior to some kids I'll never meet
Sent a check in the mail to buy them something to eat
What will you do to make a difference, to make a change?

What will you do to help someone along the way?
Just a touch, a smile as you turn the other cheek
Pray for your enemies, humble yourself, love's staring back at me
In the midst of the most painful faces
Angels show up in the strangest of places

Walking down the streets looking for angels
Everyone I meet looking for angels

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I believe there are days God wonders why I was born with a mouth... And there are days He's glad He gave me a mouth.

This is one of those days, I'm glad He gave me a mouth.

First of all, for Psych, I made a new friend, called KK. And I found out he's in the same tutorial class as Me and BMS(HN). I dunno about BMS(N) though.

Though the most memorable part was this evening. I was to meet my cell leader for dinner, and personally, I really really REALLY didn't want to go. But now that it's over, I'm glad I did. Sometimes, I'm really glad I put duty over emotions.

Anyway, long story short, I literally told her that her sms made me lose my trust in her. And that I was quite upset over her sms. And it was a simple misunderstanding. Because she was being all Christian-like, and that as a leader she should correct others, etc. And I also learnt she herself had been going through a pretty rough time, and all her words came out wrong.

Apparently, she misinterpreted me, and thought I was going over to the dark side (or so I put it). Or that I was straying from God. Hello. My self-control is not that weak, thank you very much. But hers was, and she was afraid for me. And... Well... She didn't know me that well.

Anyway, we talked things out. And she learnt that I'm stronger than she originally thought I was. It's called being HUMBLE, not PATHETIC. Just because I don't announce to the world that I can do it, doesn't mean I can't.

Anyway, I also learnt quite a few things from her. And I guess in the end, be it male or female, we're all just really human. That even girls can have perverted thoughts (and no, there is nothing wrong with that... You aren't in trouble for thinking a guy looks damn hot and you want to have your way with him), and that guys can be emotional.

It's just... Taboo in society, I suppose, to go against presumed stereotypes. And so we all remain misunderstood. =/

I guess, confrontation is the best way to repair a problem for me... I won't say that her comments don't hurt anymore... And that I trust her anymore... But... I guess... We'll slowly build it back. That trust that she lost. Who knows? After all, there are some people who should get a second chance... After all, they're just human... Like you. Like me.

2011-05-20T22:52:00.002+08:00

Damn... I hate monotonous days like these... Well... Relatively monotonous...

The most I did today was bring Mika to the vet. Apparently, her fur problem is a chronic one, so she needs a special diet and medicine every few months...

And by end of this month, Dad will be jobless again... So... I don't know how we're gonna do this...

Between research and my special sem (which will start next week), I don't think I'll even have the time to find a part-time job... So... I won't even bother...

Sigh... Bored... I'm so easily bored it seems...

Anyway, tomorrow should be more eventful I hope. XD

Going to my little cousin's funfair in his primary school. After all, I've been there, done that, and I know what it felt like to want someone from your family to come and support you. My parents never came over, as far as I remember... But I know my brothers did. And it was a nice encouragement.

And after that... My aunt wants to bring me to shop for a dress... ^^" Hopefully, a formal one, then I can wear that for formal events... Hm... I seem to be having more dresses in my closet this time... -_- The number rose from 2... to 4... and now to 7, i think...

Zzz... I still find them an inconvenience to put on... Dresses make me more self-conscious... Zzz.

Anyway, after that, we're watching POTC4!! Whoo! Jack Sparrow! Haha! I sort of miss that crazy loon after all the trilogy.

AND I STILL HAVEN'T FOUND TIME (more like she doesn't have the time) TO SEE YUKI!!! ZZZ!! Sigh... At least meet me half-way girl! Can't cha tell I'm trying here?!

And I don't mean talking through that idiot you call your boyfriend. I mean seeing you, and talking to you... Sigh... The problem with that girl is that her heart is in the right place, it's just that she's too darn laid-back to do anything about it... Grrrr...

Anyway... The screw-up in the whole plan is... I have choir the same time as the tickets I booked for POTC4. So... While I hate to skip choir... I can't cancel the tickets... Sigh... And now I'm already feeling guilty that I can't go choir...

Ah hell... Part of me misses school already...

Vietnam 4

2011-05-17T22:38:00.002+08:00

This is written on my iTouch for the past 4 days:

14/5

Today was really tiring. Fun but tiring. Because of the difference in time zones, we had 25 hours today. When we came to Vietnam, we were greeted by T, our tour guide for the trip and the son of Mom's friend.

We first went to our hotel where we placed our stuff, and then we wandered around ben thanh market a little while before going off to dinner.

The Ben Thanh Market was really interesting. The wet market was the best! All the live animals were amazing. I've never seen the animals I ate so up close before. The soft-shell crabs were the most adorable. They were in a pan, all lined up, and some were even blowing bubbles. SO CUTE!!!

The market itself is very interesting. I sort of wanted to buy shoes there, but we had to get ready for dinner, so we couldn't stay long.

Mom also brought us to eat some crab meat with been hoon. It was the most amazing thing I have ever eaten!

And I wanna eat it again!

Dinner was a traditional vietnamese buffet. It was ok I guess... The craziest thing I did there was to try their duck foetus. Ugh. Though it was not too bad with the sauce, (I was dumb enough to take my first mouth of it without the sauce. Blurgh.) it's definitely not my cup of tea...

Anyway, after dinner, we went to have some coffee/beer. Zack's the most epic. After buffet, he ordered not coffee nor beer, but CHICKEN SOUP!!! XD Best, man. Best. And of course, our hosts were laughing their heads off. So Zack, feeling shy, asked if he could "ta bao" back the soup, which led to another bout of laughter.

Haha! Anyway, after that, we went for a short drive around Ho Chi Minh City in the night. It's actually quite a serene place to be in. And almost all the stores close by 8-9pm. XD Hahaha!

And my brothers were full of lame jokes today. Here are some of their jokes to leave you shivering:

Do you get the grappler's joke?
Do you get it? Do you get it?

Americans only know what water, bag and crow are in chinese. Do you know why?
Because of Bruce Lee, when he fights, he goes "Wa-Tah!", "Su-Pow!" and "Wu-Yah!"
(You should listen to it with my brother's hand actions. It's damn hilarious.)

Do you know why all the guys love to sit Tiger Airways?
Because they have tigers (Thai girls).

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15/5

Today, we watched "Fast and Furious 5". Haha! But before that, we had beef noodles for breakfast. OMG. I love their beef noodles!! It was wonderful!

Anyway, (I CAN'T BELIEVE WE WENT TO VIETNAM TO WATCH A FREAKING MOVIE), the movie was really nice. Typical race car scene and all. With nice actions. Haha! Though the storyline is rather predictable, it's still adernaline-packed and quite attention-grabbing.

We also visited the Vietnam War Museum. The part I love and hate the most is the part about Agent Orange. And there is this... feeling of sadness in the whole museum itself. I guess... The horrors of war has yet to fade in this part of town...

Then we had dinner at a tradtional Vietnamese resturant (our hosts brought us to eat different types of vietnamese food during our stay) before visiting the night market near our hotel. Oh yeah... I forgot to mention, I stay near the Ben Thanh market. ^^" So the night market is also within walking distance.

Anyway, through my whole journey through the market, I have learnt a valuable lesson: So shopping with someone who can bargain.

Though I suck at bargaining, I managed to buy some really nice stuff, namely some formal shoes for choir (one that'll give me less blisters, hopefully) and a dress... ^^

Mom says I should buy more dresses here. Cause the dresses here are quite nice, and they're not easy to find or quite expensive in Singapore. Or at least, they're more expensive in Singapore.

Zack's been feeling out of it though... And kinda homesick. Sigh. I can't emphatise with him sadly. After all, I definitely don't feel homesick at all. In fact, I love every moment out of the country. ^-^ And a part of me wish I could stay here longer. The food's awesome, the people are... well... People. And the change of scenery is very refreshing.

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16-17/5

Haha! I forgot to write about these 2 days cause it was quite hectic, and I was really tired. On the third day, we went shopping at the Old and New Saigon Square. The Old Saigon Square was better though. We can bargain there, at least. Then we went to the night market again for more shopping. XD

Yeah. That was our eventful third day. Shop, shop and shop some more. XD My mom bought $100 worth of Kipling bags. Trust me, it's a hell lot of bags.

I got a Burberry jacket. XD It's really nice. The only downside is, there is no hood. But the whole jacket is really too lovely to pass up, so I bought it. ^^"

And on the last day, the four of us went for pedicure and manicure. For me, I got some acrylic nail extensions (to stop me from biting on my real nails). And we went to the hair salon to wash our hair, etc. Before heading to the airport to go home.

And of course, typical me cannot get through 4 days of holidays without any mishap. XD Cause my mom and her friend went to see this site where he plans to build up a departmental store, with apartments on the top. Like a larger version of a shophouse.

And I was walking around, and I hit my head on the top of a bar. Owwww...

Anyway, all the pictures of Vietnam are with my brothers... And all the people he had stalked... So no pictures for your viewing. Hahaha! =P

Walking On

2011-05-14T01:46:00.001+08:00

I give up.

And people wonder why I don't like Christians. They have one huge stick up their asses.

Maybe I was wrong to think they were different. I think I am...

They say that they are. They pretend to accept. But deep down, I guess they really object.

I think... I have facebook for too long a time...

I think... I need to shut it down. I've survived without it. And I will continue living on without it. Maybe I'll try twitter next. Hm... ~_^

Haha. But I guess... It was all just a pretend. As in... I don't think the comments were wrong. Crude, yes. But not wrong. But it seems... Ah hell...

I'm always the odd one out, aren't I?

Sigh...

After my exams, when I don't need the paper online...

I'll deactivate it. And personally... I'm quite tired of it. I don't really talk to anyone there anyway. And those that I do talk to, I also see them in RL. So what's the point?

You don't want to read my thoughts? So be it. You won't be reading it. Period.

Sigh... If you don't want to read it, then don't read it. Don't complain to me about it. They're my views. If you don't want to accept them, just say so.

Don't pretend.

But I guess... Christianity is a mask I guess... Everyone trying to be like God... But we're just pathetic, cheap imitations of the real thing.

Anyway, this is it.

With that said.
Goodbye.

Precious One

2011-05-11T18:29:00.003+08:00

Time goes by bokura wa ikutsumo no deai to wakare wo kurikaesu
Here I am dareka no yasashisa ni amaete nanika wo miushinatta

Ima sugisatta kisetsu wo kazoe hitorikiri no yoru nani wo omou?

Sometime toki ni nazeka mune ni semaru loneliness
I don't want to be all alone setsunakute

One day itsu no hi ni ka mitsukaru sa precious one
Sora miagereba hora ne hitotsu no shining star

Tell me why doushite bokutachi wa konna ni ai wo motomeru no ka na?

Ahh... Hoshizora wa shoujiki da ne yasashiku kirameki yoru wo kazaru

Somewhere dokoka ni iru taisetsu na only one
You're not all alone anymore hitori ja nai

Someday itsuka aeru unmei no someone you'll love
Futo ki ga tsukeba hora ne kimi no soba ni iru

Tatoe million years toki ga sugitemo
We never change, no worries, you'll be alright
Your precious only one kanarazu deaeru sa
One day you'll find kono hoshi de I believe in love
Zutto

Sometime toki ni nazeka mune ni semaru loneliness
I don't want to be all alone setsunakute

Somewhere dokoka ni iru taisetsu na only one
You're not all alone anymore hitori ja nai

Someday itsuka aeru unmei no someone you'll love
Futo ki ga tsukeba hora ne kimi no soba ni iru
Kimi ga soba ni iru
You'll meet your only one

Somewhere dokoka ni iru taisetsu na only one
You're not all alone anymore hitori ja nai

Sometime toki ni nazeka mune ni semaru loneliness
I don't want to be all alone only one

----------------------------------------------------------------

This would be the perfect theme song for Saiyuki Gaiden. I am serious. But the whole story is really really sad.

Basically, it's a prequel of the whole Saiyuki series. This was the story of their past lives, when they were Gods. Of course, since it's a past-life, the story pretty much ended with all of them dying.

But within that four chapters, somehow, the magic and love in their completely screwed-up relationships is very touching.

I swear, Goku says the darnest things and has the cutest smile ever. But he's really too damn adorable not to like. And his Seiten Taisei mode is EPIC. I think he's the few characters that make massacres look amazing. ... =^^= (I think it's a bit obvious who my favourite character is, btw)

I really feel for him when he lost everyone though.

I digress...

The story's about the 4 main saiyuki characters in their past lives, living as Gods in Heaven. It was more like Hell than Heaven though. Full of rules and stifling responsibilities and arrogant pigheads that think the world revolved around them.

Then came a brat (*coughcoughGOKUcoughcough*) that turned 4 people's lives upside down. And for once, they understood the difference between living and existing. So of course when the bad guy decides to kill Goku due to... Competition... The four of them sought freedom. From that Heaven-turned-Hell, from their ranks, positions, from everything. And they tried to escape to Earth.

Sadly, one by one, they get picked off by the bad guys, who so decided to kill that airhead of an Emperor and blame them for it. So the whole of Heaven's after their heads. Before they die though, they all promised that they'll always be together. Although, I suppose, it was said to keep Goku smiling. But now that you looked back on it, I guess they did fulfill their promise after all. 500 years later, that is.

The ending was really bittersweet. After Konzen (what Sanzo used to be)'s death, Goku went into a depression/comatose-like state. And the Goddess of Mercy was supposed to erase Goku's memory before sealing him into the mountain. But that cheeky lady bent the rules a little. She didn't erase the memory of his name.

And as the pages showed Goku living through those 500 years, all alone, through the 4 seasons, at the end of it, story-wise, Gaiden ended when Saiyuki began.

Emotion-wise, it ended with hope.

P.S. Typing this makes me wanna read the whole Saiyuki all over again... From Gaiden to Reload.

Just A Kiss

2011-05-09T23:42:00.003+08:00

Lyin' here with you so close to me
It's hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe
Caught up in this moment
Caught up in your smile

I've never opened up to anyone
So hard to hold back when I'm holding you in my arms
We don't need to rush this
Let's just take this slow

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch in the fire burning so bright
And I don't want to mess this thing up
I don't want to push too far
Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life
So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight

I know that if we give this a little time
It will only bring us closer to the love we wanna find
It's never felt so real, no it's never felt so right

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch in the fire burning so bright
And I don't want to mess this thing up
I don't want to push too far
Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life
So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight

No I don't want to say goodnight
I know it's time to leave, but you'll be in my dreams
Tonight
Tonight
Tonight

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch in the fire burning so bright
And I don't want to mess this thing up
I don't want to push too far
Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life
So baby I'm alright, oh, let's do this right, with just a kiss goodnight
With a kiss goodnight
Kiss goodnight

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I love their harmonizing! ♥♥♥ Oh man! I wish I can harmonise like that too! Been working on it, but somehow, I just can't catch the harmonising note... Zzz. My friend says I'm more like a lead singer than a back-up singer. But I want to learn to harmonise. I think it sounds really beautiful.

Sadly, most of my harmonising attempts are epic fail...

Pre-Exam Blues

2011-05-07T22:09:00.003+08:00

Since I am in no more mood to study... I shall write some rubbish here. XD

Many people occupied my thoughts during this week long study period. People I miss.

First, is Yuki. She's been on my mind for quite a while. I just never blog about her. Sigh... And it's been almost a year since I last saw her... ;_; Yes, I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms when she's not around. Especially, immediately after she leaves, and after a long while... And, of course, I go high whenever I see her. =^^=

So yeah... I miss her lots... Especially now, it's so near the holidays and I can't wait to see her again! ^-^

The next person I miss is a no-brainer. Kyoya. I actually miss watching him and hearing him talk. ^^" But at least now's not so bad. The first few days of the week, the Kyoya withdrawal symptoms were stronger. Eh... Before it got overtaken by the Yuki withdrawal symptoms...

(Why do I keep making my friends sound like drugs...?) =/

I don't miss Inume that much... Probably cause I see her almost every month... And when I miss her, either she'll come over my place (yes, she's that free now) or I go over her place (when I'm free). Although I suffer from withdrawal symptoms when she's gone too...

Yuki's place... I've never been there before... >.> So I can't visit her... ;_;

Interestingly enough... The third person on my "Miss" list... Is someone I rather not say... I'm actually quite surprise he's on my "Miss" list... I can't say I know him, yet can't say I don't... Yet, I do want to know him better...

And although I don't really hang out with him that much, somehow... Yeah. I do miss him... If you can actually guess who he is, kudos to you. UGH. I've barely just figured out my feelings for one person... I don't need another one to complicate stuff!! UGH.

Luckily for me... for the third person... I don't miss him as much as the others... If I do... God help me...

Anyway, with that, I have to go back to studying... Even though nothing's going to my head anymore... ;_;

A Short Break

2011-05-04T01:58:00.002+08:00

YOUR BOY SIDE:
x You love hoodies
x You love jeans
Dogs are better than cats
x Its hilarious when people get hurt.
x You've played with/against boys on a team
x Sometimes shopping is torture
Sad movies suck
>You own an XBOX (owned)
x You played with Hot Wheels as a little kid.
x At some point in life you wanted to be a firefighter.
You own/owned a DS, PS2, or Sega
x You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers
x Sometimes you watch sports on TV (sport anime? :D)
x Gory movies are cool
You go to your dad for advice
You own like a trillion baseball hats
You used to/do collect football collector cards
Baggy sweatpants are cool to wear
x Its kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people
x Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors
x You love to go crazy and not care what other people think
x Sports are fun
Sometimes you talk with food in your mouth
Sometimes you sleep at night with your socks on
You have fished at least once

TOTAL = 14.5

YOUR GIRL SIDE:
You love to shop
You wear eyeliner
x Sometimes you go to your mom for advice
x You consider cheer leading a sport
You like going to the mall
You hate wearing the color black
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures
You like wearing jewelry
You cried watching The Notebook
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe (I own like, 2 skirts, or something)
Shopping is one of your hobbies
x You don't like the movie Star Wars
You are/were in gymnastics
It takes you around one hour to shower
x You smile a lot more than you should
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes
> You care about what you look like
You like wearing dresses when you can
You like high heel shoes
x You used to play with dolls as a kid
You like putting makeup on others
You like being the star of almost everything
x You wear body spray/perfume
Pink is one of your favorite colors

Total = 6.5

Hm... Seems like I'm more of a guy than a girl, in terms of personality. XD Though after friday's epic event, I doubt there's any doubt in anyone's mind that I'm female. Hahaha!

I'm still living off the high of the attention from Friday, by the way. And a part of me suddenly wants to dress more femininely, just for the attention. XDDD

Attention. Being the center of attention. Is such an addictive drug. I'm still craving it. Although I have a feeling that an overdose will make me a rather superficial person... =/

2011-04-30T22:45:00.000+08:00

Epic Joke of the Day: (As created by Sam and Zack)

Why are people afraid of Tampines?
Because it has Giant

How did the people defeat the Giant?
With Guardian

How did they afford the Guardian?
With Golden Village

How did the Guardian defeat the Giant?
By taking it to Courts

Who was the judge?
Watson

How did the judge help?
With his Ko Fu skills

------------------------------------------------------------

I nearly died of laughter at the lameness of it all.

Dressing Up

2011-04-29T20:39:00.002+08:00

I think I have officially shocked half of my class by my attire today... XD

Am I awesome? Or am I awesome? ~_^

Anyway, due to a request by D, I agreed to... dress up a little, since today's officially the last day of school.

I basically wore what I wore for CNY, with a little more stylish stuff, like a handbag and earrings. And I have to admit, the reactions, especially from the girls, are quite priceless. I guess it's because most of the class only see me in two things. T-shirt and jeans. So yeah... The dress had them floored.

And I know I look good in them too. ~_^

Haha! MR's expression was the best in our class. She stared at me with open eyes, grabbed me and turned me around, as if to confirm I'm actually wearing what I'm wearing. She was seriously stunned. XD

PH's reaction was the most classic. Haha! She was in disbelief, shock, hyperventilating, etc. Hahaha! It seems that I really don't dress up often... Seeing everyone around me react like that... ^^" And i even got a special request from my dear cell leader (courtesy of PH's eager sharing) to show her a picture (which PH took...).

Some of our seniors had decided (on their own) that I'm wearing like that for Kyoya and one even decided that we're to be married. -_- I love my school.

Of course, since it's D's request, I took pictures with her. J wanted me to model for her... !!! No way! I do not particularly want the day to be captured in black and white, thanks...

Then again... Considering that I already have photos of me taken... >.>

Haha! For once, I felt like a celebrity... ^^" Is it really that rare to see me dressed up in something feminine? (Don't answer)

Although I whined quite a bit (I believe), and kept edging away from *coughcrazycough* people, I'm really glad that my wonderful classmates gave me really positive feedback about my clothes... ^^" For one, it's one hell of a boost of my self-confidence. XD And it's interesting to note how many people noticed.

Of course, there are some wonderful sods that thought that I was a senior, or commented that I was going Geylang. And then, there are others who indirectly gave their compliments. =^^= All in all, it was a really epic day.

Notes to self:
Heels are a killer. Find something else to wear next time.
Do this again next year! 8DDD

Haha! And people do wonder why I would do it when a girl requests it, and not when a guy does. Simple. I like the girls' reactions better. ~_^ The guys... tend not to show whether they approve or not, so it's harder to gauge. Girls on the other hand... XD I love their reactions. Seriously.

Though I can tell some of the guys appreciated the change in view... I think... And I thought SK's comment was the cutest. XD

Anyway, it was fun while it lasted. BUT I'M STICKING TO MY JEANS AND T-SHIRTS. THANKS VERY MUCH.

Although, it'll be fun to pull this off again next year. Haha!

And to all those who comment that I look really nice and I should keep wearing like that, first of all, I only have 2 dresses. And I'll be even more shy to wear the other one... And if I wear it everyday, it'll lose the hype won't it? ~_^

Anyway, it was a fun day while it lasted. And now I'm tired... Yes, I know it's early, but when you're losing blood, yeah, you'll understand...

2011-04-28T21:57:00.002+08:00

Now that I think back about it... Somehow, somehow, you just know the exact words I'm looking for. The exact words that make me smile.

I don't know whether you know it, but sometimes, the small things you say, things that I suppose I'm always subconsciously looking for, they make me smile inside.

And suddenly, the little things I do, things that most people don't really realise or notice, somehow I'm glad I learnt those little things.

Although... I dunno... It's not as if I do them to be noticed, but when they are, I'm always really happy. I guess I'm always seeking for recognition one way or another. But I don't wanna be recognised in those really flashy things, like wearing really loud stuff. But for the small, seemingly-insignificant things...

Like when I put on make-up, I guess because I'm a girl, everyone always assumes that I know how to put on make-up and the like. Truth is, I'm really basing it on trial-and-error, and smoking my way through. Since my dear mom doesn't know anything about make-up either.

And yet, you noticed. That I've been trying. And although it shouldn't matter, it did.

And when I wore my contacts, and put on my make-up, and sang for choir, there is this sense of pride and joy I hear in your voice, that I have grown. And that... Is something that really made my day.

It is actually really ironic... That those words that I want to hear... Are always never from the lips of the people I want to hear them from... But I suppose, it's good enough.

I am really happy as it is.

Thank you so much. For your words. Simple as they are.

Mr. Taxi

2011-04-26T15:10:00.000+08:00

OMG. Even though it's only the 26th of April and they said they would release the video tomorrow...

THE DANCE VERSION IS OUT!!!!!!!!!

WHOO!!!

Haha! Though I'm not as crazy as Kyoya over SNSD, you have to admit, they DAMN HOT!!!

Haha! In this video, it's Taeyeon and Tiffany that captured my attention. And I think even Sunny looks quite nice in this video. (Only in the black and yellow outfit, of course) Though I think SooYoung and Yuri look the nicest in the full black suit. =^^= The other person that look really nice in full black is Seohyun.

In my opinion, Taeyeon stole the whole limelight of this song. ~_^ She's not only looked hell hot, her voice is damn epic too! She started the whole song on a high note, and ended it with a bang! Whoo!

The next person that caught my attention is Tiffany. XD I actually first noticed her and SooYoung during Run Devil Run, and she's definitely caught my attention once again in this video.

Hyoyeon was awesome during the short instrumental where she took center stage and owned it completely! Haha! Now I see why she's the Queen of Dance in SNSD. Those make-up artists shouldn't keep tying her hair up... She looks so much better with her hair down.

Yuri's solo during the bridge is equally amazing. For a second, I really didn't recognise her at all! =( I still prefer her with straight hair, like that in the black suit. Curls don't quite suit her, in my opinion...

As for Sunny, I felt that only her, Taeyeon and Jessica can pull off that police hat look. (Sorry Seohyun!) Haha! Though the feeling they give off is quite different. Taeyeon and Jessica is more sexy with a certain sense of style to it. Sunny... Feels more like an F1 model, borderline slutty... Yet, she looks really good in the outfit, so I ain't complaining.

SooYoung stole my heart during the bridge too. She looks damn sexy during her solo, in both outfits. The black outfit gives a rather sweet feeling to me, and the yellow/black one is just HOT.

And I'm still playing the song over and over again on my com... Their dance MV is definitely worth the wait! *hearts*

MBS

2011-04-23T20:49:00.010+08:00

Haha! I got the pictures from Sam!

On friday, since my mom got a free stay at MBS, I invited my cousin along to stay overnight at the hotel. (Actually, Kyoya was supposed to come, but since he couldn't make it, here are some pictures from that day, as promised)

P.S. Though the pictures seem quite little, we actually took a lot of pictures... I just refuse to take all the pictures my brother took while stalking random people (me included)... It's just plain freaky...

When we got there, somehow, my mom managed to get a way bigger room than intended, as the room we're supposed to get is not ready. So we got something better for the same price. How awesome is that? XD

Pictures of the room:

This is the room my mom, OCHIBI and I stayed. (I am totally calling my cousin Ochibi from now on! Mwhahaha!)

It's huge, ain't it! XD Haha! My brothers weren't as lucky. They got a much smaller room. Then we explored the sky park lounge, where the swimming pool was. (Ochibi and I were also arguing on whether the sky park looked more like a ship or a spaceship. Senseless conversations, I know.)

Top of the deck:

We only swam at night though. Less people and we can do more silly things without (too many) people staring at us like we're lunatic.

Anyway, after we went to the sky park, we explored the underground shopping belt under MBS.

We didn't really buy anything though. It was a more interesting place to look around than shop. Though we did buy Royce chocolate to enjoy during our late night drinking and gambling. ~_^

We also bought dinner from Cold Storage, cause my mom lazy to walk all the way to Marina Square or Suntec for food. -_- But it was quite nice still. We had sashimi for dinner. And my brothers had honey-glazed chicken and sushi. XD

Then Ochibi and I went swimming. And I realised exactly how out of shape I really am. Zzz. Though the night view from the sky park is much nicer than the day view. Haha! There were those beam lights shining around for the clubs. Haha! Ochibi and I were joking that we should paste some batman symbol stickers on those lights, and we were laughing ourselves silly over it.

Childish I know. But it was fun! XD

Then after swimming, we went back to the room and had a mini session of "Tai Ti" and "Texas Hold 'Em Poker". Haha! We played the latter most of the night though. Sam was teaching us the game. Once we got the hang of it, it's actually quite fun!

Zack was like "$10! $20! $40!" ZOMG. We were losing to him!! Haha! But most of the time, he was bluffing. And Sam, silently betting, kept having full houses, 2 pairs, 3 of a kind, etc!! Haha! And my two brothers kept winning until my mom jokingly said that she should have brought them to the casino. They would have won us quite a bit of money. Hahaha!

The best part was the last game. Since it was the last game, we all went nuts placed damn high bets!

Zack: $100!
Me: ALL IN!!! (I didn't have enough money)
Ochibi: WTH! Fine! $100!!!

Haha! In the end, Ochibi won. It was sooo funny! Zack actually thought he would win, but Ochibi owned him! Mwhahaha!

Texas Hold 'Em:

I brought 2 poker decks there. One of the decks became our cash, the other became our cards. XD As you can see, we were enjoying the Royce chocolate we bought as well.

We also enjoyed some Australian red wine and German Riesling liquor while gambling too. Whoo! Oh! And we also had chips. ^^" (potato chips, btw)

By then it was really late, so we went back to sleep. XD

Haha! That pretty much concludes what we did during the one night stay itself. Haha!

Other random pictures by Sam:

Picture of MBS

The VIP lounge, where we went to get our rooms and room keys. (Sorry. The ceiling was more interesting than what was going on below...)

A random shot of Zack, MBS and a light...

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Other random amusing events that happened during the stay:

Zack: *pointing at the artificial hand-looking thingy by Marina Bay* Do you know what that thing is?
Me: Eh... A hand?
Zack: No! It's INCOMPLETE!!

I laughed myself silly. XD Lame, retarded jokes. Haha! I realised it's those retarded jokes that make me laugh the most.

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During poker,

Zack: *after he won a lot of money* Whoo! I'M RICH!! TAKE MONEY GO HOME!!!

Haha! We laughed like crazy at his overdramatic actions too.

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When we were in our room, my mom took out some of the beverages from the fridge to put our bottles of alcohol. Then when she went down to the VIP lounge to ask for my brothers' room, they told her she had incurred a debt of >$80.

My mom: WTH!!!

Apparently, none of us noticed the sign that said that the fridge was an automatic private bar. So whenever a beverage is removed from the fridge, the price of the beverage is automatically added to our tab. XD

The hotel was nice enough to waive the tab for us though.

P.S. The prices of drinks at MBS is crazy. 10 cans of drink = >$80. So one can = >$8!! ZOMG!!
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But, like every hotel, there are down sides to the place.

The major downside is that their service sucks.

Like when my mom went to check in at 2.45pm (our actual check-in timing is at 3pm), our rooms were actually not ready yet. That's why our room got "upgraded" to the really huge room.

But my brothers' room still wasn't ready. And by 5pm, my mom went back to their VIP lounge and asked the receptionist for another room, since the one my brothers were supposed to have is still not ready.

Another incident was when my mom called room service to deliver 5 wine glasses so that we can drink some alcohol. She had to call about 3 times before anything was given to her...

And unlike most hotels, their lobby is nowhere near peaceful. It's full of tourists trying to get their rooms, people queueing and waiting for their rooms, etc. It was really crowded and noisy. And it irked poor Ochibi.

But other than those things, the stay was very fun! Haha!

Can't wait to do something crazy like that again some day! ^_^

2011-04-23T13:23:00.002+08:00

Zzz. Too tired to write. Still got lots of stuff to do after my MBS adventure...

Later got choir rehearsal (OMG. I'm driving). And I haven't driven in... 4+ months? XD And a really lazy part of me really REALLY do not want to go for service... Hm... Maybe I'll stay back and do some work or something... ^^" I really need to start studying...

Anyway, I'll tell you about my MBS trip some other time. Hopefully, with pictures.

On the Thrid Day...

2011-04-20T22:50:00.002+08:00

Mika is... less rowdy now. She still pounces on people (ME! And she broke my headphones while doing so), but she's now learning to calm down at last. Especially if we're firm with her.

However, as she is still learning her place, she has yet to learn about her place in the doggie hierarchy in our house.

Rule #1: Do Not Bother Tabby. She's the alpha leader at home, and will not be too happy about having her place challenged.

Rule #2: Chocy may be half-blind, small and clumsy. And timid. But that does not mean you can bully him. Though she keeps trying to play with Chocy, and Chocy keeps AVOIDING Mika. XDDD

Mika, though still a pup (a very fat pup at that), she subconsciously know about her place at home. It's just that my mom and I are the only two people that is willing to play a bit with her.

And it just so happens we're also the two that Tabby is most protective (possessive actually) of.

So when I came home, there was lots of growling (by Tabby) and barking (by Chocy and Mika). Basically, it's a riot.

Oh, and my mom's friend just dumped on her 3 more rabbits, and one just gave birth. So technically we have 4 new rabbits... Lassie is not gonna be pleased about sharing her space... She's too prim and proper for the other rabbits, which look as if they came from downtown.

Sigh... My house is turning into a zoo again... SIGH. What a day!

It's a Twin Thing

2011-04-19T23:30:00.003+08:00

I want to kill my lab report.

Anyway, I just remembered something from a few days ago. AND I ABSOLUTELY MUST RECORD IT DOWN.

Earlier this year (or somewhere end of last year), Sam wanted to change his specs. So he got a pair of black specs with silver rims.

About last week or so, Zack wanted to change his specs too. AND!!! He got a very VERY similar pair of specs to Sam's. It's also black, but with black rims instead.

AND!! Both specs are of the same brand too.

They didn't realise this until Sunday, when both of them were sitting down in church eating breakfast, when my dad commented that both of their specs look similar.

Both of them stared at each other in shock, before taking out their specs and compared them. Lo and behold, both of the specs are almost identical! XDDD

Which led to a mini episode of playful accusations being hurled at each other for copying their style.

Hahaha!

So much for them wanting to be different! XD

Mika

2011-04-17T17:40:00.002+08:00

Today marks a new day for the latest arrival in our family: Mika!

She's fat, but really friendly. She has a skin problem due to being allergic to something she ate. At least the previous owner cared enough to revert her diet so that she'll be back to normal again.

She's fat cause, it seems, the previous owner caged her for about 4 months. WTFASDFCSMNIDSJBFIAWEBNJADS

That's inhumane. But she's still so friendly, I really must applaud her. I would have bitten the owner a long time ago. And my dear dear mom, when she saw Mika, she took her home straight away. After all, the owner was telling my mom that if they cannot find someone who would take Mika, they would put her to sleep or send her to SPCA. WTH!

Then again, it's quite obvious they're not dog-lovers, so I suppose I shouldn't be so mean to them... But still!

Coincidentally, today is also Mika's birthday! Whoo! I shall say that her being in our home is probably the best present that she could ever have. (Trust me. The dogs in our house live like Kings and Queens. Way better life than us humans...)

I hope, with time, she'll be well integrated into our home.

2011-04-16T22:53:00.002+08:00

AHHH!!!

There are a lot of songs playing through my mind...

First off, Mr. Taxi by SNSD. Introduced by Kyoya and it's now stuck in my head. Can't wait for 27 April... Then can see their choreography for this song. XD It's a really playful song too. Haha! Was looking through the translations.

Then, there's Sadistic Love by KAT-TUN. This one is more visual than audio. XD It was their sexiest song in Break The Record (in my opinion). XD And now, I think my bias is shifting towards Koki. ^^" He looks damn sexy in chains! XDDD

Sorry. Couldn't get that image out of my mind... ^^" That and Koki is probably the only guy in the whole group that can exude sexiness in a manly way. (Sorry to all the other members...)

The other song is To The Sky by Owl City. It as always been one of my favourite songs since I heard it. And now, with Snow White teaching me how to song-sign bits and pieces of the chorus, I am slowly getting addicted to the song again. XD

The other songs are Christian songs, You Alone Can Rescue by Matt Redman, My God Reigns by Matt Hooper and Avalanche by Hillsong United. I'm singing the first 2 for Easter! XD

But my friend made a comment that I feel is quite true. It's much easier to sing non-Christian songs, compared to the Christian ones... At least the non-Christian songs don't try to kill my throat when I sing them.

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Oh! And I realise that BMS(De) knows my Mom's friend!! At least, she knows his son. XD Haha! When I came back from BMS(A)'s birthday party, I saw BMS(De) coming out of his house. Haha! I was quite shocked... Seems the world is really small after all. But now, she knows where to go if she wants to crash someone's place for no apparent reason. XD

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Ok. Now for holiday plans! ^-^

During my 3 month break, I'm already going Vietnam. Hm... I actually want to do lots of things, but I'm just afraid I don't have the time... Grr...

I want to learn to play the guitar... =( My guitar practice has been on hold due to my inability to multi-task my work. And I want to intern in those dispensaries for 草药 cause I was quite disgruntled by the fact that people like BMS(SK) and Kyoya can churn out formulae and herbs as if it's second nature, while I'm still stuck at figuring out what the hell the doctor is talking about.

So hopefully, by improving some of my basics, I can get somwhere closer to their God-like level... =/ That and I realise that I cannot stand looking at patients for pro-long periods of time. Not without me attempting murder that is... So dispensing 草药 is an alternative choice of career, though I am told it won't earn much.

But I don't quite care... If somehow, I can do research (which should fill up the lack of money problem) and work part-time in those dispensaries (which also cures my boredom due to the inability to stay still doing nothing) it should solve most problems. And I get to keep in touch with that I learn. =)

Most ironically, I remembered telling Kyoya that working with 草药 is the last thing I wanna do... Hm... I suppose... You could say... I'm exploring options... I'm most definitely not people-oriented... They're like 气-suckers to me... Staying around large groups of them makes me wanna die... Or kill them...

So yeah...

Oh yeah! I'm also doing my research attachment and I hope to get Intro to Psycho during the break...

And meet Yuki, Inume, Kyoya, Tamaki...

And explore Sentosa Boardway (which I doubt Kyoya has the time... Hm... Inume...! =^^=)

Hm... I seriously don't think I have enough time to do everything I want to do actually... Zzz... I really wonder how Kyoya juggles around with everything... I need to learn it...

Oh. And I need to learn how to be more feminine... -_- I think it's high time I start exploring my X chromosome a bit more... After sem ends, of course. It just feels... Too damn awkward to act like a girl in front of guys...

Zzz. And now, I should be off trying to catch back all my lost sleep!

Sadistic Love

2011-04-13T21:28:00.002+08:00

KNOCK, KNOCK ON THE SECRET DOOR Fumihazusu toki
Yami no naka made mo izanae
SADISTIC LOVE

Hizamazu kasete koakuma no waraigoe ga
Itami ni kao wo yukamasete manzoku sa
ONE MORE TRY

Fukai ai dakara itai shihai shitai
Mitai chitai kimi shidai shiteru kitai
DOGGY STYLE kami tsukami yoseru
Chigireru kurai ni kamikakeru
Jibun de ijiraseru HAHA nagekakeru
Karada no naka made ho teraseru
Mimimoto de sasayaku kimi wo kaitaku
Kore ga kaikan kimi wa MY LOVE
Kurawasu mata mo SPANKING
Te wo tsuki tachi na koshi wo tsukidashi na
I’M A S.A.D.I.S.T.I.C L.O.V.E kore ga REAL LOVE

Hisomu yoru no machi
Hikari wo motomete furimawasarete
Owaranai shoudou ni
Mou nidoto modorenai
Arifureta nichijyou ni

CRY MORE KNOCK, KNOCK ON THE SECRET DOOR
IT'S TIME Fumi hazusu toki
ENDLESS NIGHT Kurui dasu jounetsu
Kagayake asu wa doko he
LET’S SHOUT KNOCK, KNOCK ON THE SECRET DOOR
THIS WORLD Utsumuri kawattemo
Mabushii Yami no naka made mo izanae
(S.A.D.I.S.T.I.C) SADISTIC LOVE

Yume wo misasete Yuuwaku no datenshi sa
Zankoku na hodo ni utsukushii mono tachi

Odoru kimi no kage
Te de fureru mae ni kie
Maboroshi mitai ni
Saigo no karamiai
Hageshisa no towa he to haruka kanata yuke

CRY MORE KNOCK, KNOCK ON THE SECRET DOOR
IT'S TIME Fumi hazusu toki
Mabushii Yami no naka made mo Izanae
(S.A.D.I.S.T.I.C) SADISTIC LOVE

Hateshinaku Shibararete Kago no naka ni toji kometa mama Zutto
Sou kanarazu hikari sasu Kimi wa itsuno hi ka nigedasu Yoake mae ni

CRY MORE KNOCK, KNOCK ON THE SECRET DOOR
IT'S TIME Fumi hazusu toki
ENDLESS NIGHT Kurui dasu jounetsu Kagayake Asu wa doko he
LET’S SHOUT KNOCK, KNOCK ON THE SECRET DOOR
THIS WORLD Utsumuri kawattemo
Mabushii Yami no naka made mo Izanae
(S.A.D.I.S.T.I.C) SADISTIC LOVE

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As you can tell from the nature of the above song, I am totally not gonna translate this song, because first, it's self-explanatory, and second, I want to keep my blog PG-13.

Today was really fun. XD Inume and I were supposed to go to Sizera somewhere in Clark Quey for lunch. But since neither of us knew where it was, we ended up eating Pasta de Waraku in the Central instead.

Then we went Kino to look around. XD I ended up buying my LONG AWAITED SAIYUKI!!! LAST BOOK!!! Whoo!! Haha! I also bought a really cool (Inume calls it creepy) bookmark.

Then finally, we went back to Inume's house for dinner. Of course, while waiting for dinner, Inume and I watched KAT-TUN concert "Break the Record".

KAT-TUN is a boy band that definitely took getting used to. But it's like a drug. You just need one song to lure you in, and after that, you're addicted. XD And now, NO THANKS TO INUME, I'm addicted to KAT-TUN.

I especially love Kame's voice. He can go sweet to playful to sexy to anything you want him to be. And his voice is really the nicest among all the 6 members. And he definitely knows how to command the stage with his presence. Haha!

But my bias is Ueda. Cause he's really the cutest of them all (in my opinion). Inume's bias is Nakamura, the beatboxer. Haha!

Anyway, most of the songs they sang takes getting used to. I still prefer their older songs instead of their newer ones. The melodies are not as nice as the old ones, which are more catchy. "Sadistic Love" is one of their songs, which is really epic during the "Break the Record" concert. It was like a scene out of a BDSM show. XDDD

One of the guys, Koki, happily wrapped chains around himself while singing, while Ueda had a super sexy come-hither look. Kame closed himself in a coffin-looking thing with chains. XDDD Take about taking BDSM to new levels. That being said, the song is really nice. And once I saw the translations, I burst into laughter.

The funniest part was the last song "Real Face". Where they tried to sing each other's parts. XD Nakamura totally failed at the rap part at the end. XDDD And although Koki (the original rapper) tried to help him out, he was laughing too hard to rap. Haha!

The most interesting part about the concert was that it has a lot of fan service (basically, the guys act gay for each other), impromptu actions, fire and water theatrics, flying around (literally), and other crazy moments in the concert.

There was this part where all the guys were supposed to dangle around this metal cube. Each member has his own cube to hang from. And all the guys were doing all sorts of stunts on them. Then they were shouting out "Oi! Nakamura!!". Apparently, Nakamura was clinging onto his cube for his dear life. He's afraid of heights. XD When they called out to him, he shouted back "No way! I can't!" But he still tried anyway.

It was soo funny to see that look of relief when his feet were back on the ground. Haha!

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Oh! And my cousin gave me some jap dating sim game. And I want to try it out! XD It's gonna be quite funny. Haha!

2011-04-12T21:37:00.003+08:00

Yay! End of 5 WEEKS OF TESTS!!!

OMG. I wanted to die... Zzz. But now, IT'S OVER!!!

There are many things that ran through my mind over the past week. First of all, TAMAKI. Hahaha! He is now dubbed Kyoya's partner. Hahaha! In what sense... I'll leave it to your imagination. ~_^

But Inume and I were discussing about this (actually we were laughing ourselves silly over it), and we think it fits perfectly. Tamaki, on the flamboyant side and his eagerness to... be in close contact with people, especially Kyoya. A little on the gullible side too, "hailed" as a King, good-looking, etc. (Just don't tell him I said that)

Then there's Kyoya. Decidedly feminine (not by me, btw), motherly, can be manipulative, not a morning person, etc.

A perfect match. XD Btw, the names Tamaki and Kyoya are from a manga, Ouran High. The most amusing part of all is, in the manga, Tamaki labelled himself as the Father, and his best friend, Kyoya, as the Mother.

So romantic.

Hahaha! A real-life parody of a manga right in the middle of our TCM class. Not bad, eh? XD Though I believe Kyoya will murder me once he reads this. ^^"

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I miss my cousin... ;_;

Anyway, now on her blog, we're (as in her friends and I) are happily making fun of the name of an anime character she likes. It's a bit hard not to... Considering the fact that the character's first name is Yuu.

So we were posting all sorts of lame puns like "Yuu get it?", "Ain't Yuu the cutest thing ever?", "Yuu shut up!", "Why Yuu so mean?", "Thank Yuu", "Yuu guys are so nice", "Yuu make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream", etc.

Super hilarious. I was laughing my head off when I was reading it.

Haha! I miss hanging out with my cousin... Nvm. I'll be seeing her tmr! YEAH!

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Today I spent the afternoon shopping with BMS(D). OMG. I never felt so awkward in a clothes shop before. I had absolutely no idea what to do. XD Well... I had an insider's view on what girls normally do when they go shopping.

And I conclude neither Shell, Yuki nor anyone with XX chromosome in my family constitute as a normal female.

Maybe that's why I was kinda lost when I was out with BMS(D). And BMS(El). I have no idea what to do in all those shops that they went to... Zzz.

In conclusion of today's shopping, either I shop with guys or shop with people with similar wavelengths as me... =/

2011-04-08T21:34:00.002+08:00

Ah... Dreamt of really weird dreams today...

Just came home from school and KO-ed on my bed for the next 2 over hours. XD Had another odd dream... This time, I was part of some school for special talent. Something like the X-Men's. Unfortunately, I lost my memory, which involved my mom, and I had to recover my memory cause there is something very important among my lost memories.

I don't remember much of it after that. Only that some people didn't want me to get back my memory, for some reason, and I nearly killed a couple of times... AND FOR SOME REASON, MY FIGHTS AND NEAR-DEATH ALWAYS INVOLVE NEEDLES!!! UGHH!!!

I still remember picking out the needles from my body gingerly... Ugh...

I also remember a really epic war of some sort, because I gained back my memory... Don't remember much about the war, except that I was tossed around constantly, cause I remember sailing through the air a couple of times...

Oh, the best memory of the war, was watching BMS(JQ) using some sort of device to fly through the sky to play RUGBY. Of course, when she threw the rugby ball at me, and I had to fly too, it was actually quite fun!

Then my mom decided to wake me up. Zzz.

And for the record, I'm gonna sleep soon... So I doubt I'll be studying Immuno today... Zzz!

2011-04-04T23:09:00.003+08:00

I am always extremely amused whenever I read posts on FB about the class fruit salad. XDDD

Apparently, the Lefties are labelling random people in class as fruits, according to His Majesty. Hahaha! And whenever I see posts on FB about the different kinds of fruits, I end up laughing. Haha! Especially when you know what they mean.

But seriously, it's really cute! Haha! Kyoya's been telling me more about the Lefties and Central Right. After all, he hangs around them to study and what-not. And there is always very amusing stories and episodes about them. Haha! Sometimes, when I hang the Lefties, or more specifically, D2 and His Majesty, once in a while, we would end up trading stories on all the rubbish they say and the silly things they do. Haha!

Like on April Fool's Day. Apparently, His Majesty is very easy to fool. And D1/D2 happily tricked him. A few times, in fact. I got tricked once. =( Anyway, when I was talking to His Majesty, he warned me (after I was tricked) not to take D1/D2 seriously for that day. Yeah thanks, Your Majesty. I already got tricked. Thanks. XDDD

By the way, for those who are lost with the names, His Majesty, D1 and D2 are people in my class. The Lefties is their clique, or a few combined cliques. And Central Right is... a group of people? XDDD

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AND I CANNOT WAIT FOR MY BIRTHDAY NOW. Hahaha! I made a special birthday request to Inume and I can't wait for the results!

ZOMG. Now I'm all hyped for receiving my presents! ;_; Why must it be in June?!?!

2011-04-03T14:24:00.002+08:00

Zzz. I hate it when things at the back of my mind start seeping in to the front of my head.

But then again, I suppose it's an issue I should have dealt with a while ago. I just kept ignoring the signs. I didn't want to deal with it, after all. With all my tests and such, I already barely have enough focus to keep going, without all these distractions.

Zzz. But since it has decided to crop up at this "appropriate" moment, and refuse to leave my head until I have dealt with it, I guess I better find a solution. And fast. My test is on Thursday and I need all the time to study. Zzz.

And I have spent the better half of this morning figuring out where you stand in my life. Sigh... The dumbest part about me, I suppose, is that I get attached to people too easily. First Yuki (Fran), then SL (who has since became an ex-friend), then Shell (for a lack of a better alias), and now Kyoya.

I guess the hardest part was the fact that Kyoya is MALE. =/ Then again, Yuki's female and I had similar feelings of her. But that was in Secondary School when I came to that realisation. I had more time to figure out what it was. This time, it's a crash course.

And since Kyoya is a guy, I guess the feelings are a little more complicated in a sense. -_- I blame the fact that I'm female. After all, when you tell a girl that you like her a lot, it's pretty easy to understand, cause there's not much ways a girl can like another girl, unless you really swing that way.

For a guy, it's a little harder to figure out which "like" is it. As a friend, as a brother, as a potential lover, as God-knows-what, etc. Doesn't help that Kyoya is the first guy I've ever considered part of my "pack", so to speak.

Zzz... I hate my brain sometimes.

2011-04-01T00:19:00.002+08:00

After a while of reflections, I realise I have a lot of issues with my dad...

I mean... I don't doubt that he loves me... But somehow... There are times when I don't quite believe it...

For one, I don't believe my dad even knows what I like or don't like... I don't think he knows that I liked A, or that I am struggling with school, or that I love cheerleading, or that I don't like cake or watching TV. I doubt he knows I like jackets, reading stories and exploring around.

He knows I like bubble tea because I once worked in a bubble tea store. And that I like puzzles from the... 12 over pieces of puzzles in my room. (If that wasn't obvious enough.) And sometimes, I really wonder, if I wasn't his daughter, what would he think of me?

I know I am constantly seeking for his approval. After all, he's my dad. And he never fails to disappoint.

Like when I commented to my mom that I had gained weight, my dad has to add his two-bits in and insist I was still underweight. I am not. The chart says so. But thanks to his genes, gaining weight to become fleshier is near impossible. -_- But does my dad care? No he doesn't. He still criticises me on my appearance and my weight should I ever accidentally present him the opportunity to do so.

Haha. I only knew that I could actually look good by end of JC. And that was after a whole series of crude yet flattering comments by Fran's boyfriend that made me realise I was not as bad as my dad always makes me out to be.

Then again, getting any form of compliment or praise from my dad is pretty much non-existent. After all, the first compliment Sam gave me was "OMG. Sis! You want guys to rape you ah?" or something like that. Mind you, I was only wearing a tank top. So yeah... My brothers definitely learn to compliment like my dad does. And it took me a while back then to figure out it was actually a compliment, not an insult.

So why am I still trying...? Zzz.

Btw, what sort of sparked off this was something my mom asked me. She asked if I think I'm good-looking. And I decided that, if I put in the effort to dress... More femininely. Yes, I am.

And now, my brothers give MUCH BETTER compliments... Like I'm very huggable (that is a definite compliment in my books) and I'm very cute, and why can't other girls be like me, etc. Though asking them for opinion on clothes is worse than torture for them.

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Though I guess what Ju from cheerleading is quite right. If you don't like a person, no matter how good he is, you can only see the bad side of him. And I do not like my dad. And especially for my dad, his faults are always more than obvious to me.

He always insist that we should not follow in his footsteps, because he keeps making stupid mistakes. Hello. If you don't want someone to follow you, STOP DICTATING THAT PERSON'S ACTIONS. Then he complains why we follow him... =/ Sometimes, I wonder if it's legal to murder my own dad...

And he always treats me like a child too. Zzz. I mean, if I'm acting childish, and you can treat me like one... But I rarely behave childishly at home, AND YOU ACT MORE CHILDISH THAN ME!! And for the love of God, I am 21 this year! Not 2. I do not need all your mollycoddling and nagging. I am perfectly fine on my own.

You pretty much disappeared from the better half of my life anyway. If I were that incapable, I would have died a long time ago.

And no. I refuse to be your future doctor/piggy bank/maid/slave/investment/etc. You want someone to be that so much, go bother my brothers. I adamantly REFUSE to be any of the above for you.

I don't care if you throw a tantrum at me.

A New Uni

2011-03-26T20:44:00.002+08:00

Dreamt again...

This time it involved my little clique. Plus extra.

For some reason, the whole BMS class is allowed to go to this really interesting university somewhere... Like some overseas exchange programme or something. But it's with the whole class...

I was following Kyoya around as per usual. And taggina along were BMS(N) and BMS(E). From here on the memory gets blurry... I remember I was supposed to find my dorm. But I kinda got lost. (My sense of direction is equally bad in dreams, it seems) Apparently, the dorm was on the other side of the campus, and only 1 train goes there. (Yes, the uni had trains!) So I had to transfer trains or something. But the train stations were quite unique...

Every station had a certain theme to it. Like I passed by this one station where everything was really slippery. So I literally glided through the station. (It was quite fun, on hindsight) Another was like a walk through some food court-looking place, which looks as if it was built inside a tree. I remembered a lot of dark brown, like that of a tree/soil.

And by the time I found the train and took it. I reached an elevator where I had to have my passport to get in, and i forgot it, so I had to go back to get it. And I passed by all the said stations again, blah blah blah.

When I finally could enter my dorm, I found out I was rooming with Kyoya. O.O And their rooms had no bed... Eh... We had neighbours though. It was... I forgot her name... Starts with "S" I think... A really pretty girl, fyi. Anyway, her dorm has 3 roomies, including herself. And I was quite happy, cause Kyoya and I were kinda looking at each other, awkward. But their dorm had no space for me... =(

The dorm was, like, covered in mattresses... With this really bright, red, fluffy sofa/bed-looking furniture at a corner. And the room was sooooo small, the 3 people, with their bags, were quite cramped...

So I was stuck with Kyoya.

So we got kinda awkward... Cause no way both of us were sleeping on the same thing... So in the end, I decided to sleep on the fluffy sofa/bed-looking thingy and Kyoya will sleep on the floor. =/

I sort of woke up after that.

Hm... Maybe I should make a mental note to myself to stop dreaming of Kyoya so often... Then again, I only dream of him when I dream of the BMS members... After all, I hang around him the most during BMS... Zzz. I should start hanging out with the girls more... But then it'll be quite freaky if I keep dreaming of girls then... XDDD

Drifting Off

2011-03-21T14:29:00.000+08:00

"Oh, give me the beat, boys, and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away" - Dobie Gray

Creative Injection

2011-03-19T23:00:00.002+08:00

OMG. I am officially in love with acapella singers.

There is something absolutely amazing about watching people make music with their mouths. No instruments. Just voices. It's epic awesome!

Today for choir, we watched lots of really amazing videos on epic acapella groups and other choirs. And no matter what my choir director said, Singapore Ensemble (I think...) is nothing compared to the other countries.

Haha! And I have just discovered "The Sing Off" which is like "American Idol" except it's for acapella only. Whoo! And I have to say, some of the groups were SUPERB!!!

XD But Season 2 has better singers and better arrangements. Season 1... The singers were not really as good, and their voices were not really well arranged, I guess... For me, Season 2 were great enough for you to start dancing to their songs. Season 1... You just go "Orh."

And while I'm busy finding and listening to such wonderful music, there's the nagging thought of my up and coming pharmocology test...

But as of the moment, who cares? XDDD

2011-03-18T01:00:00.002+08:00

Kanda snarled. "We are not doing that shit, and what did I tell you about using my goddamn first name?"

Lavi smiled. "That it was only okay at night between the sheets, baby," he replied

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

XD My cousin got me addicted to "Any Way You Want It". I swear, after reading the story... It makes Kyoya's free use of vulgar words seem so much easier to listen to... XD

Lavi is awesome. I swear. He always has a way of twisting situations to make it stickier than it really is. =/ (P.S. Lavi and Kanda are supposed best friends here. Not lovers.)

Sigh.

Cell was lovely, as usual. WR finally came! XD I sort of miss him being around in cell. He doesn't really talk much (Unless he's being forced by P), but I love the way he sings and plays the guitar. XD He's really the best, in my opinion.

And I get to see K. XD In the cell, he's sort of my eye-candy. He can dress really well! (He tends to dress in the kind of style that I love) and he's quite good-looking too. XD The other guy in my cell that dresses well is R. But R's way of dressing is more casual/sexy. K is more stylish/hot. ~_^

Anyway, I think it would inflate K's ego too much if I actually told him that... -_- And R would suddenly become shy if I told him he looks sexy. =/ I mean, seriously. I can still totally remember the way he wore his white (semi-translucent) shirt, with about the top one-third of the shirt unbuttoned. And he's quite fit, if you know what I mean... >.>

So it's either my hormones are overactive... Or I'm the only girl in cell with functional hormones... =X Or it's just me.

Cell's been really great though. And with WK cracking his usual lame rubbish, it's hard for it not to be entertaining. And WR and K pulling all sorts of weird stunts with food and making me giggle like some demented person, yeah, it's really fun. XD

2011-03-17T14:53:00.002+08:00

I suppose... Now that everything insane is more or less over. I can mourn properly now... Even though it's way too late...

But having an emotional lock-down so near my exams is not that good a thing, I realised. Apparently, panic is also one of the emotions locked down together with all my tears and sorrow.

And my memory went on strike. It's still not coming back... -_-

Fangji was hell.

I was literally guessing my way through the whole paper. Thank God for people like Kyoya who helped me study and kept me company when I was in school. ^-^

Otherwise, I might as well just die now.

Serious! That crazy teacher of ours gave us a list of tips for exams... And less than 50% of those tips were tested. So dumb people like me studied only the tips and realise everything in the exam paper is so damn unfamiliar.

Then there's people like Kyoya, who memorised everything under the sun. =/ I think he's gonna do well, it's just that his perfectionist side is antagonising over the idea that he may not get his A.

And while I'm at it, I realise I still owe Kyoya a meal for helping me out with cao yao... =X Oops.

Sigh... Tired now... Zzz. Woke up at 3am actually... Couldn't sleep... Tried for about 2 hrs before giving up and going to study...

And the only reason why I'm not asleep now is because the tea I drank in the morning still has its caffeine/sugar effect on me... XD I tend to drink sugar with tea, by the way. So yeah... Sugar high much.

The Bucket List

2011-03-12T17:25:00.002+08:00

"We live, we die, and the wheels of the bus goes round and round..." - The Bucket List

Now I have only 4 days to my exam... And yet... Somehow... It feels somewhat surreal.

Everything is going too fast, too soon. And as of the moment, I'm too emotionally exhausted to deal with all of them...

But for now, I would like to remember the death of a very dear family friend, Uncle Francis...

During the past week, he had suffered 2 strokes, and his condition deteriorated really quickly. I guess this is why I wanted to be a doctor of some sort. So that when things take a turn for the worst, I would not feel helpless about it.

Anyway, when my mom announced that his blood pressure had dropped, you had no idea how much I wanted a 生脉散 there and then.

Although, I felt that his case could be handled better... For example, NOT pestering his wife to pull the plug, as if he's just taking up space in the hospital. They could have gotten the MRI scans faster (He only got his scans 11 hours after the first stroke, which is too late) I don't know... All I know is that when such situations arise, there could be so many things that could be handled better, because we wanted to believe he had a chance to survive...

I won't cry now I suppose. He's gone. Nothing I do will ever bring him back.

But I suppose I knew all along... When I stay up at night, crying my eyes out, because somehow I knew he won't make it out alive... Today's news on his death merely confirmed my gut feeling.

I guess I came to terms with his death a few days ago... Not that it made the news easier. It just makes me too drained to cry anymore.

I know Kyoya says that death is inevitable to everyone. But the idealistic side of me would love it if all of us live our lives to the fullest before passing on... Uncle Francis still had so much to live for. He still hasn't watched his grandchildren grow up. He hasn't watch his daughter get married. He still owe my mom a trip to eat durians and curry fish heads...

And I still haven't said goodbye.

But... I suppose the realistic side of me came to terms with it a long time ago... I think, at least. Because as of the moment, I feel like crying but I really lack the tears to cry anymore...

But life goes on... That I know... I don't have the time to grieve properly... Not with my exam so near... But... Even so... Even so...

My God Reigns

2011-03-07T00:16:00.001+08:00

My God reigns
His love will never fail me
My God reigns
He's ruling over all
In all my life, in every situation
I know
My God is greater
My God is over all

2011-03-05T22:47:00.002+08:00

Slept this afternoon and had a really odd dream...

This time, it's about my BMS class. I forgot why, but we were all inside this really cool place with some sort of castle feel to it. Yeah... It was kinda grand. Anyway, I remember the whole class being there, like a class outing or something. I remembered seeing Kyoya, but I forgot what was he doing there... =/

BMS(QM) was there too. In his usual grey sweater. I remembered he was sitting alone by a table in a corner, with his usual pondering look on his face. Though what he was thinking about, I had no idea.

I remembered that we cannot leave the place, somehow... Because the transportation had yet to arrive...

BMS(PT) left early though. She left with someone I didn't know. Probably her boyfriend. =/ Anyway, she found a way out of the place via a really messed up public transport system. It looked like Singapore's MRT... Except it was way messier. There was this one station we had to alight, because it was the end of the line. It had about 3 interchanges, and a helicopter pad. XD (It was the purple line btw.)

And I had to take the helicopter to go home. XD That was the awesome part.

I don't remember much else of it, cause I was woken up for dinner... Zzz. But this dream's unusual cause it involved the whole class... Usually... It's just zombies, chaos and lots of disaster. =X

2011-03-04T22:20:00.002+08:00

病例：

两天前，患者的咽喉突然痛。咽痒。喉咙干燥，微咳，干咳。口渴欲饮，但小便频数。有头痛，恶心欲吐。纳呆。今天，饮食后，几个小时后会有便溏。肌肉酸痛，头昏目眩。吴寒发热。咳嗽有痰。痰黄稠，难咳。口中不渴，不欲饮。晚上不寐，梦多。

And that's about all I can remember for now...

What do I have? Some super obvious ones, like 脾胃气虚，胃气上逆，表证入里 don't really need to say... XDDD

I realise that now, as I continue to learn my 中医, my body is like my playground... XD Everytime my body "malfunctions", it's quite amusing to try to figure out what's wrong.

And the more I learn, the more I'm losing faith in Western medicine... =/

Zzz... My family went to have JAP FOOD!!! WITHOUT ME!!! Zzz! Because I'm sick. *sobs*

And tomorrow I still have school... Zzz. Internship actually... Hm... Maybe I can register as a patient there, then see doctor. XD Hahaha! Sigh... Still have lots of work to do... Time... I need time...

2011-02-26T21:14:00.002+08:00

Ugh... This is why I HATE talking to Christians... They don't understand. UGH.

When I was talking to a guy from church on MSN, I was complaining about my module, or more specifically, the lack of time for our module. And he was surprised because he thought it was actually quite interesting.

Hello. Interesting does not mean I have enough time in the world to study for it. And interesting does not mean that my studying speed increases exponentially too. -_-

And when I comment I was so glad that I don't have to sing for choir this week, he was all "Why?! Aren't you glad to sing for God?" Grrr...

Times like these, I wish I can reach over to the other side to punch the person.

------------------------------------------------------

I mean, yes, God is important and all, but SERIOUSLY! I do not eat, breathe and live God. I do not wait on the Lord and do nothing about it. I definitely do not pray about matters and expect them to resolve themselves.

Zzz... And people wonder why I am not attracted to Christian guys...

If they had half of a backbone, yes, I would be MORE interested. But! Zzz! Can't stand guys like them.

Idiots. I swear, the church is full of them.

Sigh. Christians. People of the same religion as me. And I cannot talk to them at all... Zzz.

Random Moments in Life

2011-02-25T22:26:00.002+08:00

Epic Joke of the Week: (It still sets me in laughter)

Darling: Does Kyoya have any disease?
Me: O.O ... Not that I know of...
Darling: Oh! In that case, you help me ask if I can drink some of his water?
Me: XDDD

---------------------------------------------------------

Seriously! Of all things to ask, DISEASE? Hahahahaha! Kyoya was quite miffed at her words though. XDDD But it was funny, from a third person point of view anyway. XD

I am still searching for a good story to read. I have yet to get those books which I want to read since... a long time ago...

And I do not want to study my chinese even though the exam is only... less than 3 weeks away!! *SOBS*

The teacher is going faster and faster. Though it isn't hard to understand, it's definitely hard to remember. Especially to remember what I understood... -_-

Tomorrow I have school again. And I have mixed feelings about it.

Sam is starting a business with his friend, but I have a feeling it's gonna flop, unless Sam really learns to wisen up... Sorry Sam. But in business, it's a dog-eat-dog world. If you aren't willing to fight for yourself, sooner or later, someone will take advantage of you and you will lose out.

And now that he's learning driving, he better start learning to plan, organise, THINK and do it fast. That idiot already started booking practical lessons without even doing his BTT. -_- Seriously. Sam.

---------------------------------------------

I think... The more I hang out with Kyoya, the further I get from BMS(E, N and JY)... I mean... That's sort of to be expected... But... I don't know... It's a rather odd feeling... They physically behind me... But for some reason, I feel really far away from them... =/

As for my Darling... She's really more like a child to me than a friend... XD Fran is more like my sister... Except I hardly see her nowadays... ;_; And I have yet to celebrate Mic's birthday... Which was on 10 FEB!!! AHHH!!! But when I'm free, she isn't, and vice versa... So our tentative birthday celebration date is now 19 March... Talk about belated...

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I talked to my brothers about the guys in my class (and the girls too... But the guys are easier to remember... =X), and after talking about them, my brother hopes to meet them and talk to them someday... Especially Kyoya... XD For some reason, Sam thinks he's cute... =/ I shall not input my comment on that.

Both my brothers like BMS(N) cause they think he's really funny. And they (or at least Sam) can't wait to meet BMS(XY) to flirt with him...

I think my brother has issues... =/

Moving on...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Onto other really REALLY random things...

I think that BMS(J) (not my Darling) has the hottest body in class... >.> I like her physique a lot... ^^" But that's just me. Btw, it's just a random thought and observation I had.

I gave up trying to win that creature from Miscrit... Cause it just ends with me being more and more upset, and I have better things to devote my energy to.

I lost my Borders Gift Card... ;_;

And I want a Kyle Notebook... INUME!!! DRAW HIM FOR MEEEE!!!

I also want the world at my feet... (Which is technically possible... But it'll look too silly.)

You know your life is sad, if the only thing you look forward to is 13 May, 5pm onwards.

And I know. I'm being hell random now...

From Inume, with Love

2011-02-23T15:45:00.002+08:00

Because I kept losing at Miscrit after my "hell-awesome" combo was broken, and I keep being frustrated and upset over a STUPID game. So I'm doing something different, and hopefully, keep my mind off my loss. Yes, I'm quite a sore loser.

---------------------------------------------------------------

1. What curse swear word do you use the most?
Damn, shit, bloody... And no, I do not use the "F" word... If I do, I'd probably be on a murderous rage...

2. Do you own an iPod?
iPod Touch... I think...

3. What person on your flist do you talk to the most?
I don't have LJ...

4. What time is your alarm clock set to?
6am... =(

5. Do you still remember the first person you kissed?
Eh... Aside from my family members... I HAVE NEVER KISSED ANYONE BEFORE. (Is that something I should be damn proud of... I wonder...)

6. Do you remember where you were on 9/11/01?
I don't remember... I have memory issues...

But I remembered not really giving a damn about it...

7. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
TAKE. I always feel awkward inside pictures... X(

8. What was the last film you watched?
... ... ... ... ... Eh... Oh! "Shaolin"... I think that's the title... =/

9. Do any of your friends have children?
O.o Not that I know of...

10. Has anyone ever called you lazy?
Not outloud... My dad tends to imply it every other day... Or as long as he doesn't see me studying.

11. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep?
I wish. I wish. I wish.

12. What CD is currently in your CD player?
It's been forever since I last used a CD player... But if you're talking about the car's CD player... It should be Sam's 8th Christian CD. ... Or was it 10th?

13. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
Regular. UGH. Chocolate... I have no idea how my brother drinks that stuff...

14. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
Not really... If they did... Most likely, I'd forgotten about it...

15. When was the last time you had Starbucks?
Last year...? Somewhere...

16. Can you whistle?
Yup! I remembered being really proud of it too, when I first started whistling.

17. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Their looks? Their dressing...? I DUNNO. Whatever stands out to me I guess...

18. What are you looking forward to?
Any day after 13 May and before 1 August.

19. Did you watch cartoons as a child?
Lots. XD I watched Pokemon, Digimon, Beyblade, Groove Adventure Rave, Gensomaden Saiyuki, Samurai X, DBZ/DBGT, Gundam Wing, Yami no Matsuei, etc.

20. Do you own any band t-shirts?
No.

21. What will you be doing in one hour?
Sleeping or studying. Depends on my mood...

22. Is anyone in love with you?
Don't know. Don't think so.

23. What was the last song you heard?
Adam Lambert - If I Had You

24. When was the last time you cried?
Eh... I forgot...

25. Are you on a desktop computer or a laptop?
Laptop.

26. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
A TATTOO! But I prefer the airbrush tattoos more... No needles. =D I already have 2 piercings. One of my left ear, and one of my right. -_- (Thanks Grandma)

27. What’s the weather like?
Moody... It looks like it might rain... Or it might not.

28. Would you ever date a girl/guy covered in tattoos?
Not covered, per say... But I don't mind dating guys with tattoos... Depends on the guy.

29. What did you do before this?
I WENT TO SCHOOL.

30. When is the last time you slept on the floor?
Last last week. In Hall 15.

31. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
Ideally, 20 hours. Actually, about 8.

32. Do you eat breakfast daily?
Yup. Keeps me sane for my 8.30 lesson.

33. Are your days fast-paced?
Yes. It is even faster when you are learning fangji with only 3 weeks left to exam.

34. What did you do last night?
Eat. Sleep. Play. Study (a bit). Sleep.

35. Do you use sarcasm?
Sometimes. Depends on who I'm talking to. If it's my dad... 90% of the time.

36. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
21 AND LEGAL! Although I've more or less done most of the things considered illegal... I blame my dad. =)

37. Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
Relatively... I do get irked when I received messages with lots of Singlish or written in SMS language (a.k.a. short form).

38. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
What's Six Flags? ^-^

39. Do you get along better with the same sex or the opposite sex?
Eh... It transits with my age apparently... In primary school, it was neither. In secondary school and JC, it was the same sex. In Uni now, it's the opposite sex.

40. Do you like mustard?
No.

41. Do you sleep on your side?
Sort of... Nowadays, I sleep half on my side, half facing upwards... If that sentence made sense...

42. Do you watch the news?
No

43. How did you get one of your scars?
Eh... A relatively obvious scar is one straight down my right calf. I was in primary school and I was carrying my dog's cage/fence to the kitchen, when I dropped it and it sliced my calf.

44. Who was the last person to make you mad?
... My dad? He's the one I usually get mad at...

45. Do you like anybody?
Maybe. Used to. Trying not to. (as quoted from Inume)

46. What is the last thing you purchased?
Food.

47. What side of the heart do you draw first?
Right.

48. Can you dive without plugging your nose?
XD No.

49. What colour is your razor?
White... And purple...

50. What is your blood-type?
O-

51. Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
Can I be tied to the Sandman? D8

52. What is a rumour someone has spread about you?
How many do you wanna hear? So far, I'm freaky arrogant, I'm in love with my classmate, I'm weird, etc.

53. How do you feel about carrots?
They're crunchy when eaten raw... But I prefer them cooked.

54. How many chairs at the dining room table?
6 or 8.

55. Which is the best Spice Girl?
No idea. Don't really care.

56. Do you know what time it is?
4.18pm. And supposedly my study time...

57. Do you know all the words to the Fresh Prince theme song?
What kind of song is that? O.o

58. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?
Do my best to calm down. And press for help, of course.

59. What’s your favourite kind of gum?
Zzz... Don't really like gum...

60. T or F: All’s fair in love and war?
It's never fair.

61. Do you have a crush on anyone?
As of the moment. No.

62. Do you know how to use some words correctly, but not know the meaning?
Hm... Most of the time, from the way the words are used, the meaning can be inferred.

63. Do you like to sleep?
Hell yeah!

64. Do you know which US states don’t use Daylight Savings Time?
No.

65. Do you know the song “Total Eclipse of the Heart”?
No.

66. Do you want a bright yellow ’06 Mustang?
XD No. I wanna own a Mercedes or a Mazda one day. Depending on my budget.

67. What’s something you’ve always wanted?
To sleep, dream and never wake up.

68. Do you have hairy LEGS?
XD Eh... No...

69. Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake?
Lake... I suppose...

70. Do you wear a lot of black?
Not really... At least, I don't think so.

71. Describe your hair:
It's black. It's long. (Too long for my taste...)

72. Do you have entomophobia?
Eh... No.

73. Are you an adult?
... Soon to be...

74. Where is/are your best friend(s)?
Around Singapore... 2 in the East, one really good friend in the middle.

75. Do you have a tan?
Don't think so... Any tan I have would have long faded.

76. Are you a television addict?
No. What's so interesting about the TV anyway?

77. Do you enjoy spending time with your mother?
Hell yeah! My mom OWNS!

78. Are you a sugar freak?
A little... >.>

79. Do you like orange juice?
I'm okay with it.

80. What sign are you?
Gemini. ~_^

2011-02-22T17:35:00.003+08:00

Gonna emo over a game here.

ARGH!!! My Miscrit combo is gone!!! ;_; *sobs* I was at 8 wins-in-a-row... I needed 10 in a row to win this creature that I wanted... And On my 9th battle, I DIED!!! ARGHH!!!! SO CLOSE!!!!!!!!!

And now, I need to start all over again... SIGH.