Read The Embalmer. Personally... I'm starting to dislike the story... =(
Initially it started out really nice. But as the story goes on, somehow, it gets quite tragic to me. In a sense, I understand; in a sense, I don't.
What I do understand is that the main character is a human. We are all humans. And me, being a lover of warmth, understands how... desirable body heat can be. And yet... I can't understand in the sense that I have never dealt with dead bodies before. I have never touched them or operate on them or feel them up or anything of the sort. So I cannot understand the effects they will have on a person psychologically.
But I've seen how scary it can be... And after touching and meddling round with bodies so human yet so devoid of anything humane... A real, living body becomes a touch of ecstasy on your senses.
And... I dunno... When it comes to people... I really understand nothing about them...
Just this evening, Mom was talking to me about people's emotions. Cause Ivan wants to teach me some really cool technique that doesn't require much strength but more of technique. Something like Aikido. But he doesn't want F to come along cause she'll get jealous (duh!) and will follow him around everywhere after that. And he wants to build spaces of privacy between them...
And Mom says this will strain F and my relationship... =( I dunno... Somehow... As much as I'm curious about this technique... Something doesn't quite feel right... Especially after talking to my Mom about it... Haha. Mom says I'm too naive... But... I know F trusts Ivan... And F trusts me. And (I'm giving him the benefit of doubt here) Ivan is just coming over to teach me some moves for self-defense. Zzz... But somehow... It doesn't feel right if F doesn't know... Ivan says he wants both of us to spar one day without holding back, so he won't let either of us know each other's progress... But... Regardless of whether I know her progress... I can't strike a friend. Especially not F.
Zzz. Mom says she rather I overthink such things, then to get into trouble later for not thinking through it enough... Zzz. But if I do overthink things... Then I'd be questioning my friend's trust... Or more specifically my trust in him. And... I dunno... Somehow... The whole scenerio is just plain weird... Why not tell F? Why train me only? What about my brothers? What will be F's feelings on this? This secrecy and crap. Yet, if I do talk to him about it, I'd be questioning his integrity and his word. If I don't, and let it be, I'll hurt F. And if I tell F about it, Ivan will be upset. =.= Zzz... Seriously no pleasing to anyone...
Also, Ivan's not the emotional sort... And my mom says he will compare F and I if I let things progress... After all, not even F knows what are Ivan's emotions sometimes... And my mom is worried that should Ivan develop feelings for me, and considering that he is currently F's boyfriend, it will create one hell of a drama. And hell knows no fury like a woman's wrath.
Zzz... I dunno what to think anymore. Ah hell... I rather talk. Better to make a fool out of myself than to hurt a friend. And if it comes down to it... I'd choose F over Ivan.
Haha. My mom says not to decide so soon, cause I may change my mind... But... whether or not I grow closer to Ivan... This is a decision I have to make without regrets... And I rather lose Ivan than to lose F... F is... irreplacable. Ivan is a great friend, but F is special. That's why... I'd choose F over Ivan.
Sigh... Either way... this is gonna hurt.